Hey, graduating class of 2020.
You've heard from a lot of world-class speakers today,
but get ready to hear from us.
We know times are hard now
but you persevering and continuing to fight,
well, that's pretty sexy and... [laughing]
we know sexy.
No, Keith, no.
No, Keith, no!
Keith, no.
Yes, we are going to try on some very sexy costumes
from all the future careers you might have.
And, because obviously we can't be together,
we'll be filming all of these on green screen
and putting us together as if we actually are together.
Because that's what life is now.
I'm an app developer.
Hey, I'm a floppy disk.
But that's the only thing floppy about me.
I'll be the CSS to your HTML.
Don't look at my softwares.
We might get our wires crossed, but... I won't tell.
I swing both ways.
Mac and PC.
You're gonna have to show your grandma how to turn me on.
I'm a doctor.
And I'm a nurse.
Open your mouth and say, "Ah."
There are 206 bones in your body,
but I only care about one.
Oh, I think your heart just skipped a beat,
which is actually an indicator of a heart murmur.
Very serious.
I'm a solar energy technician.
And I'm the sun.
Work with me and you get a juicy tax credit.
The sun is millions of years old
and getting hotter with age.
They say I got BSE.
Big solar energy.
[chuckling]
Yeah, you can have all of my rays.
Shine on me, sun daddy.
Rain down on me with your golden rays.
My rays will electrify you, baby.
I'm the energy of the future.
Like the future we're gonna have together.
You think the sun is hot?
Well, it's not as hot as the moon.
You waiting for BTS, huh?
It's probably confusing to a lot of you.
I'm Jim, the HR manager here.
And I'm Asian Jim. I am the office manager.
We can't tell you not to date your coworkers
but we frown upon it.
Okay, did everyone get the Zoom call?
Barbara, did you get the link?
You're not in trouble.
You can't get in trouble. You're an adult.
There's no such thing.
It's very simple. You pick a career
that's recession proof, like beet farming.
Barbara, you're muted. Unmute your Zoom.
But what you did was wrong,
and I'm going to punish you, but you're not in trouble.
That's what she said.
Somebody go help Barbara.
I'll do it. One second.
That's what she's said.
Yeah, there's just really no way to make HR sexy.
I mean, it's pretty contrary to the role of HR.
Hey, 'sup? We're teachers.
Teacher? I barely know her.
Listen up, you little... [bleeping]
This is how pop culture likes to represent teachers.
Please see me after class.
Ooh, you can fill in all my Scantron bubbles.
Bryan, you're here. You're always here.
Today we're talking about chemistry.
Who thinks they have some with me?
No one pees until I'm finished.
[chuckling]
I'm an astronaut.
Oh, hi.
I didn't see you there. I'm an alien.
Ooh, Houston, we don't have a problem.
Yeah, I'm a bit of a pickup artist.
Sort of fly around, suck people up out of their beds.
Nobody believes them.
Ooh, you NASA-ty.
Who's her?
Yeah, my cousin got punched by Will Smith.
Me and my wife really aren't connecting anymore, you know?
She's like, "Oh, I need space,"
and I'm like, "We're in space."
My asteroids are below the belt.
Lunar? I barely know her.
[chuckling]
And the final sexy job in your future could be...
a YouTuber.
But we think you could probably do better.
You worked really hard for this moment. Congrats.
Don't forget to savor it.
We believe in you. We know you can do it.
Persevere. We can get through this together.
Keep trying, and whatever you do...
stay sexy.