>> THE NEW YORK GIANTS ANNOUNCED THAT THEY WERE BENCHING
ELI MANNING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 13 YEARS.
I KNOW, SO IF YOU SEE ELI MANNING LOOKING SAD --
THAT'S JUST HOW HE ALWAYS LOOKS. >> A NEW SURVEY FINDS THAT FOUR
OUT OF FIVE AMERICANS BELIEVE THAT SEXUAL HARASSMENT IS TAKING
PLACE IN THE WORKPLACE. WHILE ONE OUT OF FIVE COULDN'T
RESPOND BECAUSE THEIR BOSS'S PENIS WAS BLOCKING THE KEYBOARD.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, AND I ALMOST FORGOT.
HERE'S THIS WEEK'S BATCH OF PREDATORS.
JUST A WHOLE NEW SEGMENT OF THE NEWS NOW.
JUST READ THE NAMES EVERY WEEK LIKE POWER BALL NUMBERS.
>> ON WEDNESDAY, THE ROCKEFELLER CENTER CHRISTMAS TREE WAS LIT,
AND SO WAS ANN CURRY. [ APPLAUSE ]
>> ACCORDING TO NEW ALLEGATIONS AGAINST MATT LAUER, THE FORMER
"TODAY" SHOW HOST GAVE A FEMALE COLLEAGUE A SEX TOY AS A GIFT.
WHICH IS A BAD THING? WOW, SO I GUESS THAT MEANS I
SHOULD RETURN THE SECRET SANTA GIFT I GOT FOR COLIN.
>> IT'S DOUBLE SIDED. DON'T YOU PULL BOTH SIDES.
OKAY. IN A NEW INTERVIEW, JAY-Z
ADMITTED THAT HE CHEATED ON BEYONCE.
YEAH MAN. WE KNOW.
>> A HISTORIAN IN VIRGINIA BELIEVES THE CONFEDERATE STATUE
OF ROBERT E. LEE MAY HAVE A TIME CAPSULE INSIDE IT CONTAINING AN
EXTREMELY RARE PHOTO OF LINCOLN LYING IN HIS COFFIN.
STARRING NICOLAS CAGE. >> ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY,
DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN CATS. BUT I DON'T KNOW, I NEVER HEARD
OF A CAT FALLING FOR THE PEA NUT BUTTER TRICK.
[ LAUGHTER ] >>> A SPECIAL PERFORMANCE OF
OVERGLOW WILL BE PERFORMING THIS FRIDAY IN WHICH ALL THE MEMBERS
OF THE CAST AND THE AUDIENCE WILL BE NAKED.
IT'S ONE WHERE THE CRITICS ARE SAYING, MAYBE NOT RIGHT NOW.
>> EXPERTS ARE NOW SAYING THAR ONE OF THE KEYS TO A LONG,
HEALTHY MARRIAGE IS TO MAKE SURE COUPLES KEEP THEIR SEX LIVES
FRESH AND EXCITING. HERE TO SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCE
WITH KAMA SUTRA, THE ANCIENT HINDU GUIDE TO ELABORATE SEXUAL
POSITIONS, IS A MARRIED COUPLE WHO TRIED EVERY ONE IN THE BOOK,
THE DUNCANS. >> HELLO, MICHAEL.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING US. >> SO YOU TWO REALLY TRIED EVERY
POSITION IN THE KAMA SUTRA? >> OH, SHE'S SHY.
>> OH, BOY, I'M BLUSHING. BUT, YES, I HAVE TO SAY THAT IT
REALLY SPICED THING UP. I'M MORE ATTRACTED TO GARY THAN
EVER. >> AW.
AND THE DOCTORS SAY I'LL MAKE A FULL RECOVERY.
BUT MICHAEL, LET ME TELL YOU THIS, BEFORE COUPLES ATTEMPT THE
KAMA SUTRA, THEY NEED TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE ON THE SAME PAGE.
>> RIGHT, YOU MEAN, LIKE, DISCUSS WHAT THEY'RE BOTH
COMFORTABLE WITH. >> YES, THAT.
BUT ALSO BE ON THE LITERAL SAME PAGE OF THE ACTUAL BOOK.
MY WIFE -- SNEAKER -- LIKED TO SKIP AHEAD.
>> WHAT? I WAS EXCITED.
>> YEAH, AT ONE POINT I WAS ON PAGE SIX TRYING A POSITION
CALLED BEGINNERS BLOSSOM BUT SHE HAD SKIPPED AHEAD TO -- WHAT WAS
IT? >> BROKEN DONKEY.
>> BROKEN DONE KYI. AND IN THAT ONE I WAS THE BROKEN
DONKEY. YOU ARE SHICHL SHE'S SHY.
>> BUT WE WERE SO INSPIRED BY THE BOOK THAT WE KAEM UP WITH
SOME NEW POSITIONS THAT WE THINK OTHER
COUPLES MIGHT ENJOY, TOO. >> YES.
THIS ONE SHELLY QUITE ENJOYED BUT IT WASN'T MY FAVORITE.
IT'S CALLED, "YOU'RE A CHAIR NOW."
AS YOU CAN SEE, THE BLUE IS THE MALE, AND THE PINK IS THE
FEMALE. SHE IS IS A SHY ONE TODAY.
>> I'M TOO SHY TO GO INTO DETAILS BUT LADIES, THIS ONE
HITS ALL THE RIGHT SPOTS. >> IN ALL HONESTY, I HAD PASSED
OUT DURING THIS ONE. BUT SHELLY TELLS ME I LOVED IT.
BUT GENTLEMEN, IF YOU DO ATTEMPT "YOU'RE A CHAIR NOW," INSIST
YOUR WIFE IS BAREFOOT AND NOT WEARING HER SEXY HIGH HEELS.
>> OH, STOP, YOU LOVE MY HEELS. >> I DO.
>> THAT LOOKS PAINFUL. YOU'RE A BRAVE MAN.
>> WELL, I HAD NO CHOICE, ANOTHER ONE OF SHELLY'S
CREATIONS IS -- SHE CALLS "YOU MY BASKETBALL."
IT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE, MICHAEL.
>> AND LADIES, WORDS TO THE WISE, IF YOU ARE GOING TO
DRIBBLE YOUR HUSBAND, USE BOTH HANDS.
>> YES, ABSOLUTELY, OR DON'T DRIBBLE YOUR HUSBAND.
IT'S UP TO YOU. AND THIS NEXT POSITION IS NAMED
AFTER WHAT MY WIFE SAID WHILE WE WERE DOING IT --
>> "STOP WHINING, SANDWICH BOY!" >> SHE DID HER VOICE.
THAT'S WHAT SHE DOES IN THE BEDROOM.
SO THE MALE IS THE MEAT. AND THE #
MATTRESS AND THE BOX SPRING, OR IN OUR CASE A MATTRESS AND
WOODEN BED SLATS, ARE THE BREAD. >> IT SOUNDS LIKE SHELLY MADE UP
THE POSITIONS GREG. DID YOU COME UP WITH ANY
YOURSELF? >> YES, I DID.
>> YEAH, I CALL THIS ONE, "WHERE ARE YOU HIDING?
I'M NOT DONE." AGAIN, BASED ON WHAT MY WIFE
SAID DURING IT. >> I DID NOT SAY THAT.
>> I PROMISE YOU, YOU DID. YOU WERE IN YOUR ZONE.
>> WELL, THANK YOU GUYS FOR COMING.
ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO SHARE WITH OUR VIEWERS WHO MIGHT BE
INTERESTED IN TRYING OUT SOME OF THESE POSITIONS IN THE BEDROOM?
>> YES. BE CREATIVE, BE OPEN, AND
STRETCH. >> YEAH.
AND MAKE SURE YOUR INSURANCE PLAN COVERS SOMETHING CALLED
CONSENSUAL INTIMATE TRAUMA. >> THE DUNCANS, EVERYBODY.
>> FOR "WEEKEND UPDATE", I'M MICHAEL CHE.
>> I'M COLIN JOST. GOOD NIGHT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]