G'day, A.J. Mahari here, bpd splitting is it your fault why do borderline split
why do they either rage or retreat well borderline splitting in boron personality
is the most major defense mechanism for those with borderline personality starts
right in early childhood it starts in the beginning of life in infancy when things are
going wrong with attachment and abandonment trauma in infancy and often with a cluster being mother
so this happens for 87 of those diagnosed with bpd and this is the trauma that underlies
what bpd really is about so bp splitting is the most major defense mechanism mechanism like i said
so is it your fault no it starts in their infancy unfortunately and so then as they get older
and and and can i just say too splitting is what helps people with bpd to survive what they're
going through in early childhood and all the unmet needs and this doesn't mean that a mother doesn't
meet the child's basic needs of maybe too slow and maybe not well enough but changing diapers feeding
the baby i mean in some cases this doesn't happen but a lot of mothers you know do the laundry
um make sure the baby has clean clothes uh change the baby kind of do the best they can
but so they take care of all of the basics but there isn't much of any affection and there
isn't closeness and there isn't the mirroring and there's what allen m sure refers to as apex
synchrony so all of this underpins bpd splitting that is a major defense mechanism the major defect
depends mechanism in bpd so how could that be your fault because this happens to them unfortunately
in young infancy and it remains unresolved until unless they go and get significant treatment
or or you know stick with therapy until they're healed and recovered again bpd is about healing
and recovering from trauma that might make it look like a mental illness so it's called
whatever i don't care about the words the point is when people heal the trauma of bpd they no
longer need to split because it's a defense mechanism so anyway is it your fault why do
borderline split and is it your fault well there's there's splitting because it's a very primal
mallet was in a primal adaptation to survive the kind of neglect and unmet needs and maybe more in
early childhood like from infancy on and so that does so then a person of bpd or is going to be
diagnosed later or maybe you know be undiagnosed but still show all the patterns that person each
person is is then when they become an adult so they become an adult due to their chronological
age and they might have intelligence in the iq that supports them being an adult a young adult
to to when they get older they don't have anything that self inside that where they're
you know emotionally growing as they're growing up and getting older and becoming an adult
so then when a person with bpd or who's going to be diagnosed with bp gets into adulthood
this major defense mechanism called splitting which was at an adaptation to ser for survival
in infancy and beyond all of a sudden becomes massively maladaptive to any relational efforts to
even communication efforts and i would refer you to my videos on you know borderline communication
deficits and borderline communication possibility and there's a couple others so the point is bpd
splitting it is the core major defense mechanism of borderline personality it starts in infancy
it's adaptive in infancy it helps people to survive these childhoods but once they get
into adulthood it's maladaptive so if you think of it that way because this is the way that it is
knowing that i hope will help you to realize that when they get triggered and they
split or they're emotionally dysregulated and or whenever whatever causes them to split firstly
it's very much internal and it's it's in the unconscious of people with untreated bpd and
that can change if they go to get therapy etc but when you're with somebody who's untreated bpd
and they've been splitting on you know they split on you because it's
their need to depend constantly because they get triggered so often the triggers are not
external the triggers are internal inside people with bpd so is the reason that they split so
what does this mean for you it's not your fault and and and can a person
you know who's close to somebody with bpd or you've been in a relationship or you're
in relationship with a relationship with a person with bp is so dry in here so i blew it
um can you trigger them ah it's possible once in a while that there could be an external trigger
but more often than not it's it's not what you did it's not what you said it's not what you
didn't say it's not what you didn't do it's not what they're going to throw the blame
on to you about because they're gonna make it seem like it's all about you but this is their defense
because they don't know what it is so they're just gonna blame the closest person
with whatever they were triggered by upset by maybe like six weeks ago or six months ago and
whatever they think happened today but borderline splitting is a primal adaptation that becomes the
major defense mechanism in bpd so think about that because then when they get into adulthood
it's maladaptive they need treatment and therapy to change all of this and without that nothing's
going to change and you're going to be going through what you're going through if you're
not out of there yet and if you don't take care of yourself and the bottom line is so that has really
relatively nothing to do with you and it's why i say to people and and i work with clients in 31
years of doing that work right now and so you know i'm out here to work with you if you'd like to
if i resonate with you and you want to get into your healing recovery journey because
what you really need to understand and what i help clients to do as a methodology for this is how to
not take and hold and carry forward in your suffering after the relationship is over or you
got ghosted or whatever the case not carry forward this idea that you somehow were the reason they
got triggered you somehow were the reason that they split you because they'll tell you in words
it's your fault but it's not you need to learn how to not take that personally anymore how to
let go of that how to work that through the bpd splitting is a major defense mechanism internal
and it's not your fault it has nothing to do with you it's not your responsibility hope that helps