if you're someone struggling with your mental health because you have a hard
time setting up healthy boundaries with the people in your life then you're
definitely going to want to watch this video in this video I'm gonna give you a
little bit of a cheat sheet to help you out with setting up healthy boundaries
what is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the
problem but focus on the solution and welcome back to another video but we're
going to be talking about how to be a better person so those of you who are my
loyal subscribers you're like Chris uploads a lot of videos but last week he
only uploaded a few oh let me tell you this my mom and my nephew came into town
so most of the weekend I was hanging out with them as well as my son and my
beautiful girlfriend and those of you who follow me on instagram you saw was
snapping pictures and taking videos we did a bunch of cool stuff out on this
las vegas trip even though it's a million degrees outside but it was a
great time so I kind of took a little bit of a break so that's why I'm jumping
back into this topic this week because I can literally do a million videos on
just how to be a better person in general so one of these things is
setting up healthy boundaries so this cheat sheet that I'm about to dive into
in a minute is something that was given it to me by my beautiful girlfriend and
you might be like look Chris how did she come up with that list for healthy
boundaries well I'm glad you asked let me tell you I actually got it from
her amazing therapist or amazing affordable therapist and now you're like
but Chris where does your girlfriend find an amazing affordable therapist I'm
glad you asked that too my girlfriend actually uses better help online therapy
and her therapist is amazing so if you would like to work one-on-one
with a therapist go ahead and check out the description down below
better help is affordable it's all online you could text you can do calls
you can do video calls and basically what you do when you go in there you
fill out a questionnaire you talk about your own personal issues and based on
what you put in that questionnaire it matches you up with the therapist who's
right for you like whenever my girlfriend tells me about you know what
her and her therapist talked about or the advice her therapist gave her I'm
like man your therapist is amazing so if you're interested in checking out better
help again check out the description below there's a link in there now
we'll help you improve your mental health by working with a therapist it
also helps support the channel alright but anyways jumping into boundaries
boundaries is huge like setting up boundaries is a big deal especially if
you're a people pleaser because what happens is sometimes we do too much we
do too much or we put ourselves in uncomfortable situations or we let
people walk all over us because we might have a fear of letting people down we
might have a fear of people judging us you might have a fear of people that not
liking us but for some of us when we don't set up boundaries we're enabling
someone's behavior like those of you who know an addict or an alcoholic not
setting boundaries is actually enabling their poor behavior and when it comes to
addiction it's potentially killing them so in so many cases we have to set up
boundaries to protect our mental health like the way I look at it and I often
say like unfortunate I'm glad that six years ago I almost died because things
are very black-and-white for me they're very black-and-white for me like
if I don't maintain healthy boundaries I could die like my mental health is the
most important thing in my life it helps me get past my fears of worrying about
what people are gonna think about me and stuff like that like when my mental
health is my number-one priority like I'm it's much easier to set up
these boundaries so I'm about to go over a little cheat sheet with you and I'm
gonna link it not Lincoln I'm gonna write it down in the description below
and I highly suggest that you write this down on a note card or something like
that and keep it with you at all times when you feel like maybe this situation
is something where I might need to set up a boundary all right so let's begin
so this is titled what do boundaries feel like so number one it is not my job
to fix others so like sometimes I refer to it as I captain save a person and you
put on this cape and you're trying to fix others and like this is where you
need to set up a boundary but also for me a lot of it is like accepting the
fact that I can't save everybody like I have a hard enough time saving myself so
what I realized that I can't save others I'm able to set up boundaries now that
doesn't mean I don't help other people but I know my limitations
next is it is okay if others get angry like man some of us latch on to this
idea that somehow someday everybody on planet earth is gonna like us everybody
is going to love us and what happens is we waste so much mental and emotional
energy trying to make people like us but like man it's okay like I accept it
a long time ago there's just gonna be people who don't like me there are
people who don't like me I always say this if you are taking care of your
mental health properly you're gonna make some people upset okay and the reason I
say that I tell my classes all the time is because it means that you were
setting up healthy boundaries all right so the next one is it is okay to say no
it's okay to say no like you want a good example how many people say no to you
right like think about that it's all right to say no next it is not my job to
take responsibility for others like this this is something that people with
codependency issues or enablers they struggle with a lot and like they they
don't they don't want other people to fail or they'll take too much
responsibility say oh no no no no that was my fault that was my fault no no
that's their fault like for example my son's nine years old I do my best on a
daily basis to instill good values morals life lessons and things like that
in him if he makes the choice to go screw up that's on him that is on him
I've done my part he needs to accept responsibility we cannot keep bearing
the cross of other people we do not have to accept responsibility for what they
are doing next I don't have to anticipate the
needs of others this just brings to mind we're like we beat ourselves up like I
should have known I should have known I should have known I should have done
this I should have done that no all we can do on a day-to-day basis is do the
best that we can do next it is my job to make me happy
and I'm gonna do a whole video about this but our happiness is our
responsibility so one of these things and
don't read that sometimes you have to set up with yourself like you have to
realize that you can't rely on other people for your happiness like this is
running a fool's errand you have to be responsible for your own
happiness the reason why that's so important the best example I can give is
people who get in toxic relationships they think other people are going to fix
them so they're making somebody else responsible for their happiness all
right so the next one is nobody has to agree with me beautiful this goes back
into we're not going to have a hundred percent of people love us and like
everything that we have to say but that's cool that's you know and this can
go into a whole video about like healthy communication and stuff like that like I
really value my friends and the people I surround myself with because we don't
have to agree with each other but we still love each other you know what I
mean the next one is are the right to my own feelings like for any of you in a
toxic relationship like we have to like we have to recognize that well it's okay
to feel we're all right to have these feelings like I haven't done any videos
yet on gas lighting but like it's okay to feel any feeling that comes up within
you is completely normal and it's okay right now we need to work on our
emotional regulation if we were you know having outbursts or having talks of
behaviors based on our feelings and emotions that we need to work on but if
you get angry if you get sad if you get frustrated those are completely normal
and you have a right to your feelings don't let anybody tell you that you
shouldn't be sad you shouldn't be angry you shouldn't be happy and also don't
say that to yourself either not healthy go check out my other video on how to
love yourself a little bit more and be a little bit more compassionate and lastly
it says enough alright and this is sums it all up right setting boundaries and
stuff like that is realizing that you're enough you're okay like when you begin
to love yourself and appreciate yourself more and you believe that you are enough
now the opinions and thoughts of other people don't affect you as much and like
I just wish I wish I could transplant that into people but so many people hold
other people's opinions so so so high and we need to really start
checking that especially when we're valuing the opinion of someone who isn't
living the best life like you know like you might have that loser friend or that
crazy relative who's miserable all the time like why are you valuing their
opinion so much the only thing that matters is that you are enough when you
start to believe that you are enough other people start to believe that you
are enough as well all right so do me a favor and share this video share this
video with other people so they know what healthy boundaries look like again
I'm going to list all of these that I went over it down in the description
below and if you want to check out better help online therapy it's
affordable and it's very very very convenient check out the description
below all right but let me know down in the comments below because I might do
some follow-up videos if you wouldn't like me to touch on anything in a
specific video like feel free to sign up on the patreon I'm doing more and more
stuff with the patreon supporters and trying to get video ideas and topics
that you talked about in this video or if you just want to leave a comment
maybe I'll be able to get to it and tell me about the boundaries that you
struggle with alright anyways that's all I got for you today if you like this
video please give it a thumbs up and if you are new here I'm always making
videos to help you out with your mental and emotional well-being click that
little round subscribe button and a big big big thank you to everybody
supporting me over on patreon and if you would like to support the channel I made
it convenient you can just click the top right there alright thanks so much for
watching set up some healthy boundaries today and I'll see you next time