So I don't know...
...whats been up lately,
but for the past six or something months.
However long its been since around October.
I feel like my love for makeup has just disappeared.
If you've been following me from the very beginning,
I've been on YouTube since,
2010-ish
Officially.
And...
...for that long I was strictly just vlogging about make-up.
I would talk about it and/or I would put it on my face
and do tutorial like videos.
Now I've never been the best at makeup
and I never claimed to be.
Insert Pokemon theme song here!
I'm no Sam or Dominique from Batalash,
who are two of my favorite makeup people,
of all time currently.
and Jordan Liberty, I can't forget about him either.
and I need you all to close caption your videos,
I've sent you e-mails, please look at them and do them!
Please!
But you all know that, uhh,
on October, I made my first video that had absolutely nothing to with makeup in any way, shape, or form.
and then I made another video talking about how I was tired of doing
makeup videos, or I was tired of the beauty community on YouTube
YouTube made me fall in love with make-up and I wanted to learn more.
I wanted to do more and because opportunities are very scarce in this area
The Opportunity to learn wasn't there, so I was hoping that
by doing stuff on YouTube
something would happen.
I was hoping that some sort of opportunity would come around,
like with the Deaf accessibility videos right now, all sorts of opportunities have come up,
job related things and interviews and what not
I was hoping that something like that would happen
during the four plus years I was doing makeup stuff on YouTube.
I wanted to learn more and I wanted it to be a career for me
for those many years I wanted to do makeup professionally.
again
I'm not the best, but...
that's obviously what me wanting to learn more was for.
I used to wear makeup all the time
All the money that I could get would go towards new products,
all the money went to makeup to be able to use on YouTube,
because everybody on YouTube that does makeup on this thing
All the money they would get would go towards all the new products and that gets very expensive,
and I fell into that habit and it just became to me, more of a
"Buy all the new stuff because nobody is gonna care about what came out three months ago, when new things come out."
and I don't know, I...
...I don't know if maybe its because I don't have much of a life here.
I don't...go out very often and when I do
it's just to the bookstore, which makeup isn't really...
...a thing at all at a bookstore, nobody cares.
And I always felt like I just keep...
...wearing all this make-up and buying all this makeup I'm just kind of wasting it, but...
Of course I should wear this because I want and not so everybody on the planet can look at it.
But then again, I remember Sam saying that...
...one of the things about being a makeup artist was, you know,
If you go out and you wear makeup people are going to see, people might ask and that's when you, you know, network a little bit.
That doesn't happen here.
So when I ended up moving to this apartment, I was wearing makeup almost every single day.
I mean I was officially only five to ten minutes from the bookstore instead of thirty.
So I could justify...
...you know, always going out.
Whereas, when I was really living in the middle of nowhere,
which is so much gas, and I thought,
"Meh, I don't feel the need to just keep on wearing makeup and going somewhere
only for, like, an hour then driving all the way back."
Thirty minutes doesn't sound like a lot to a lot of people, but when you're, uhh, when you got a budget, its a lot.
So, then, you know, since I made that YouTube video about me being tired of the makeup community on YouTube,
I was just so burnt out on makeup videos.
And I ended up getting into a really strong makeup rut, even more than when I was still doing videos.
and that just turned into me either, not wearing makeup, or me just doing the same thing over and over and over.
But then Whitney and I went to IMATS and I was thinking,
"O.K. maybe us going to IMATS is going to light a spark underneath my ass,"
because if I'm around a bunch of people who, obviously, love makeup and...
...if I'm gonna be around all these brands...
...maybe, you know, something will happen again and it did,
for a little while, when...
...the show was over and when I had all these new, pretty things, I thought,
"Man, I want to come home and I want to start doing some videos again."
And I think I maybe did one or two since January, which isn't a lot.
It was way less than I had planned to do,
because not to long after I got back
about a month
the makeup rut just came right back and I thought,
"Man, I don't...I don't feel like putting anything on, but I..."
A lot of it was, "I don't feel like going anywhere."
I rarely leave my apartment now.
Because I get bored in here and then when I go somewhere, when I go to the bookstore.
I get bored there and I just want to come back.
Because at least its warmer in my apartment, whereas in Barnes and Noble its literally below freezing,
even when its already below freezing outside!
I have a makeup Instagram and I always like to post makeup pictures on Tumblr.
and I started, obviously, updating the Instagram page for my makeup way less, because...
...when you're not wearing anything, there's nothing to update with.
and then I'll see, you know, Sam or Dominique, err anybody else post pictures of their new makeup looks,
and I'm like, "Damn, I miss that so much."
In the back of my head its like nostalgia or something.
but then I, you know, wake up at eleven in the morning and I think,
"Man, I just don't want to do anything today."
"I don't want to do anything for the rest of the week!"
"I don't want to do anything for the rest of the month!"
Honestly, I haven't looked at blogs.
I use to look at Temptalia, religiously.
But, I...
...don't look at her page anymore.
I stopped the makeup vlogging, I mostly stopped makeup vlogging
I haven't had the urge to buy anything, but that's mostly because I don't even know what's out, when you don't look at makeup blogs, you don't know whats out.
So, you have no...urge to go out and buy everything, except for the Sauce Box and Batalash eye-shadow pallet.
You will be mine.
I've de-cluttered a lot of makeup because I think,
"what's the point if I'm not going to do tutorials with these, I'm not going to wear them very often."
I just recently sold a bunch of Mac stuff, that's actually for personal reasons, I have a little beef with Mac...
...that kind of involves me personally, but not really. It involves my friend a lot more personally than me, but that's a long story.
But I've de-cluttered a lot, I've just recently thrown out a lot of nail polish.
I've never been a nail polish person to begin with really.
I've...
...definitely tried to de-clutter and sell a lot of lip products, because those are so hard for me to finish...
...and...
...I've had some of them for a while, so, I thought
"O.K. I just gotta de-clutter and sell as much as I can"
That was a little bit sad, because I have-as much as I feel like my love for make-up seems to have run away,
somehow, I still had a little bit of a sentimental attachment to those.
I just-I don't know what it is, half of me misses it and half of me doesn't care anymore, and I don't know which side I side with more
I don't know if maybe its temporary, I remember somebody telling me that "all artists have this rut."
But I don't want to be in this rut, but I don't know how to fix it.
I remember making a couple of good friends in the makeup blogging and vlogging world,
but I don't talk to a lot of them anymore because...
...I don't "work" with makeup anymore, so, I feel like I just drifted apart from them,
Not on purpose, but I don't know.
Its sad really
I don't know how many of the people that subscribe to me...
...during my makeup vlogging days are still around...
...but, hopefully some of you are still around and, you know, you can...
...help me out, er, something, I don't know.
Maybe if I was around all of my make-up blogging friends in person, or if I was in an area that...
...is obviously much more involved in make-up it would be a lot easier?
I don't know
Because I should love makeup regardless of where I am,
But I don't know.
I feel like there's got to be somebody out there that's been like me as far as makeup goes.
And...
..you know, they've gotten out of that rut because, I'd-I'd like to get out of it.
I know there's some part of me, some big part of me that...
...really wants to get back into it regularly, but...
...she's [I'm] just, I don't know, like, locked up away like in the chamber of secrets
SOLIDREFERENCEBABY
I have "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" book...as my tripod thing.
I don't know how to end this video...at all.
I didn't plan out exactly what I was going to say, so there's no smooth ending its just...
And now I'm just going to end this thing.
Alright, I will see you...in my next video.
Bye!