[cheers and applause] Some--some of y'all are happy...
I found the pulse of this crowd, all right, that's cool.
I went to my homeboy's intervention, right?
And, uh...
[laughter]
Here's the weird thing about a intervention.
It's like, uh, the weird thing about a intervention
is, like, it's a un-fun event, right?
You know, which means everybody who shows up
to your intervention really loves you, yeah?
Like, you never hear about
anybody crashing an intervention, right?
Like, the only reason to crash a intervention
is when it's your turn to talk, you know?
You're like, hey, Tommy, uh,
since you gonna be off those drugs, player, uh,
can I get the rest of those drugs?
I mean, why flush 'em down the toilet
when you can flush 'em down my throat?
I'm right here, baby. You know?
[cheers and applause]
Another weird thing about interventions is that
people are saying stuff about you
that they would normally say at your funeral
while you're alive, you know what I'm saying?
Like, people are burning good eulogy material,
like, right in your face, you know?
Hey, hey, Tommy, what happened to you?
What happened to the guy,
you know, he used to come by the house,
and helped us clean out the garage that one time,
and rearranged the whole place?
What happened to that guy?
Nigga, I was high then.
[laughter and applause]
You caught me stealing,
and I had to play it off and start cleaning shit.
Next thing I know,
we were rearranging your whole goddamn house.
I never stole from you assholes again.
But let's be honest.
Drugs are good, right?
- Yeah! - All right.
Yeah, that's what I'm-- that's what I'm talking about.
Like, drugs are good, like,
there's so much negative publicity about drugs
and people still buy 'em.
That's how good drugs are, you know what I'm saying?
Like, if Ford had a Mustang
and in the commercial they told you it might flip over
once you drive it past 40 miles an hour,
you'd be like, get the heck out my face, Ford.
I'm not buying that.
But not drugs.
Uh, not drugs, right?
Hey, man, this shit could kill you.
Give me three.
Hey, man, last time you took a hit of this,
you lost your job.
Give me five.
Fuck that job.
I ain't like being a cop anyway.
[laughter and applause]
Only good thing about it was the drugs,
you know what I'm saying?
Drugs are good, but they can kill you,
you know what I'm saying?
You gotta drink your water,
exercise, work out,
be a responsible drug addict. [chuckles]
Like, there's other good things that won't kill you.
You know, like sleep, right?
Like, sleep is amazing, but you never heard of
anybody dying of sleep.
Hey, man, you heard about what happened to Johnny?
That nigga overslept.
I would say rest in peace, but, uh...
He's already doing that, you know what I'm saying?
Apparently he couldn't handle the high-thread sheet count, uh.
That's why you gotta know your sleep number.
You just can't just be
jumping in strangers' beds like that, you know?
So do me a solid, and be a responsible drug addict.
That's all-- that's all I'm saying.
[cheers and applause]