- He locks the doors and he goes,
"You're not going anywhere."
He's like, "Oh no, we're going back to your place to cuddle.
"You're not going anywhere." - Uh.
(jazzy music)
- Hi, I'm Destiny. - Hi, I'm Tyler.
- Hey, I'm Emily. - Hey, I'm Sean.
- And today, we'll be comparing our dating app stories.
(jazzy music)
- 99%. - Swiping no, I'd say 40%.
Just usually, I give people the benefit of the doubt.
- Honestly, when I used to use dating apps,
I don't use them so much anymore,
but when I did, it was a joke.
So, I would just literally swipe through everyone.
I don't think that's a good
representation of-- - Swipe yes?
Or swipe no? - Yeah, swipe yes on everyone.
- I was always very picky,
so I would swipe no on most people.
But then I'd swipe right on the ones
that I shouldn't have swiped right on.
(jazzy music)
- Some situations, I did message first,
but-- - You feel it out.
- Yeah, you just feel it out, yeah.
- If there's something that their profile
makes you wanna talk about, then you'll talk about it.
- I rarely message first.
If he's super cute, meets all my criteria,
seems like husband material, which is
not a thing on these apps, I'm learning.
But it's very rare.
Usually I don't say anything and I just
wait for someone to send me, "You up?
"What you doing? Come through."
- I wouldn't message very first often, unless somebody that
I wanted to message me didn't and then I would do it.
- I usually don't message first.
It'll take a lot for me to wanna message first.
You gotta check off all my boxes.
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- I received messages a lot when I was active on them.
- I honestly didn't receive that many.
Yeah, I think women just respond messages from everywhere.
But yeah, men, it's pretty rare
unless you're super good looking.
- I'd say I received messages, maybe two messages a day,
kind of like a slow and steady trickle.
- It's very inconsistent.
So, one time I was holding up seven conversations at once,
which was a lot, but then other days,
it's like I could go a month without getting
a single message and I'm like, "Whatever, it's fine."
Dating's not a priority for me.
- Me neither.
(jazzy music)
- Not too many have been too creepy,
I won't lie. - Good.
- I think, just to start off with,
probably men are usually the creepier ones
in this situation. - Yes.
- So, I haven't had too many creepy dates.
But one weird thing that happened once
was I was on a first date with this girl
and half way through, she asked me,
"So, how do you feel about incest?"
And I was like, "Why?"
And she got into her interest in certain animes and manga
that revolve around incestual plots.
And she just had this fascination with forbidden love,
which I guess kinda makes sense.
But I would rather you just stick with Romeo and Juliet.
- I think there's a difference between
forbidden and illegal. - Yeah.
Or just gross, you know? - That's a shame.
(laughing)
- So, this was my freshman year of college.
This guy messaged me on an app and I was like,
"Okay fine, I'll give you a chance."
It's late at night, it's 8:30, 9:00 pm,
and we're walking through this pitch black forest,
so it was super terrifying.
There was no lights, there's no emergency systems
to call if anyone got in trouble.
And I was like, "So, this leads back to my dorm, right?"
And he was like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
And I was like, "Okay, I trust you, you're a third year."
Big mistake because we ended up on the other side of campus.
I was like, "Uh, okay, well I wanna go now."
He dead ass called his friend
and his friend stopped driving for Uber and picked us up
and I got into a car with two strangers (laughs)
and trusted them to not kidnap me.
- Oh my god. - And so, I had them
drop me off at a roundabout near my dorm
and he was like, "Oh, is this your dorm right here?"
And I was like, "No, I live way over there."
- Smart. - "I'm just gonna walk."
And so, I walked around and then walked
all the way back to the other side of my building.
- I'd say one of the creepiest experiences I've had,
which happens a lot when you're on a dating app,
is guys, you'll match with someone
and then they'll message you and then you're like,
"Eh, I'm not really feeling this."
They'll find you on Instagram or Facebook or something
and they'll be like, "Hey, we matched on Tinder.
"Talk to me now."
And it's a huge red flag and it should never happen
and if you're one of those people who do that, stop,
'cause it's weird as hell. - It is.
And that's the risk of dating apps, too,
is that just from your name and picture,
guys can find you on all these different sites, too.
- I met up with this guy and I usually don't
do stuff like this, but he's like,
"How 'bout we just take a drive and we can just
"talk and get to know each other, whatever?"
And I was like, "That's different, sure."
So, he picks me up, he has a nice car,
works in the medical field, and I'm like,
"Okay, maybe I did something right."
- He got money. - He got money!
He parks the car and he's just playing music.
Later that night, I had plans to meet up
with girlfriends for drinks, so I was like,
"Hey, I'm gonna call my Uber pretty soon here."
He locks the doors and he goes, "You're not going anywhere."
And I said, "'Scuse me?"
He's like, "Oh no, we're going back to your place to cuddle.
"You're not going anywhere." - Uh.
- And like I said, I'm really nice,
so I was just like, (clears throat)
my heart's beating at this point, really fast, and I'm like,
"Um, I already called my ride share, it's on its way."
And he was like, "That's too bad."
Starts the car, he drives away from my waiting Uber.
At that point, I was like, "I have a knife
"and pepper spray in my purse and I am not afraid to use it
"if you don't let me out of this car right now."
I literally pull out the knife
and was like, "Let me out the car."
He stops the car, rolls his eyes, lets me out the car.
I slam the door, get in my Uber,
and I'm just sitting in my Uber like, "What the?
"That coulda been really bad.
"I coulda stabbed someone tonight!"
- I'm having anxiety right now just from
hearing that. - It was bad.
- Oh my god, I'm so scared right now.
- Mama is always prepared, okay?
- Don't get in the car with strangers, period.
(jazzy music)
- We show up at the movie.
He shows up late, so I'm sitting
and I'm already watching the movie.
He comes with a small child and I was like,
"Oh, is this your brother?"
He's like, "This is my son."
And I was like-- - Cool cool cool cool cool.
- You have a child.
He leaves me with the child for 20 minutes of the movie
and little kid's just lookin' at me and I'm just like.
He also tried to kiss me during the movie
and was puttin' his arm around me,
with the kid in the middle-- - No!
- And I'm just like, "This is not, this is not a thing."
Story number two: another man I met, he was like,
"Hey, I'd love for you to come to my event with me."
And I was like, "Sure."
We have a great time, great night,
he's a gentleman the whole night.
I forget to bring a jacket.
At the end of the night, he's like,
"Hey, you can just wear my jacket home."
And I was like, "Oh thanks, I'll return it to you
"in the morning, thank you so much."
The next morning, he texts me.
He's like, "Hey, so, I gave you that jacket, so you owe me."
And I was like, "What do I owe you, sir?"
He was like, "You know what you owe me."
And I was like, "I don't know what I owe you."
It's like, "You can have the jacket back."
He's like, "No, I don't want it now."
He's like, "You know what I want."
And I was just like, "Lord, why me?"
- Listen, men are the rudest people I've ever met
in my entire life. - Preach.
- It really does pain me that
I am attracted to them sometimes.
(laughing)
I went on this date with this guy one time
and it was one of my first Tinder dates ever.
He was just really full of himself.
He did the creepy thing where he stalked my social media,
but it was after we had been talking,
so I was like, "I can kind of give this
"a pass because I'm kind of into it."
But it was aggressive.
He was commenting on pictures of me
that he thought were cute and saying,
commenting like we were already dating.
At the moment, I was like, "I guess this is all right."
Anyway, so we go out to this restaurant/bar.
He's being really offensive and talking,
he's unloading all of his family drama
on me already and it's the first date.
And then he said the R word a couple of times really loudly,
and I was just like-- - What is the R word?
- I can't say it. - Tell me after.
- It's the R word. - Yeah, tell me after.
- It's a bad word. - Oh, that R word.
Okay, gotcha, okay. - Yeah!
He said a bad word, yelled it, at least three times.
And every time he did, I was like, "Oh god."
As soon as he started just, you know,
it was a therapy appointment for him,
I was like, "Okay, I'm done."
So, the date ended up going well
on my end because I stopped caring.
In terms of what we're eating, he was like,
"Okay, so we'll get the cheapest beers on the menu
"and then we'll split the cheapest appetizer."
Which was a cold sausage.
And so, I think the total bill, everything over, it was $15.
(snorting)
And so, which is fine.
$15, and so, the check comes and then he grabs it
and then he's slowly grabbing it and I'm like, "Oh my god."
And then, he's like, "Yeah so, the date.
"Here's the part where I'm gonna be
"the chivalrous man and grab the check
"and then you, being this liberal, cool lady,
"is gonna say, "Do you wanna?""
- He said this out loud? - Yes!
Yes, he said it out loud.
And then I was like, "Are you trying to get me to ask you
"if you wanna split this $15 check?"
- It's $15. - And he was like,
yeah, but then he was like, "Yeah!
"Cool, great, let's split it."
And I was like, "Am I not worth $15 to you?
"My friends have bought me lattes that cost more money.
"This is a date and you were being
"really fuckin' weird about it."
And then he just proceeded to show me
his favorite YouTube videos for 20 minutes.
And I was like, "I gotta go."
- So, I don't normally give out my number
on these dating apps, but I matched with this guy
and I was like, "Okay, fine, whatever."
We had been talking for three days
or something and he was pretty charming.
I was like, "Whatever, I'll give you chance.
"Whatever, it's fine."
We grab lunch and I was, we were talking about family stuff,
and I was like, "Ooh, that's a red flag,
"that's a red flag, that's a red flag."
We end up going to the stationery store
and I pick up a candle and I was like, "Oh, this is cute."
And then I look at the price
and I was like, "Ooh, not for that price.
"I'mma put it back." - Very normal.
- Yeah, a normal behavior.
And then he's like, "Just put it in your pocket.
"Just put it in your bag, no one's looking."
- And I was like, "Uh, well, no."
And then, so, I was like, "Ah ha ha, no, it's,
"I don't need it, it's fine."
And then I was like, "Oh, my grandpa's
"birthday is coming up."
I found a card at the store and I was like,
"Dang, this card's like $4, $5?
"I'm not gonna pay $5 for a birthday card, whatever."
And he was like, "Just put it in your bag."
And there was an employee right there, within earshot,
hearing him say, "Put this in your bag."
I don't know you, this is the first time we're meeting.
Like, hello?
You know how there's that area where you can test pens?
- Yeah, yeah. - So he, (laughs)
he said, "Wouldn't it be romantic if
"you wrote your full name and phone number on there
"and then your soulmate will go and find it
"and then they'll call you?"
And I was like, "Or someone could dox me or they could
"sell my personal information or they could hack me."
There's so many possibilities of how this could go wrong.
Why would you say that?
And then, it was just every single store.
"Put it in your bag, no one's looking."
So yeah, that was, you know, that was pretty bad.
- Honestly, I've had several times where I just go on dates.
My biggest pet peeve is when people are just constantly
on their phones. - Yeah.
- And so, I've had a couple dates where girls
just constantly stare at their phone.
Sometimes they'll be on other dating apps while on a date
with me. - What?
- And it's like, I get it, but just wait.
- No, that's really rude. - Yeah, I know.
- My phone is nowhere to be found.
- Yeah, but I still paid at least $15 for them, so.
Whatever your excuse was, bro?
I can't help you there.
- I hope he's broke and unhappy.
- I think something I've learned as a whole,
the moral of the story is, besides the fact that we have
horrible taste in men-- - Yeah.
- I think that, (laughs) in general, I think everyone,
whether they wanna admit it or not,
on these apps is looking for love
or looking for a deeper connection,
but I think it's easy for a lotta people
to hide behind a screen and kind of
not put their best foot forward or show who they really are.
- And on the flip side of that, some of these people
really put their best foot forward--
- True. - And make it seem like
they're this idealized version of themselves on these apps--
- True. - Because, you know,
people build up these personal brands and stuff
through Instagram and through any other social media, too.
It's just the nature of this day and age.
- Well, and it's true.
How can, I'm a great person, you're a great person,
there's all great people out there,
but how are you gonna tell that
by four pictures and three sentences?
- Exactly. - You know what I mean?
- Your dating experiences sound pretty normal.
- Yeah. - It's pretty standard.
It's like, you sound like you're
not really seriously dating. - Yeah, I'm,
it's hard to take these seriously.
- Yeah. - It's really hard.
- Yeah. - But.
- Are you in a place where you're
looking to be in a relationship or are you just
kind of floatin' around, seein' what happens?
- I think I'm at a point in my life where I'm just kind of--
- Yeah. - Just goin' with the flow.
You know? - Yeah.
Well then, definitely get off the app.
- Yes. - I'm a little jaded,
can you tell? - I've always had
a rough image of what women have to deal with
when going on these dates and I feel like you just
kind of cemented those thoughts in my head.
- Yeah. - But yeah.
- I would say, listen, I have friends, (laughs)
I have friends who have met their significant others
on dating apps and they have been together for three years
and that is the only reason why I've ever considered
getting back on them when I've gotten off.
'Cause I'm like, "Well, but it is possible."
'Cause it's a good amount of my friends.
- I think she covered all the bases here.
I think she got it.
You can just cut all my parts out,
you can just, more room for Emily's TED talk.
- Listen, if you need help, send me a DM, I'll help you.
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