so I've—I've been a
redhead my entire life.
Thank you for your support.
I've been a redhead for
31 years and I'm realizing,
I'm realizing now,
I don't think people
care for us very much.
I'm just realizing,
I don't think people
like redheads very much.
Does anybody in here
like redheads?
(audience cheers)
Okay, felt a little sarcastic,
but I guess I'll take it.
(audience laughing)
Even if you think you like redheads,
this is how you
talk about redheads.
Like, "Ooh, I love Conan O'Brien,
"he's so long and weird
"with weird hair."
Or like, "Ooh, I love Ed Sheeran,
"I love how his tattoos pop
"out in his super white skin."
You talk about us like
we're circus freaks, okay
and if you still think you like us,
then let's stop this
behavior right now.
I grew up every day of my life,
hearing this multiple times,
multiple times.
When people
would see my redhead,
they'd be like, "Oh, you're a ginger.
"You don't have a soul."
Have you heard this?
Redheads deal
with this all the time.
It's a weird one.
It's a weird to say,
"We're all going to go on,
"live on after we die, but not you."
It's dark.
You're not on board,
but it's not cool, okay,
but I get it kind of, I get it.
We're not fun, we're not fun.
If a redhead invites you to hang out,
there's an 80% chance
it's going to be in a basement
somewhere, okay.
(audience laughing)
Going outside is a
calculated risk for us.
(audience laughing)
You want me to go on a hike,
a hike?
How much shade is there?
Some? Some is not enough.
(audience laughing)
It's risky for us,
it's deadly out there.
It's not fun,
so it's okay.
I was at the—here's the thing,
redheads favorite day
is winter solstice,
because it's the day that's
the least amount of day.
We call it Ginger Christmas,
we're excited about it.
(audience laughing)
We go outside a lot that day.
I was at the grocery store and
I was talking to the cashier
and usually when you talk to
a cashier, it's small talk,
like how's the day,
how's the weather
and he looked at me,
he said, "Oh, you're a redhead."
And I said, yes.
He said,
"I heard you're going extinct."
(audience laughing)
He said it like it was good news.
I was like, yeah, dude,
we're getting out of here
and we high fived.
No, I stressed out,
I looked it up and it's true.
Some scientists are predicting
redheads have 100 years left,
so you better enjoy this
while it lasts, is what I'm saying.
Apparently, we're just
going to get whiter and whiter
until we fade from existence.
(audience laughing)
Now the real truth is
that we don't want to mate
with each other and
you can't really blame us,
but we're just going to exit.
The only people
that really like redheads,
and I think this is true,
the only people that really
like redheads, are the elderly.
I don't know why it is,
whenever I'm around old people,
they're just like,
"Ooh, I want to touch it."
I'm like, you really can't
right now you could die.
No touching
and I was always like, why?
Why do old people love
red hair so much?
And I came up with
two reasons that I think
either one of these is it.
One reason is that
appreciating red hair
is such an acquired taste.
It takes literally 80 years of life,
(audience laughing)
before you start to like it.
Or the other reason
is that old people,
they're closer to death, right?
They're closer to their
souls leaving their bodies,
so they see redheads as
kind of like a soulless husk
that they can then
transfer their soul into,
(audience laughing)
like a hermit crab changing its shell,
(audience laughing)
so jokes on you guys.
My name's Jordan, I'm a ginger.
I do have a soul,
her name is Gertrude,
(audience laughing)
and she was a nurse
in the Vietnam war and we're
very happy together, okay.
(audience laughing)
I will say, the good thing
about being a balding redhead,
which I know is not a popular
way to start a sentence,
but the good thing about
being a balding redhead
is that when I do get
sun burnt on my scalp,
it makes it look like
I have a little bit more hair.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, it just kind of fills in the gaps.
I went outside for 15 minutes,
came inside,
looked in the mirror, I'm like, whoa,
who's this ginger Fabio
I'm looking at it right now?
(audience laughing)