There, over there. See him? The cute boy in the blue jacket.
Yeah, I see him.
Isn't he cute?
I have no opinion on that.
Well, trust me, he's super cute.
All right. Cool. Okay. Boy. Blue jacket. Super cute.
Now, can we please get this over with?
Okay, hold on. Wait.
- What is that? Whoa. - I'm giving you a disguise.
Hold still and be quiet.
What? What? Why is this necessary?
Cause when Jackson becomes my boyfriend,
he's going to meet you someday, and I don't want him to think
my own brother tried to jack my phone.
All right, well- what about- Yeah, okay, that makes sense.
[CB chatter]
What happened to me?
Well, uh, you sustained some minor injuries,
but luckily, we paramedics showed up,
and you're going to be okay.
You're... You're a paramedic?
Uh-huh. Yeah. Totally.
But... you look like you're my age.
Yeah, well, um...
I- I'm in the-
I'm in the Junior Paramedics Program, so.
Cool.
Thanks.
Hey, you don't happen to go to Swellview Junior High, do ya?
Yeah, I- I just started there.
No way. I go there, too.
I'm Piper Hart.
Jackson Bartell.
Hey, uh...
we should like maybe hang out sometime.
Sure. I can hang.
[sighing]
Wow. This is a pretty crazy way for us to meet.
I know. Isn't it cute?
Hey, you!
- What? - Shut up!
It's Kid Danger!
Oh, my God! We love you, Kid Danger!
Spoiler alert: I'm about to spoil you.
Yes. That was the perfect quip.
Get outta here.
[cheering]
Maybe I'll just break your arm
and then ruin the movie for everyone.
Get your hands off Kid Danger!
[yelling]
It's Captain Man.
[cheering]
Alright. That's enough.
Calm down.
Go Piper!
[cheering]
Well, The Spoiler, I'm about to spoil you.
I alright quipped that.
Oh.
Kid Danger, can I have a hug?
Uh... not right now, I need to go stand over there.
[cheering, applause]
We love you, Kid Danger!
[applause]
Kid Danger is so hot.
Yeah, you don't want to be saying that.
My brother is Kid Danger, but my brother is gross.
So, Kid Danger is gross? But I love Kid Danger.
So I love my brother? [screaming]
Oh, come on, Mom!
- No. - Dad?
- Well. - No.
No.
Ugh. I don't get why it's such a big deal.
We don't get why it's such a big deal.
I mean, I see why it's such a big deal.
I- I just- I'm sorry, what?
Mom, it's one date with one boy.
You are too young to go on dates with boys.
Ugh. Okay, I know what's going on here.
You guys just don't like the idea
of me going out with Kale.
- Now, Piper. - It's true.
You think Kale's a loser just because his dad has no job,
and cause his mom drives a dirty bus.
Well, I don't feel comfortable having this conversation
about Kale while he's in the room.
If I go on a double date with Henry or Jasper,
then can I go out with Kale?
Look, your mom and I agree you are too young to be-
Actually, if it's a double date with Henry or Jasper,
then, I guess it's okay.
And that's final.
[screaming]
I brought a gift for Billy's little filly.
What?
- The future Mrs. Bilsky. - Nope.
The sister to this mister.
Why don't you open the box, Jeff?
Okay.
Ahh.
- What is it? - It's a Venetian ham...
from Venetia.
Wait, isn't Venetian ham like crazy expensive?
Yeah, and weren't a bunch of them stolen this morning?
Uh, I don't know nothing about no stolen hams.
Okay, then how did you pay for this one?
Well, I figured Mom's going to make bank when she sues
the lawn mower company for cutting off her toe,
so why not spend that money now... on ham.
Oh, he's the smart one.
[laughing]
Well, let's dig in, jerks.
This pork ain't gonna pig itself.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!
You know, Piper spent all day making fish lasagna
with whipped cream,
and you can smell all seven fishes.
Thanks, Billy.
I think someone's going to kiss.
[kissing, laughing]
- How are we related? - Relax.
I can't stand you.
Why do you always hit people's mailboxes?!