Now today I should have been more,
I guess, disciplined in studying my set,
or just go over some jokes or whatever.
But I didn't. I sat in my hotel room
and I watched reality shows, which I don't like,
but I watched them to make sure that I still don't like them.
And I got caught up watching Extreme Home Makeover.
Now I must say I love this show
and if you don't cry by the end of it,
you're not a human being.
Because these people get stuff, I be like, "Oh my God."
Well I get excited and then by the end I'm hating
because I'm like,
"How does this child have a tree house inside their house?
Like that don't even make sense," so.
But I'm watching Extreme Home Makeover.
And some of the cities I don't agree with, that they do.
Like they did Detroit one time and I was like,
"Come on, really? Detroit?" Like if I lived in Detroit
and they came to my house and they were like,
"Hey, we want to give you a new house."
I'd be like, "Look, can I speak to you all for a second?
Excuse me. My man, look, can you just move us?
I'm just saying if that's a option, please.
If you're not going to do the whole city, it's no point."
If you ever been to Detroit
you would understand why I made that joke.
Let me tell you how bad Detroit looks.
If I was running the country and we were under alien attack,
I would automatically say, "Let's dub Detroit Earth."
That way when aliens land here, they will go to
Detroit, and be like,
"Oh, they already took this place over.
Let's get out of here.
I'll leave them some money or something
because they're struggling."
Tried to find me some shoes for this joyous occasion.
Now, I'm on a budget
so that means I have to shop within my reasons.
And I go into a shoe store couple a days ago
to buy some sneakers and I go inside
and this kid is very aggressive,
he really wants to make this sale.
But he don't realize that I don't have the money
to help him reach the goals that he's trying to achieve.
And he comes up to me. He's like, "How can I help you?"
I said, "Look man, I think I want
those sneakers right there." And he criticized my choice.
He was like, "Why do you want those old ass sneakers?"
I was like, "Because those old ass sneakers are in my budget.
Now go get those shoes."
And he went to go get the shoes. He brought him back out to me
and he says, "Would you like to try them on?"
I'm like, "Look man, I'm 30 something years old
if I don't know what size shoe I wear now,
I shouldn't be shopping for shoes.
What are you going to do?
Put the shoe on my foot and tap the tip of my toe?"
I'm like, "Yeah man.
You still got some growing room in there.
I can see how that's going to work out for you."
But I'm like, "Just bag the shoes up, let's go."
And that should have been end of the transaction
but he kept going on and he says to me,
"Can I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure, what's going on?"
He said, "What do you clean your shoes with?"
I was like, "Nothing. That's why I'm in here buying new shoes."
He said, "Well can I interest you in this cleaning solution?"
I said, "No, I'm already not interested in it.
I'm not going to use it."
He was like, "No, it just take two seconds."
I said, "No, I don't have two seconds."
"It take one second." "Fine, you got a second."
He goes, he get this cleaning solution from the back.
He comes out, he takes a bucket,
he pours this cleaning solution and some water,
and he asked me for my shoe. And I gave him my shoe
and he cleaned the shoe like his life depended on it
and he handed me the shoe back and he was like,
"What do you think?" I was like, "You know what?
That's not bad at all. Do the other one."
And he cleaned the other shoes like his life depended on it
and he handed me the shoe back and I was like,
"You know what man,
I don't think I'm about those shoes now."
He was like, "Why not?"
I said, "Because those shoes look like these.
There's no need to waste money. Thank you for your time."
And I tried to walk out of the store and he yelled out,
"Well, aren't you at least going to buy the cleaning solution?"
I was like, "No, I'll just wait until they get dirty again.
I'll come back in here on your day off.
Because ... "