Do you struggle with perfectionism? Or do you think it’s not a problem and use it
as your go-to interview question humble brag? That used was me, no judgment. In this video,
I’m going to share with you why perfectionism is really self-criticism in disguise and how
you can overcome it. Plus, I’ll share a win from you, K Nation, in Progress Success,
and I’ll Bring The Heat for a motivational push. On this episode of The Dr. K Show.
I'm Dr. Karthik Ramanan, and on this channel I help ambitious individuals end self criticism
with tools and strategies to create optimal everyday mental health. If you're new here
and you know you need to get out of your own way to execute on your passions, I’m here
for you. I encourage you to subscribe right now and hit the bell. You don't want to miss
out.
Each week on The Dr. K Show, I answer YOUR burning questions. The second segment is Progress
Success, where I share a win from K Nation, people just like you. And in the final segment,
I Bring The Heat. If you need a kickstart, a little motivation, stick around until the
end. I drop wisdom, raw and real.
I wanted to be a hobbyist rockstar. I wanted to be like James Hetfield of Metallica. I
remember, once I could afford a guitar, I was so excited to bring it home and start
this journey. And then I began to realize how much work it was going to be to actually
learn how to play and get good enough to perform. So what did I do? I bought another guitar,
because that’s going to give me the motivation to learn! And then another. And another. I
eventually realized that, certainly without sustained committed practice, I couldn’t
play like Hetfield. So, why bother? I gave up guitar.
Have you ever given up on something you loved because you felt you weren’t good enough
at it? Let me know in the comments below. I read and respond to every comment.
Then why is it that so many of us strive for perfection?
Is it because we have high standards? No, it has nothing to do with your high standards.
It has everything to do with your self-criticism.
To have high standards is to recognize that we are capable of more. It is to find contentment
in the process of growth and becoming the person you envision yourself to be. High standards
means that we are not satisfied with mediocrity, yet we find happiness in the pursuit of greatness.
High standards are a threshold below which we will not tolerate the present situation
and are driven to action. Nothing more.
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By contrast, perfectionism is rooted in self-criticism. It’s the notion that our performance, and
therefore WE, are not good enough. Perfectionism by itself causes us to not take action. It
causes us to accumulate assets and knowledge without putting into practice the resources
we’ve acquired. How many personal development books and seminars have we all attended without
taking action on all the information we were so eager to learn?
Voltaire said "Perfect is the enemy of good.” I say "Perfect is the enemy of done." Perfectionism
kills creativity. Perfectionism kills action. So what can we do to stop it?
The first step. Dig into your childhood and recall the incident that first made you feel
that you weren’t enough. This might not be an enjoyable experience. Were you trying
to be good enough for someone else, maybe a parent? But start to recognize other stories
and patterns that evolved after that incident where you felt you weren’t enough. How did
you handle them? By overachieving? That may have driven you to the success you have today.
But what happened when you couldn’t overachieve in certain situations? Did your desire for
perfection stop you?
To go much deeper is beyond the scope of today’s show, but I will leave you with this. You
can overcome perfectionism by taking small, incremental positive action in creative spaces
that maybe don’t have huge implications to your daily life. Maybe it’s watching
drawing tutorials on YouTube. Maybe it’s trying a couple items in that plant based
cookbook that’s sitting on your shelf.
Or maybe, like in my case, it’s finally picking up that guitar.
Today’s Progress Success is brought to you by one of my clients. Like many of us who
have dealt with perfectionism, it’s often rooted in not being good enough for our parents.
That was absolutely the case for my client, who in the process of owning herself had this
amazing discovery.
“My parents are trusting me, and actually listening to me. I finally feel they trust
that I know what I am talking about. It’s a super strange transition that I’m grateful
is happening.”
Take that, perfectionism!
I get you. You’re waiting for your time. You’re doing your research. You’re collecting
the things you need. You’ve watched so many YouTube videos. You’ve read the books. You’ve
listened to countless podcasts. You’ve invested in online courses. You’ve gone to seminars.
Yes, I've been there too. And then I broke free, as will you.
Here's the brutal truth. If you're still attached to being perfect rather than just starting
with imperfect action, you're more committed to holding onto your past than going after
your ideal future.
Can you get one percent better every day? Just a mere one percent? If you do, in one
year, you’ll be 37 times better! Don’t compare where you are today with some idealized
version of where you think you should be. This is YOUR journey, not anyone else’s.
Take one step towards the person you want to be and just get one percent better today.
Can you do that?
I challenge you to dig down deep into your past to look at why you deal with perfectionism.
And once you see it, see that child that dealt with that disempowering situation… bring
your adult self into that memory and teach your inner child that, it’s ok, you made
it to adulthood. And that inner child, now free of the burden of not being enough, will
return the favor and give you that permission and confidence that you need in order to create
momentum in your life.
Look, your intentions are noble. Your knowledge is strong. Your resources are aplenty. You
are enough!
Take that first step, that one tiny little step toward executing on the things you’re
passionate about. Whatever it is you want to build, whoever it is you want to be, you
ARE enough!
And the very fact that you choose to embrace your imperfection and take action will make
you even more, enough.
I believe in
your greatness.