Hello my loves.
Today we're diving into some classic
relationship psychology with a book
Men Are From Mars and women are from Venus
by John Gray, PhD.
This book is a cosmic road map to understanding
how men and women communicate
and relate differently.
Make no mistake
as much as men and women
are similar in some ways
it's the ways in which we're different
that trip us up and cause
misunderstandings and frustrations.
However, it doesn't have to be this way
you can navigate the needs of your lady love
and get your own needs met
while avoiding much of these souls sucking conflict
many couples face
and when you do
there'll be way less drama
and far more fornicating.
In this video you'll learn seven ways
men and women communicate differently.
Seven, common communication mishaps
and their solutions.
And the simple formula
for better communication with women.
If you're new to my channel
I help man decode modern women
so you can find, attract, and keep your keeper
or simply have better relationships with women.
Welcome to just the tip.
Okay, so let's jump in with
how men and women communicate differently.
Number one, different languages.
Men and women often speak
different emotional languages
when men tend to focus on problem solving
and generally share their problems
only when they are actively looking for advice.
Women are more inclined
to share their feelings to get empathy,
not solutions.
Two, emotional support.
You know how women say
you never listened to me
even though you listen attentively
with your problem solving hat on.
Well, unlike you
a woman often wants emotional support
and connection from simply
relating her experiences.
Instead of immediately jumping in
and offering solutions,
set your fix-it hat aside
and simply lend an empathetic ear.
Hmm, tell me more, I'm listening
is the solution.
Three, cave versus wave
men retreat to their cave
when they need some space to process problems,
emotions, or even just to recharge.
Even when things are great in the relationship
a man will sometimes pull away
like an elastic band to recenter himself
or to reclaim his independence.
Okay, so women on the other hand
experience emotional ups and downs
in a wave pattern
often influenced by our fluctuating hormones.
So, when a man pulls away
she assumes he's pulling away
from her not into himself.
Four, love tanks.
The metaphor of a love tank
explains how both partners need to feel loved
and appreciated.
Primarily, most men need to receive a woman's trust,
respect, and desire to best fill their love tank
and women need to feel special,
cherished and cared for
to best fill their love tank.
Now, while both men and women
ideally need all of these qualities
our innate priorities are slightly different.
Keeping each other's love tanks full
is essential for a thriving relationship.
New location, too noisy and busy over there.
So, five, respect and acceptance.
Mutual respect and acceptance
of each other's differences are crucial
especially finding gentle tolerance
of the "quirks" each other has that we don't love.
Acknowledging and appreciating the unique qualities
your loved one brings to the table
goes a long way to building
a strong and lasting bond, all right.
Number six, communication styles.
Men are efficient thinkers
and tend to communicate
to convey useful information
while women are emotional thinkers
and communicate to establish
connection and intimacy.
On average, women use 9,000 words a day
and men 6,000 new studies.
Recognizing communication styles
can bridge the gap in understanding.
All right, number seven, giving and receiving love.
There are different ways men and women
express and interpret love.
Often men express love through actions and deeds
while women tend to value emotional connection.
And yes, you guessed it, open communication.
Just before we dive into some common
and frustrating real world situations
if you're finding value in this video
please like and subscribe.
Thank you so much for being here.
Okay, here are seven communication mishaps
that often occur between men and women.
Scenario one, the listening dilemma situation.
Your lady shares a problem
she's facing with her boss.
She might say
I had a really tough day at work.
My boss is so unreasonable
and you might say,
why don't you just talk to your boss
and tell him what you think?
That seems reasonable, right.
It's a solution.
The issue is you offer a solution
when she primarily wants emotional support
and someone to emphasize
and understand her frustrations.
Remember, while there are many times
a woman doesn't support a man's needs
in the way he needs it
I'm here to help you do what you can.
All right, so what's the solution?
What you can say instead is something like
I'm sorry to hear you had a bad day
or a rough day, tell me more.
Tell me what happened.
Offering emotional support
and actively listening to her vent about her boss
is what she actually needs.
Allowing her to talk about
the situation is the solution.
Often a woman simply needs
you to be a sounding board for her,
for her to find her own solution.
Hopefully ladies, she says something like
thank you so much for listening, I feel better.
Scenario two,
the space dilemma.
Situation, after a heated argument
she needs time alone to cool off
her, I need space
let's talk about this later.
You might say something like
but we need to resolve this right now.
Why are you shutting me out?
Okay, but here's the issue.
She's in her wave phase similar to your cave
but because women are emotional creatures
she needs time to process her emotions, not logic.
Meanwhile, you interpret this as avoidance
or even punishment.
Solution.
What you can say instead
you, I understand, take all the time you need
we can talk about it when you're ready.
Oh, oh, that feels so nice.
Acknowledging her need for space
and respecting it
demonstrate understanding and patience.
Her not feeling suffocated
allows her to want to come back to you sooner.
And of course, hopefully she says
ladies, thank you.
I appreciate your understanding.
Similarly, scenario number three,
cave versus wave.
Okay, here's the situation.
You've had a long day
and need some time alone for you
her, how's your day, honey?
Anything interesting happening?
you might say
ah, it was all right, it was busy.
I'm going to go relax for a bit.
You retreat to your cave to decompress
but her wave of wanting to connect
doesn't align with your need for solitude
and she feels rejected.
When she understands your need
she can relax knowing you'll be back.
Now, if she doesn't understand
or is extra sensitive,
you can say something like
I love you, I'm going into my cave for a while
but I'll be back
and then maybe give her a hug, all right.
So, hopefully she says something like
thank you, take all the time you need.
Okay, scenario four,
the love language dilemma.
Situation, you express your love
by cooking a special dinner for her.
Maybe it's her favorite dinner
you, I made your favorite dinner.
Her, well that's sweet
but I wish we could just spend
more quality time together.
You feel hurt, rejected, and unappreciated
especially for what you just did.
Her favorite dinner, come on.
Issue, your love language is acts of service.
For her, it's quality time.
This can be less about gender differences
than simply knowing what each other needs
to feel loved.
Solution, what you can say instead
I made your favorite dinner
and tonight I'm all yours.
Not only do you get to express love
through your love language, acts of service
but also acknowledge her love language
quality time.
Hopefully, ladies, she says
thank you for making my favorite dinner
and for spending the evening with me.
You are so good to me.
This seems like a lot of work.
I know,
but stick with me.
I'll give you the simple formula
to help you in all situations.
But first, let's look at a few more common
misunderstandings that may help you
figure it out on your own.
Okay, scenario five,
the love tank check-in.
Situation.
You've been together for a while
and she feels a bit neglected.
Is this common? Yes.
Her,well, lately it feels like we're drifting apart
you, I've been swamped at work.
So, she's expressing her need
to fill her love tank.
Meanwhile, you're working hard
to get ahead for both of you.
If she remembers why you are working so hard
she won't feel so anxious.
But if she doesn't
then you can take the lead
by saying something like
it's important for me to be able
to make a comfortable life for us
but let's carve out some time
to spend together this weekend, just us.
Then if it seems appropriate
and she's an affectionate woman, give her a hug.
Hopefully she says
thank you for working so hard
to provide a good life for us.
I really do appreciate that, right.
Give and take if she's a real keeper,
she'll add
here, let me show you how much, okay.
Anyway, scenario six,
the unsolicited advice dilemma.
Situation.
She tells you about a problem
she's facing with a friend.
Her, I'm feeling overwhelmed with all her drama.
You, you should ditch her
she's a drain on you
like because she is, right.
That seems reasonable
issue, you jump into problem solving mode.
When she just wants to share her feelings
this makes her feel unheard.
So, despite your feelings about your lady's friend
even if they are accurate,
the solution is to say something like this instead.
I'm sorry to hear you're overwhelmed
you're such a good friend
is there anything I can do to help?
And then if appropriate, give her a hug.
Okay, so instead of offering again
unsolicited advice,
you offer emotional support
and ask how you can assist
showing your willingness to be there for her.
Hopefully ladies, she says
thank you for listening to me vent.
I really needed that.
Now again, ladies remember
a man's instinct is to fix.
Always thank him for listening.
So, let's look at one more scenario
and then I'll give you the simple formula
for navigating communication needs.
Hint, has to do with ears.
Scenario seven, the miscommunication dilemma
situation, making plans for the weekend.
you, how about we go hiking this Saturday?
Her, oh I already made brunch plans
with my friends.
Issue, you take this as
a personal rejection of your idea.
While she simply wants to communicate
her prior commitment.
Solution,
what you can say instead,
no problem, we can plan another time for hiking.
Enjoy your brunch with your friends
you accept her prior commitment gracefully
and suggest rescheduling the hiking plan
showing flexibility and willingness
to make plans that suit both of you.
And of course, hopefully she will say
I love that you come up with
new trails for us to explore.
Let's make some plans tonight.
So, how many of these situations have you experienced?
Share your story
and did you figure out the formula
for communicating with women?
While everyone is unique
there's a simple and memorable formula
that can help you navigate each other's
communication needs more effectively
resulting in less fighting and frustration.
Simplified, take off your fix-it hat
put on your empathy hat and listen.
Think of it as ears.
E-A-R-S.
E, empathize.
Show empathy when she talks about
her feelings or experiences,
acknowledge and validate her emotions.
A, ask questions
encourage her to share more
by asking open-ended questions.
R- reflect back,
reflect what she's saying
to ensure you've understood her correctly.
This helps prevent misunderstandings
and shows you're actively engaged in the conversation.
S, support
offer but don't automatically give
support and reassurance.
Let her know you'll be there for her
and willing to help if she needs it.
Your fix-it hat is on standby.
This formula is a helpful guideline
but it's also important to pay attention
to each other's preferences
and communication style.
Building a strong relationship requires
a combination of understanding
general principles like in this video
and learning the unique needs of each other.
You might want bookmark this one.
Also, I want to give a shout out to Brian.
Thanks Brian, youboosta.com.
Brian helps me with video SEO,
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If you want to boost your channel, contact him.
Okay, so remember,
men and women cope with stress differently.
Men find relief by problem solving
and women find relief by talking
about problems and feeling understood.
So, just remember you're doing the best you can
with the knowledge you have
and as you learn more
about the opposite sex and yourself,
your relationships and life
will become easier and more fulfilling.
You can do it
I believe in you.
Thank you for watching all the way to the end.
Lots of love, God bless.