DID EVERYONE SEE THE MOON LAST NIGHT?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) LAST NIGHT THE MOON APPEARED
LARGER THAN NORMAL BECAUSE IT WAS CLOSER TO THE EARTH AN
ASTRONOMERS CALL IT IT A SUPERMOON, YOU KNOW WHAT WASN'T
SUPER, ANY OF YOUR INSTAGRAM PHOTOS OF THE SUPER MOON.
(LAUGHTER) OH, LOOK, GREG TOOK A PICTURE OF
A TINY LITTLE DOT IN IT IT, SUPER.
I HAD TO IMAGINE AT THIS POINT THE MOON IS JUST GETTING REALLY
CLOSE SO IT CAN LOOK DOWN ON US LIKE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON
DOWN THERE!
(LAUGHTER) FAMED ASTRONOMER NEIL DEGRASSE
TYSON MOCKS THE HYPE AND SAID IF YOU HAD A 15 INCH PIZZA THAT
BECAME A 16 INCH PIZZA WOULD YOU CALL THAT A SUPER PIZZA?
AND I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE WHEN I SAY THAT DEPENDSES WITH'S
ON IT IT.
(APPLAUSE) YOU KNOW WHEN PEOPLE TALK AS
SOON AS BUZZ ALDRIN HEARS ABOUT A SUPER MOON HE'S LIKE BIG DEAL.
IT WASN'T SO SUPER WHEN I WALKED ALL OVER ITS FACE STICKING FLAGS
IN ITS ASS.
TRUST ME, THAT-- (LAUGHTER)
THAT IS A VERY GOOD IMPRESSION OF BUZZ ALDRIN.
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HIM LATELY.
THERE'S ACTUALLY A PITCH PERFECT IMPERSONATION.
MEANWHILE BACK ON EARTH FACEBOOK EXPERIENCED A GLITCH OVER THE
WEEKEND WHERE IT ACCIDENTALLY POSTED DEATH NOTIFICATIONS FOR
MILLIONS OF USERS WHO ARE STILL ALIVE.
YEAH, LIKE ONCE THEY SAW THAT THEIR FRIENDS DIED MOST PEOPLE
WERE LIKE SO WHAT DO I GO WITH HERE.
THE-- THE CRYING FACE, THE ANGRY FACE, DO I-- JUST A PLAIN OLD
LIKE BUTTON.
I NEVER KNOW.
YOU THINK IT'S BAD WHEN YOUR FRIENDS DON'T WISH YOU A HAPPY
BIRTHDAY ON FACEBOOK.
IMAGINE WHEN THEY DON'T SAY ANYTHING AFTER YOU DIE ON
FACEBOOK.
YOU BE LIKE SCREW YOU, MARGIE IN DT ACCOUNTING.
I SEE YOU POSTING RECIPES.
NOT EVEN POSTING AN RIP, AT LEAST A FEW PEOPLE SAW THE
FACEBOOK DECLARED THEM DEAD AND THEY WERE LAKE THIS IS IT, THIS
IS MY CHANCE TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY AND START A NEW LIFE!
IN OTHER NEWS, DONALD TRUMP CONTINUED WITH HIS WHITE HOUSE
TRANSITION OVER THE WEEKEND, APPOINTING RNC CHAIR REINCE
PREEBUS AS HIS WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF.
AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE QUESTIONING THIS NEW APPOINTMENT
AND THE BIGGEST QUESTION PEOPLE HAVE IS IT IS RINSE, IS IT -- IS
IT RANCE-- RAN KRERKS.
REYONCE?
IT'S SUCH A STUPID NAME.
(APPLAUSE) IS REINCE PREEBUS WERE A
CHARACTER ON GAME OF THRONES EVEN THEM PEOPLE WOULD BE LIKE
SERIOUSLY, THAT'S YOUR NAME, PRIEBUS WILL BE TRUMP'S CHIEF OF
STAFF ALTHOUGH THEY WILL BE RENAMING THE TITLE TO TO CHIEF
OF DELETING EMBARRASSING TWEETS.
FINALLY WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS, RUMORS ARE CIRCULATING
THAT DONE ALL TRUMP HAS BEEN TELLING HIS ADVISORS THAT HE
PLANS TO SPEND HIS WEEKENDS IN HIS TRUMP TOWER PENTDHOUSE IN
NEW YORK CITY INSTEAD OF THE WHITE HOUSE.
YEAH, I KNOW.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT VOTERS MEANT WHEN THEY SAID THEY WANTED
A WASHINGTON OUTSIDER.
IF HE DOES DECIDE-- (APPLAUSE)
IF HE DOES DECIDE TO LIVE IN TRUMP TOWER, PRESIDENTIAL
HISTORIANS TELL US THIS IS THE FIRST TIME A SITTING PRESIDENT
WILL BE LIVING ABOVE A NIKEYTOWN.
I LOVE THAT TRUMP JUST THINKS HE CAN JUST TAKE OFF BACK TO NEW
YORK.
LIKE JUST IMAGINE TRUMP ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON AT THE WHITE
HOUSE ASKING HIS NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR HEY, YOU THINK
THIS ISIS BRIEFING WILL BE OVER BY 6:00.
I'VE GOT A THING.
I REALLY NEED TO-- (LAUGHTER)
WHEN HILLARY CLINTON FOUND OUT THAT TRUMP WASN'T PLANNING ON
STAYING IN THE WHITE HOUSE ON WEEKENDS, SHE WAS LIKE SINCE
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE THERE-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)