Hi, Marcia.
I had a little panic attack right before I came on.
What happened?
I thought, you know, I'm so boring.
I have these two children I'm madly in love with.
And I have a job.
And what am I going to talk about?
Well, the job and the two children.
OK, let's go.
Those are good enough subjects for me.
I think people are interested in what's going on on the show.
And also, I want to know about the babies.
You do?
How old are they?
Two and a half.
Wow.
Yeah.
When were you here last?
Weren't they just babies?
They were a year, a year and a half ago, I guess.
Yeah, it was right after Halloween.
They're in preschool now.
It's crazy.
And are they identical, or no?
No, they're paternal.
Paternal.
And how are they as far as being alike?
They're actually absolute opposites.
One is sort of brainy, and everything's linear.
And the other one is just--
Stupid?
[LAUGHTER]
Well, you said they're opposites, and one's brainy,
so which one's stupid?
What's her name?
[LAUGHTER]
Her name is Eden.
And actually, I've been telling her about you,
and how I was going to go-- she says,
tell me about work, mommy.
And I said, I'm going to go talk to this lady.
And her name-- she always says, what's her name?
She wants to know everybody's name.
And I said, Ellen.
And I said, she's very funny.
And she's going to tell a lot of jokes.
What jokes is she going to tell, mama?
Mm-hmm.
And so she's really actually quite bright,
but she's definitely--
Obviously.
If she's interested in me, she seems very intelligent.
I would question the other ones, who's not asking about me.
I know, and her name's Eden.
Starts with an E, maybe?
You have a lot in common, I don't know.
Well, maybe show her Finding Nemo
and say it's Dory I'm going to talk to.
That's really confusing when they're like,
you're talking to a fish?
Oh, my god, that would be really confusing, yeah.
No, it is.
When I meet kids, they really are like-- their parents
try to say, this is Dory.
And they're looking at a person.
And they're like, that's not Dory.
That's not a fish.
It's good they know the difference.
Yeah, I know.
It would be a little scary if they were right.
And they dress alike, or they don't--
are you wanting to dress them alike?
No, I was-- because I am a terrible dresser.
Everything you see is made up from somebody else.
And so I thought, well, maybe these girls
will have a little something going on.
And I was like, whatever you want to wear, all this stuff.
And I have one who will only wear navy blue from head
to toe.
I mean, not pink, not--
Is that Eden?
No, that's Savannah.
Oh, OK.
Who we call Savvy.
'Cause I like navy blue, so--
OK, well, maybe you'd like her, too.
Yeah.
You might like these girls.
Maybe I'll like both.
All right, so she only wears navy blue?
Yeah, socks, underwear, leggings, and a shirt,
and navy blue ties in her hair.
That's cute.
So it looks like I'm really a boring dresser.
And now, I dress my kids that way.
But truthfully, it was her choice.
Uh-huh.
But I think that's cute that she's all
monochromatic like that.
And then Eden, what is she dressing like?
Eden will only wear a green shirt and black pants.
Really?
Yeah.
Every day?
Yeah.
Maybe she'll be a park ranger.
[LAUGHTER]
She's my hippie, so maybe, yes, you know?
Be out in nature, and--
Yeah, I would like that.
And the other one is going to be a cop.
[LAUGHS] I do have a cop thing for Halloween,
and they've been wearing it.
You know what I do when they don't brush their teeth?
I tell them that the police are going to come.
Does anybody ever do this?
And I go, [MIMICS SIREN] Yeah, so they--
[LAUGHTER]
Somehow, they know I'm kidding because they
have a great sense of humor.
But I still have to do it.
You tell them if they don't brush their teeth,
a cop will come?
Yeah, I do.
And put them in jail, or what--
Basically, yeah, they're going to get--
That is a horrible thing to do to a child.
They're going to go to prison for not brushing their teeth?
Sometimes, it's an Irish cop, and sometimes, it's
an Italian cop.
I've got an Irish name, and I'm really terrible at accents,
so it morphs into an Italian.
But they don't know.
So they think it's fabulous.
Let me hear your Irish.
I'm really bad at accents as well.
(IRISH ACCENT) It's Mr. McGillicuddy.
He's going to throw you in the jail.
See, I went Italian already!
That was Italian.
[LAUGHTER]
(SCOTTISH ACCENT) That was definitely Italian.
That was not bad. (SCOTTISH ACCENT)
That was Scottish, though.
Oh, yeah, that was Scottish.
But they don't know, right?
So you just--
And what, are you going to dress them up and take them around
for Halloween?
Yeah, but they haven't made up their minds yet.
And will you dress up?
I will do anything they ask me to do.
Really?
Which shocked me, because I remember
saying to a girlfriend of mine, I'm
not dressing up for Halloween.
I dress up for my life.
I'm not into it.
She said, wait till your kids are born.
And I was like, no, not me.
I'm not going to be one of those--
anything they want.
Yeah.
That's the thing about babies.
Yeah, they do it to you.
They get you.
They got me.
Because they're cute.
Oh, they're smart, they're funny--
Oh, they're cute.