It was 40 years ago
so me and the boys saw that Facebook post and
Thought it'd be tight take a road trip to Nevada
Road trip brahss!! (Yeah!)
Nearly blew through all of our monster energy drink before we even hit the desert
Yo I'm gonna f**k some aliens! Woo!!
We weren't prepared for what was about to happen
I remember showing up at the rally point and just seeing thousands of people
There was no structure. Just people making TikToks. I asked to see who was in charge
But no one...was...
I had to go it was my duty
Drove down all the way from Cali
To make some content for my vlog
#hotboysummer
Yo, what's up fam?
We're out here walking across the desert to go to Area 51
There's no way this stupid army can keep all of us out. All right! Cali!
How could we have known what was going to happen?
*screaming*
It's like they knew we were coming
Somehow the military got access to Facebook
knew our plan
It was a slaughter
We were totally outgunned
Especially because none of us had any guns few of us brought cosplay weapons everyone else just threw rocks
(weakly) Yeet!
We were staring down death in the face
until he came
No one knew his real name so we called him "Florida man"
Apparently has on the run from Tampa PD for dealing meth and just happened to hitchhike out to area 51
He was the leader we needed
brilliant strategist
Alright, you take a platoon of Kyles and flank from the east.
Karen use the dead bodies as cover as you lay down a suppressing fire
I'm gonna take a team of Naruto runners and flank them on the Western Front. You got it? Yeah. All right, let's go
They were running all weird like not like a human would run if they were trying to get somewhere. We just ran out of bullets eventually
We weren't prepared for that level of stupidity
Sir, they're everywhere, they're like cockroaches
We need more ammo!
Leeroy...Jenkins!
The tide of the battle turned because of Florida man
We lost a lot of good people that day. I was there when Florida man went down
We're at the battle of Area 51 and shit is going down
Oh my God...
WHAT ARE THOSE?!
We finally got into Area 51
We couldn't believe our eyes
They had everything hidden in there, superweapons, the Ark of the Covenant
Even the location of the cabin where Elvis and Tupac were hiding. Everything changed that day.
"Group of internet trolls and memers had overthrown the US military"
I was the only Kyle that survived the attacks
That keeps me awake at night
That and the monster energy drinks
I'll never forget that day because that's where I met my second husband
*alien noise*
Joke's on you. We moved everything to area 53
*laughs*
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Whatever, you're gonna do don't don't do it