It was weird going from college back to New Jersey, because I went from living with my
friends and doing fun shit every single day, to sitting in my basement alone writing music.
The inspiration for the song was staying at home this past summer by myself, living and
making music out of my parents' basement.
I felt like I needed someone to be around me to lift my spirits and live life differently,
I guess.
Whether it was a friend or a girl, or just to do something to shake my day up.
I just needed someone to come through.
When I was writing the song, my sleep schedule was totally backwards.
And not because I was going out at night and partying, and coming back late.
It was more, I was just waking up later and later in the day.
As the Summer months turn to Fall, the days were getting shorter, so I'd literally wake
up and have two hours of sunlight.
I was balancing things so drastically, I'd be grinding, grinding, grinding, and then
go out and drink and party, and be like, "Okay, I got my social life in this week."
Then I'll go back to working hard.
But it was taking a toll on my body, and so I felt like I was just riding the high of
the night, and pushing all my problems back until Sunday morning, when I'd be hungover
on the couch.
I don't hate my hometown, obviously.
I have, some of my best friends are from my hometown.
It's just weird, it's not like I love being home, it's not I hate being home.
I don't know what to feel about it, it's just strange.
I think that's why I wrote the song.
It's a really confusing complex emotion, to be like, "I feel weird here and I don't know
why."
I think there's a lot to be said about acknowledging that you need a support system, you need a
friend, you need a peer to talk to or just live life with.
And you can't be doing everything on your own all the time.
I was in biochemistry, and waking up every morning and chugging two cups of McDonald's
coffee.
I was doing great for the first four days, acing all my exams and studying so much.
On the fourth or fifth day of class, I'm just sitting there listening to the lecture, and
all of a sudden my heart starts to race and I'm straight-up having a panic attack in the
middle of class.
It was hard for me to contextualize it, because I didn't feel stressed or overwhelmed from
the class, I was just so amped up from all this caffeine in my body.
I had to go outside and just take a breath.
I haven't drunk coffee since then.
It's not so much being lost in my imagination, because I think that sounds like a really
awesome thing.
I'm just lost in my thoughts, just overthinking.
I would wake up and scroll through my phone for 30 minutes before I even started my day,
and I still do it, and it's my number one habit that I have to get rid of.
It's just so unhealthy to wake up, and the first thing you see is a virtual representation
of people that you haven't even met.