I live around a lot of white people.
I won't say I live in a
white neighborhood...
'Cause that'll, you know...
that'll sound like I gave up, you know.
(audience laughs)
'Cause I'm gonna turn it, you understand?
Like, I'm gonna spin it, you know, reverse-gentrify it.
But right now...
it's just me and them, you know.
So I'm outnumbered.
So I study white people.
You know.
I watch them, 'cause they're watching me,
you know what I mean? So we...
(laughs) ...we back and forth at each other.
What I've noticed about white people, though, is...
white people have taken over the pit bull.
Like, that's your dog, y'all got that.
White people damn near think
pit bulls are adorable now.
Which weirds me out,
because... I grew up in the '80s and the '90s...
and that, first of all,
that was like a, a minority pet;
that was blacks and Latinos exclusively.
You remember that?
That was the animal equivalent of a thug.
You didn't even look a pit bull in the eye when you seen it.
You was, "Oh, oh, shit.
"Let me know when he gone.
"Let me know. Is it sa... is it safe?
Can I, can I look? All right, bet."
Like, back in the day, the presentation was different.
You know? Like, the dude that had a pit bull,
he probably was a drug dealer.
He might've just got out of jail.
He definitely had a wife-beater on.
You know, had some muscles. He had the-the pit bull,
like, on a thick metal chain
with a leather strap and he would wrap it around
his hand a couple times so he could hold it sturdy.
Like he taking the dog to court.
Like, you got to hold it.
That'll... You know what I mean?
Nowadays,
on my block, my neighborhood,
you got 95-pound white women in yoga pants
being dragged by pit bulls
on extender leashes.
If you know anything about an extender leash,
you know an extender leash
will let a dog run top speed,
unrestrained,
for about half a block.
You know? So, if you do what I do,
you know, you tell jokes, you get home late.
This one night, I'm getting home.
It was about at least 1:00 in the morning.
I'm a little tipsy, you know?
I'm tired.
I got some emo Drake music in my headphones.
And I'm walking and I get to the corner and I say,
"Oh, shit! That's a pit bull!"
I jump, and in one leap,
I'm on top of a Corolla.
I'm-I'm breathing hard as shit.
I can hear my heart beating in my ear.
I'm sweating like this.
And then, a couple seconds later, there's a white woman
with some flip-flops on
upset at me because I'm afraid.
She looked at me and she was like,
"What's the problem? Why are you so scared?
What, what are you afraid of?"
I said, "Baby, that's a, that's a pit bull.
"I thought it was loose. That-That's an attack animal.
What are you talking about?"
She said, "No.
"That's not an attack animal.
That's a rescue."
Say what?
See, you know that. That's that semantics.
I got caught with the spin.
I'm like, "A rescue, what the...?"
You know.
A rescue? I thought it sound heroic.
I thought, okay, maybe the dog was in a burning building...
you kicked the door open,
you grabbed the dog, you put it under your shoulder,
you shimmied down a fire escape.
Maybe the dog was in a shootout,
and the dog only had a switchblade.
You come through with the semi, shoot up the block.
Open up the passenger seat, the dog jumps in,
y'all drive off to freedom, you know.
Some heroic shit, a war story.
I go and do a Google search.
I come to find out a rescue animal,
all that is
is a dog that's in a shelter,
and it's got 24
to 48 hours to be adopted
or they euthanize it.
They put it to sleep.
I said, "Wait a minute.
"That's not a rescue.
"That's a clearance sale.
That-that..."
You got that dog for the low.
That, you know.
That's a Black Friday pit bull.
This is...
If this dog bite me and you pay me,
you still in the black. You didn't save...
You saved a couple dollars.