LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE HOLIDAY SEASON IS HERE.
HOLIDAY SHOPPING IS UPON US AND AMAZON IS TRYING TO MAKE IT EVEN
EASIER BY DEBUTING A NEW STORE CONCEPT CALLED AMAZON GO.
IT'S A STORE WHERE SENSORS DETECT WHICH ITEMS YOU'VE
GRABBED, CHARGE YOUR AMAZON ACCOUNT AND YOU CAN JUST WALK
OUT.
DON'T BELIEVE ME.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> FOUR YEARS AGO, WE STARTED TO WONDER WHAT WOULD SHOPPING LOOK
LIKE IF YOU COULD WALK INTO A STORE, GRAB WHAT YOU WANT AND
JUST GO.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: NOW, AMAZON IS
CALLING THIS "JUST WALK OUT TECHNOLOGY."
RIGHT?
IS THIS GROUNDBREAKING?
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S HOW I SHOPPED ALL THROUGH
MY TEENAGE YEARS.
I JUST WALKED OUT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MAYBE OTHER RETAILERS CAN LEARN
FROM THIS.
HEY, CVS PHARMACY.ù ARE YOU WATCHING?
THIS IS HOW YOU DO "SELF-CHECKOUT."
NOT ME SCANNING MY OWN STUFF FOR 15 MINUTES WHILE A WOMAN WITH A
RING OF KEYS JUDGES ME.
APPARENTLY, IT SCANS ALL YOUR ITEMS AND CHARGES YOU LATER.
AT THIS POINT, I'D STILL BE WAY TOO NERVOUS THAT I'D GET IN
TROUBLE.
I'D GO IN, GRAB A SANDWICH AND BE LIKE, (YELLING IN STORE) "I'M
TAKING THIS!
OKAY?
I'M LEAVING NOW.ù IS EVERYBODY COOL WITH THIS?"
BUT I DON'T KNOW.
I PREFER THE NORMAL WAY OF SHOPPING THROUGH AMAZON.
BUYING STUFF ONLINE AT 2 A.M.
AND BEING SURPRISED BY WHATEVER SHOWS UP AT MY FRONT DOOR.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU COME HOME FROM WORK --
"OHHH A BOWFLEX!" BUT NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT DONALD
TRUMP.
BECAUSE THIS IS A LATE NIGHT SHOW, AND IT'S REQUIRED BY LAW.
( LAUGHTER ) TODAY DONALD TRUMP LEARNED THAT
A NEW AIR FORCE ONE WAS BEING BUILT FOR $4 BILLION THAT WON'T
BE READY UNTIL AFTER HIS FIRST TERM, AND HE TWEETED THAT HE
WANTS TO CANCEL THE ORDER.
COINCIDENTALLY, THERE ARE ALREADY A LOT OF VOTERS WHO WISH
THEY COULD CANCEL AN ORDER THEY MADE ON NOVEMBER 8TH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DOES TRUMP THINK TWITTER IS LIKE
SIRI FOR THE PRESIDENCY?
"TWITTER!
CANCEL PLANE ORDER!
TWITTER!
APPOINT SOMEONE SECRETARY OF STATE!
TWITTER!
PISS OFF THE CHINESE FOR ME!" WHY IS HE EVEN DOING THIS?
THE PLANE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN FINISHED UNTIL 2022.
HEY TRUMP -- WHY YOU GOTTA CRAMP PRESIDENT KANYE'S STYLE LIKE
THAT?
OH, AND HERE'S SOME BAD NEWS FOR ANYONE FLYING THIS HOLIDAY
SEASON.
UNITED AIRLINES JUST ANNOUNCED A NEW PLAN WHERE YOU WILL HAVE TO
PAY TO STORE A CARRY-ON IN THE OVERHEAD BIN.
YEAH.
I KNOW.
WHAT'S NEXT?
"IN CASE OF A WATER LANDING, YOUR SEAT CAN BE USED AS A
FLOATATION DEVICE.ù FOR ONLY $129.
MAJOR CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED."
( LAUGHTER ) SO, FOR A LOWER PRICE, YOU CAN
FLY THIS SERVICE WHICH IS CALLED 'BASIC ECONOMY.'.
OR FOR AN EVEN LOWER PRICE, YOU CAN STAY IN THE CARGO HOLD WITH
A BUNCH OF IRISH IMMIGRANTS HOPING TO REACH THE NEW WORLD.
( APPLAUSE ) FINALLY, I HAVE TO SHOW YOU THIS
PHOTO THAT WENT VIRAL.
A COUPLE IN DISNEY WORLD LOCKED LIPS FOR A ONCE IN A LIFETIME
PHOTO IN FRONT OF CINDERELLA'S CASTLE.
AND THEY WERE ACCIDENTALLY PHOTOBOMBED BY A WOMAN WHO SEEMS
TO DISAPPROVE.
( LAUGHTER ) LOOK AT THE EXPRESSION ON HER
FACE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IN HER DEFENSE, THAT GUY IS HER HUSBAND.
CAN WE SEE HER AGAIN?
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T KNOW WHO THIS WOMAN IS,
BUT I'M POSITIVE HER NAME IS LINDA.
( LAUGHTER ) THE THING IS, THIS WOMAN HAS
BEEN PHOTOBOMBING KISSES FOR A WHILE.
WHO KNEW SHE WAS PRESENT AT THIS KISS?
( LAUGHTER ) AND LOOK AT HOW SHE REACTED TO
THIS KISS.
( LAUGHTER ) AND WHO KNEW SHE'D HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS KISS?
AND WHO KNEW SHE'D HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS KISS?