I want to help you
to improve your communication
in a relationship.
So, let's get to it, 7 keys.
So, key number one,
listen to understand
not to give a rebuttal.
One of the biggest problems
when people try to talk to each other
is that the person listening
is simply waiting for their chance
to counter your argument.
Is waiting for their chance to hit you back
is waiting for their chance to defend themselves
or dismiss what you're saying
and that is not going to produce
healthy communication.
When someone is speaking,
the goal should be
to try to understand them.
And if you do not understand
you don't go to attacking them
you don't go to dismissing them.
You go to asking for more clarity,
you go to asking more questions
to try to dig deeper
so that you can have a clearer understanding
of how they're feeling
and what they are trying to communicate.
So, when you are active
in trying to
understand and decipher what they're expressing,
then you can now continue that conversation
in a way that brings resolution, all right.
There will always be time for
a counter argument if it needs to be made,
but that cannot be your focus,
that cannot be how you're going into that conversation.
So, listen to understand
not to give a rebuttal.
The second key to improving communication in a relationship,
you can disagree but do not dismiss.
So, one of the things I've seen with a lot of couples
or even it can be family members,
friends, whatever,
is that the minute you hear something that you don't like
or the minute that person hears
something that they don't like
they go to dismissing that individual.
Now, understand that
no one likes to be dismissed.
No one likes to have their feelings
and, and, and, and uhh,
what they're trying to say in that moment
to simply be dismissed and thrown to the side, all right.
That feels very disrespectful.
And when someone feels disrespected,
they're going to get defensive
they're going to attack.
Now, they're going into battle mode with you
rather than now trying to hear you out,
but that's because the stage was set
through the dismissing
of how they felt and what they were saying.
So, again,
you may not agree with everything
the individual is saying to you
but you don't have to dismiss it.
You can say to someone
okay, I understand that, that's how you feel
and that's how you saw things,
but the way that I saw it was
so on and so forth.
So, you are acknowledging their perception,
you're acknowledging that, that's how they feel
while still giving your side of things.
This at least shows
you're not dismissing them, all right.
But again, as I said in number one
even when you disagree
try to keep an open mind
that allows you to
gain a better understanding
of why they feel that way.
When you do
and when someone feels like
you're at least making an effort to get them,
that's going to open up the lines of communication
and allow things to be...
Create a better more positive environment
and it also allows them
to stay in line as far as
listening and trying to understand you as well.
We've got to give
what we want to receive back, all right.
So, do not dismiss
but you are allowed to disagree.
And always disagree respectfully
and always try to acknowledge their feelings.
Acknowledging does not mean
agreeing with it,
acknowledging does not mean
that you're saying they're right.
Acknowledging simply says,
okay, I get that's how you feel,
I get that's what you're saying,
I hear you,
but now let me present what I'm seeing
or how I'm understanding things, all right.
And that will lead to a better conversation.
Number three key
to improving communication in your relationship
is to be open and honest.
all it takes is one lie
to ruin a relationship.
All it takes is
a lack of transparency
to create confusion and chaos
in any relationship.
You want to try to be
as open and honest as possible.
And here's the thing,
nobody is a great liar
to where people don't start to pick up
on the BS, all right.
They don't start to pick up on the fact that
you're holding something back
typically people do start to sense
something's missing here.
And that makes them question you more,
that creates anxiety,
that creates insecurity,
that creates a toxic environment in the relationship.
So, if you want to have a healthier conversation,
a healthier relationship,
improve your relationship,
then you have to be willing to be
honest and transparent.
And yes,
sometimes that honesty
may hurt their feelings,
but here's a thing that I've learned,
even in hurting their feelings
it's much better
for them to have to deal with
the hurt of the truth
than to dwell in the
anger of the lie, all right.
Because when it comes to lying to them
now you create other problems later
but in being honest with them
even though it hurt them
they know they can always come to you
for an honest opinion
or honest perspective
or be you being real with them
about what's going on with you.
That creates a lot more peace
in the relationship.
They're going to have to get through that hurt, all right.
But again, the chance for you
to have a healthy relationship
going forward is much higher
because you kept it real.
So, don't be afraid
and again, there's always a way
to deliver the honesty
that helps soften the blow.
But you much better
or it's much better for you
to be honest and transparent
than is for you to hold back,
be vague, or to flat out lie.
That just creates problems in any situation
and any relationship.
Number four key
that will improve your communication skills
and communication in a relationship
is don't make the conversation all about you.
Listen, if you want people
to be engaged
to listen,
to really try to understand you,
then you have to include them in the relationship.
It can't just be all about you
venting and getting things off your chest
just giving your perspective.
Now, don't get me wrong
there's going to be times where we need to vent, all right.
But think about it like this,
when you've have people vent to you
and all they're doing is just running their mouth
and going on and on and on.
It's very possible
that at some point you tune out,
you check out
because they're not engaging you
in the relationship.
They're not also
considering how you feel.
If it's a conversation about
maybe what they want to see
improve in the relationship
or a problem they had with you previously.
But when someone takes the moment
to bring you in
by whether it's asking your opinion
or asking okay, well, how do you feel about things
or let me hear your side,
your perception of things.
That is enough
to now reel you in
and keep you engaged.
So, it's very important
that you make the conversation
not just about you, all right.
And when you do that
especially in a romantic relationship,
you're going to see better conversation.
So, one other quick example I want to give.
If you say, we need to have a talk
and then you have a talk about things you don't like
that they're doing in the relationship.
Which listen, you should express yourself
and I would never want you to be afraid
about letting it be known how you feel
but what you should add
or what would be effective for you to add is
after you've expressed to them
what you don't like
saying hey, is there anything
you don't like that I'm doing?
Is there any concerns
you want to express to me
that I'm going to be open to hearing you out
the same way I want you
to be open to hearing me out.
When you do that
and you show it's not all about you, you, you, you.
You will now have someone
who's not only willing to listen
and even be more expressive,
but someone who's going to be more mindful
of making the adjustments you mentioned, all right.
And correcting the behavior
because they see that you're truly about
improving the relationship
and not simply about getting
what you feel is important to you
and dismissing how they may feel
about the situation of the relationship.
So, don't make it all about you.
Number five is
be willing to compromise.
There's nothing worse
than feeling like you have to talk to someone
who's so hard-headed,
so stubborn,
and only wants things their way.
Plain and simple
it will cause you to shut down
or not even want to speak to that individual.
Or again,
you may be physically present,
but mentally and emotionally you will check out
because it's going to always be about them
and only doing what they want you to do.
So, if you know
that it has that kind of effect on you,
then you have to be mindful that
it will have that kind of effect on them
if you're the culprit.
And so, you've got to show a willingness
to compromise, all right,
a willingness to try to find a middle ground.
Now granted, some things aren't,
there's no compromise for it
and that's understandable,
but wherever there can be a compromise
that can create harmony
then be willing to do that.
Be willing to be flexible in that way,
show that you're willing to find
something that works for the both of you
rather than just something that works for only you.
When you do that
again, you are going to now
open up the lines of communication,
you're going to engage that person more,
and you're going to find more positive results
after your conversations with that individual.
The number six key
to improving communication in relationship,
pay attention to both their words
and their body.
So, what we're talking about here
is of course body language, all right.
And the reality is that
we don't only express ourselves verbally, all right.
Our mannerisms, our body language
can give off messages very clearly.
Sometimes, even better than our words are giving
depending on how expressive that person is.
And so, you want to not just be actively listening,
but you want to be aware
of their energy, their spirit so to speak.
Their mannerism their body language
because that's going to help you
see deeper
into what they're expressing to you at that moment.
Now, again, if you're dealing with someone
who is very clear
and knows how to fully express themselves,
then you may have some leeway in this department.
But it's always going to be to your benefit
especially in a romantic relationship
to get in tune with your partner
in a way that reads their body language
very effectively, all right.
Because a lot of times...
And for example, you may have a guy
and he's with his girl
and he can see something is wrong
and he'll say well, baby what's wrong with you?
And she says nothing,
but her body language is showing you
something is wrong.
Now, that doesn't mean
force her
to get you, to tell you what's wrong
she may not be ready to talk about it.
So, in that moment you can say to her
because you now picked up on the body language
that tells you something is wrong.
You can say you know what,
it does seem like something's wrong,
but I understand if you don't want to talk about it right now.
When you're ready let me know,
I'm here for you.
So, one, you're acknowledging what you're seeing.
You're letting her know you're there.
Now, she may insist nothing is wrong.
But you at least put it out
that if there's any time
that comes that she is now ready
or willing to talk about it, if that happens to be the case,
you're there.
But not, not just that,
it also allows you
to now be mindful of
what you pour into her going forward.
And again, this can go both ways.
What I'm saying is, if you feel like
her body language is telling you
she's upset
or she's uncomfortable
and her words are telling you
no, it's nothing I'm okay.
Even if she's not going to talk about it
and she's going to dismiss it.
If you can tell something's wrong,
then don't go acting a fool
and pouring negativity into the situation.
Like you know now maybe the best thing to do now
is to create a more happy environment,
maybe the best thing to do now
is just to show her love
and to counteract
that negativity that you see
she's holding on to, all right.
And that is where you're going to win
because you are in tune
with her body,
her body language, and again,
this goes both ways.
So, don't just look for the words,
pay attention to your partner.
And again, this works in any relationship
kids, friends, whatever,
but I have to say this is extremely important
in a romantic relationship, in a marriage.
You want to get in tune with your partner
and pay attention to their words and their body.
And then last on this list
of improving communication in a relationship
the seventh key is
take a loving
and positive approach when expressing yourself, all right.
So, there's a couple angles to cover here.
One,
it's not what you say it's how you say it.
Many times conversations go left
because we have no filter
or we're not being mindful
of the delivery of our message, all right.
And we have to understand that
it wasn't what you said that caused the problem,
it was how you said it.
It was your attitude,
it was that negative energy
flowing out of your spirit
attacking them and slapping them in the face.
Even though you may have been speaking calmly,
even though you may have been talking
properly so to speak,
but your energy, your spirit
was in a negative place
and people can feel that.
So, you want to try to come in,
into that conversation calm
with a more loving approach, all right.
And being mindful of how you speak to that person.
Do not attack them with your words.
Do not attack them with your spirit.
You have to speak to them in a way
that allows them to be receptive
to what you have to say.
But what also contributes to that
is going into that conversation
with a negative or toxic mindset
and what I mean by that is
sometimes, you come off the wrong way
because you went into that conversation saying,
they're not going to listen,
saying to yourself, this is pointless.
Saying to yourself,
well, you're still holding on
to what they did to you previously.
So, you're carrying
or projecting this negative outcome
And so naturally,
you're going to come off negative
and now the conversation goes left immediately.
You got to go into it
believing you can have a positive conversation
believing they're going to be willing to listen.
Even if it turns out that, they don't, all right.
You got to at least come into it
with the right mindset.
Now, if you're going to say to me,
well, the reason why I think that
is because every time I try to talk to them
it's something negative
or they never listen,
then I have two things to ask you.
One, why the hell are you with them?
Number two,
have you been coming with a loving
and positive approach previously?
Because if every other time
they would come, they were
not receptive to you
it's because you came with a bad attitude.
Well, then guess what, you need to try
the positive attitude first
before you write them off,
but secondly,
if you know
you've been putting your best foot forward
and you have been expressing
yourself effectively,
but they're just a person who's not willing to listen
then again, why are you with them?
If you cannot talk to your partner,
how are you going to have a successful relationship?
So, you got to evaluate those things,
but regardless
don't make excuses
for coming into the conversation
with a negative mindset
or again,
attacking them
with the way that you speak to them.
You got to speak in a very loving and calm manner
and when you do,
you're going to see better
and more positive results.
So, those are seven keys.
Again, I want you in the comment section
to list anything that you feel maybe was missing
from this list, all right
and give your opinion on this content.
But again, always be sure
to work on your communication skills.
It's important that you
cultivate an environment in your relationship
where you guys can have healthy discussion,
healthy disagreement, all right.
And find ways to get on the same page
and work together.
When we learn how to effectively communicate,
we will see healthier
and more successful relationships.
So, do not overlook this,
do not dismiss this.
You need to work on it
and work on it together.
Hey, thank you for watching this video
be sure to check this one out right here
and I will see you there.
A lot of women have experience with good men
I repeat a lot of women
have experience with good men.
Now, don't go shaking your head,
don't go throwing your hands in the air,
don't switch to other videos.