I don’t think there’s a game that frustrates me more than Frogger.
It’s not even that I don’t like them, they just frustrate the hell out of me.
I mean, Frogger is a game of patience.
What you have to understand is that I have no patience.
I’m also playing it with an analog stick.
Playing Frogger with an analog stick is one of the dumbest things you can possibly do.
And I’m sure there’s a Game Boy Advance around here somewhere that I could play it
on…but then I’d have to get up, and look…and move things.
Which takes a lot of patience, looking for things takes a lot of patience.
And we’ve already been over my lack of patience.
I’d go over it again, but…I don’t have the patience.
It’s Frogger’s Adventures.
This game was released in 2001, for the Game Boy Advance.
Around that time, Konami was releasing a lot of Frogger games…trying to reenergize the
series a bit.
And frankly, on consoles, they did a pretty piss poor job.
I mean, Frogger Beyond was the worst.
There’s no way you can speak kindly about that thing, that thing sucks.
There was also Frogger: The Great Quest, a game I’ve never played and hope not to,
that thing also looks terrible.
But fortunately, on the Game Boy Advance…there was this, Frogger’s Adventures.
The only one that doesn’t make you…want to croak.
First thing’s first, though.
The game immediately tries to force a story on you.
And not that I’ve ever cared about a story in Frogger, but I care even less on a handheld
Frogger.
For f*ck’s sake, he’s a frog who jumps over things.
I want to jump.
Not read.
This is like, you’re going skydiving, and right before you jump, the pilot says, “Hey,
you want to read my manuscript?”
Uh, no.
No one wants to read your manuscript.
Fortunately, you can skip through all the dialogue and jump right into the gameplay.
No offense, Frogger, but…
I mean, your story isn’t very ribbiting.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter.
Once the game starts, it feels like classic Frogger.
At least, the mechanics do.
The levels are basically set up like grids, and you can jump one square at a time.
Doing that, your objective is to get to the exit.
Sounds simple, and the best part is that it is.
It’s got the same addictive simplicity that defined the 1981 original…
Only it’s got all those 2001 extras.
There are five worlds in Frogger’s Adventures, as well as bosses to fight, coins to collect…and
some insanely challenging puzzles to solve.
And that’s what’s so cool about it.
It updates the package, but the gameplay is largely the same.
Still as frustrating as goddamn ever.
See, that’s the thing that drives me crazy about Frogger…and it’s especially true
in this expanded Frogger.
I mean, you have to jump square by square.
Which means you have to be aware of every single, you know?
So like, you have to run fast through this trap, but you can’t just hammer the d-pad
really fast to get through.
Otherwise, you make too many jumps, and you fall off the ledge.
I do that all the time in this game.
Partially because it’s hard to train yourself to be conscious of every single move…but
also because the levels are pretty long, and at some point, you just start to lose your
patience.
And by “you,” I mean “I.”
I start to lose my patience.
Assuming I ever had it.
But obviously, that’s Frogger, that’s how it’s supposed to be.
Which is why Frogger and I can never be friends.
But at least it plays well, when you’re not f*cking yourself.
Although, again, I’m playing this on the GameCube, with the Game Boy Player…and normally,
I’d tell you that’s the best way to play GBA games…but that’s not the case with
this one.
Playing this with a GameCube controller just sucks.
The GameCube’s d-pad is a little underdeveloped d-pad fetus…and playing with the analog
stick is a total nightmare.
I can’t tell you how many times I jumped somewhere I didn’t mean to.
Which only compounded my frustrations.
Which is probably my fault, actually.
Sorry, Frogger.
Anyway, on the negative side?
The music and sound are just unbearable, so play this with a good record on, or something.
Maybe Blackwater Park, to help ease the frustration.
And to be honest, uh…not a fan of the art style.
It’s way too DreamWorks looking.
It looks like what a cheap, straight-to-DVD Frogger movie might look like, so that sucks.
But I mean, that’s just the style.
The graphics at least look good technically, so at least that’s something.
I just would’ve preferred something more retro looking, but hey…I also told you to
play this while playing records.
I myself, am…retro.
And at least at his core, so is Frogger.
If you’re looking for some old-school gameplay with a new-school package, this thing delivers.
I know, you guys think I’m fib-ian…but it’s true.
It’s Frogger’s Adventures: Temple of the Frog.
Thanks to Kris from Jersey City, New Jersey, for sending it in.