- I'm pretty excited about today's complete drivel episode
because not only have I turned all my penis light on,
I've hung up a new little decoration in the podcast booth
and it's Trish and she's making us all wet
with excitement, oh I'm dripping from the brow of.
Okay, well that started off great.
Let's really set the mood for today.
Dolly Doctor, if you're not familiar with Dolly Doctor,
Dolly Magazine, which I think recently shut down.
In 2016 it ceased to exist.
Dolly Magazine is, and Dolly Doctor was a doctor
who answered your sex questions
and Dolly Magazine was aimed at I think like teenage girls.
And the questions were amazing
and they were like let's I,
let's just start reading them.
I googled and found an article
that was nine of the best Dolly Doctor questions.
So it was a sealed section in the magazine
so you know it was sordid.
Like this was before the internet existed.
This is where you found out your sexual information.
You couldn't just google these things.
Question one, I'm 10 years old
and my mum thinks I'm too young to have a boyfriend.
She won't let me see my boyfriend,
who is the same age as me,
and I don't want to lose him or hurt my mum's feelings.
What should I tell him?
That's one of the best questions.
What was the answer?
How about compromising?
Ask your mum if your boyfriend can visit you at home,
where your mum can keep an eye on you both.
That way at least you'll see him,
and your mum might even get to like him.
You can prove to your mum that you and your boyfriend
are not only trustworthy, but also mature enough
to accept the limitations of your age.
Talk to your boyfriend about this idea.
If he's an okay guy, he'll understand your position
and agree to compromise too.
That's a snooze question.
Oh, that's so disappointing.
I promise you, hands down, they'll get better.
Like a lot of them are like,
I have thrush growing out of my vagina
and you're like, oh my god.
They just get stranger.
Let's try question two.
I have an irritating itch in my throat
after giving my good friend's boyfriend
a blow job in the movies.
Okay, and we're back on track.
I am scared to tell my mother
as she is friends with my boyfriend's mother
and I am sure he will find out about what I've done.
Is there such a thing as throat thrush?
Oh my god, see I told you, straight to thrush.
It's always all about thrush.
It flared up about two weeks ago and has since returned.
I am 15, 15!
I have an irritating itch in my throat
after giving my good friend's boyfriend
a blow joy in the movies.
Like, this is what I mean, it's like scandal.
And then you get like a professional adult
who answers them, like this is a juicy question.
What has Dolly Doctor said?
A, oral sex means stimulating each other's genitals
with your mouth or tongue.
It's just so extreme.
Such as giving a blow job.
Although oral sex is normally sexual activity
practiced by many people, there is a risk
of spreading some sexually transmitted diseases
such as gonorrhea, hepatitis B,
and possibly the AIDS virus.
Often there is no symptoms of such infections,
but a sore throat may occur.
Also, stress through feeling guilty
or worrying about the possibility of an infection
can result in an irritating feeling in your throat.
If the problem persists you should go and see your doctor
or go to an STD clinic
where the advice you will receive is free and confidential.
See, it gives, like the advice is legit.
Like they're not messing around.
They're not trying to make comedy here.
It's like I have a question.
I have mouth thrush because I am a sexually
promiscuous teen, I was gonna say another word
but I'm not gonna shame anyone.
Hey, I'm a sexually promiscuous person.
There's no shame in it.
But it's like, hi, I'm 15 and I've sucked on all the boys.
Ha, this is why I love it.
Oh that first question was so boring.
Okay, question number three.
Oh, (laughing) oh my God, I'm living.
About a year ago I had pubic lice.
Oh my god.
I can't wait to find out how old this teen is.
A teen, ah.
I was too scared to tell anyone
so I poured a lice control dog wash over the area.
Just recently it has come back.
I would like to know if the wash harmed me
and if I can buy a proper wash or cream
from a chemist without a prescription.
Wow, ah, okay.
If the wash you did, hold on.
If the wash you used did not burn,
and you obviously didn't absorb enough to make you ill,
I think you can stop worrying about it.
You can buy lice treatments over the counter
from your chemist, without a prescription.
For pubic lice, a shampoo
such as a Lyban foam will be useful.
Your chemist can show you what's in stock
and will explain how to use it.
Ah, can you imagine going up to a chemist.
Um, my sister has
vaginal lice.
Please provide me with something for my sister.
Public lice, no age was given for that person.
Oh here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go.
Is it wrong to be in love with your first cousin?
Oh my god, can you see why Dolly Doctor
was one of Australia's most amazing treats.
Oh, because it made your like sexual promiscuity
seem nothing in comparison to these people.
Is it wrong to be in love with your first cousin?
I'm 18 and I'm attracted to my cousin,
who is six years older than me,
and I don't know what to do about it.
Would it be considered incest
if I married him and had his children?
Could you tell me if people ever marry their cousins?
I cannot wait to read this answer.
Yes, marriage between cousins does happen
and it's quite legal.
Ah, didn't know that.
Look out Christians 'cause, no, that's fine, never mind.
That was a poorly timed joke.
The other good news is that
you wouldn't be committing incest
if you married your cousin.
Oh, okay, please go on.
Incest is generally defined as sex
occurring between an adult member
and an under-age member of the family,
where the adult is taking advantage of the child.
Is it, I didn't know that.
So what's it called when you have,
like what if you, brother and sister?
What's that called?
Just having some fun.
You and your cousin certainly don't fit into that category.
If you have any legal questions that can be answered
by the chamber magistrate at your local.
Oh my god, go to your chamber magistrate.
Hi, I'm desperately in love with my brother.
Can I marry him and have his children?
(whistling) Oh, it's, okay, next question.
(laughing) Oh, the naivete.
Is it possible to catch AIDS from a swimming pool?
Ah, oh sorry.
I read the question wrong.
Is it possible to catch AIDS from a public swimming pool?
My mum won't let me go to the local pool
because she says it is certain I will catch AIDS
but I don't think she is right, is she?
Oh my god.
Is this written in like, this was written in the 1940s.
Oh, that was before, no anyway.
It is impossible to catch AIDS
from normal use of a public swimming pool.
It is now quite well established how AIDS is transmitted,
and swimming pools and normal social living
are not amongst the methods.
Very close personal contact
and infection via contaminated blood,
such as from using another person's needles
which have been unsterilized, are amongst the known methods.
Really, the experts now say
that apart from the known methods,
the germ is not highly infectious,
much less so than the virus causing the common old cold.
You can swim in peace, and have no fears.
(gasps) I think that mother was just like at her wit's end.
Like she really doesn't her daughter to go swimming
because she's terrified that she might drown, maybe,
and she's like nope, if you go into the pool
you'll get AIDS. (laughing)
It's not funny but it's kind of like,
the daughter's like, oh no, will I?
I'm gonna write to Dolly Doctor, she'll tell me.
Dear Dolly, will I get AIDS from swimming in a public pool?
Signed yours sincerely, Cecelia, aged 95.
Question, oh, I really like chunky black shoes,
striped socks up to your knees, and big shorts,
but when I wear them to school,
people laugh and start teasing me.
I really hate this, so I usually end up
wearing ordinary clothes that I don't very much like.
How can I stop them teasing me?
Ah, kick them in the face.
That's not the official response.
This is the official response.
Can you help it if you're a?
Oh my god, I thought, oh my god.
I read that so differently.
It says, can you help,
can you help it if you're a trendsetter?
And I really thought that said,
can you help it if you're transgender
and I was about to be like, Dolly Doctor
is really not great in this instance.
Oh my gods, Jesus.
Trends, who says trendsetter?
Clearly this doctor's 46 million years old.
Good save, 46 is, 46 is old but you know
we'll just pretend it's not.
You can't stop people being narrow-minded and petty,
great advice, so if they are,
so if they really are getting too much for you,
consider these options.
Assert yourself.
Let them know you're an individual, not a sheep.
Or simply admit it's too much to cope with at school
on top of your studies and just dress like a sheep.
Oh, I see.
Maybe it's best to strike a balance
between what you love wearing and normal clothes.
For example, wear your shoes and socks
with a skirt, instead of your shorts.
Meanwhile, try hanging around with people at school
who aren't afraid to be themselves.
Yeah, get better friends
and tell the people that are picking on you
to fuck right off.
Get fucked you pieces of shit.
Sorry, that got really aggressive really fast.
Okay, here's another question.
I have a really, oh.
I have a really embarrassing problem, I have crabs.
(laughing) End of question, no.
When I am in the company of my girl, oh, it's a boy.
When I am in the company of my girlfriend,
don't assume, could be a lesbian,
and I start to scratch, it gets embarrassing.
But I can't help it as I get very itchy.
How do I get rid of the crabs?
This is another pubic lice question.
Crabs, also known as pubic lice,
are the size of a pin-head and cling to pubic hair
and sometimes chest and underarm hair.
These gray lice can be passed from one person to another
through close physical contact such as sex
or by sharing bed linen or clothing.
Although they aren't dangerous,
they can cause itching, which might result in a red rash.
Treatment is simple, lotions can be bought
from your local chemist.
The bottle will contain instructions on use.
It's so handy, this doctor.
Your partner and other people in the house
should also be treated.
Clothing and bed linen should be washed in hot water
at the time of treatment and once again a week later.
If the itching persists after the treatment
there may be another problem, so you should see a doctor.
If the crabs were caught sexually
you should be checked for other possibly trans,
what, oh, you should be checked
for other possible sexually transmitted diseases,
especially if a condom was not used.
Yours sincerely, Dolly the doctor, ah-ha-ha-ha.
It's all right, I feel like
I need to put on a posh voice for the doctor.
Um, okay, oo, next question.
I am a 14-year-old model, oh.
What a wank.
And I have been offered a pornographic job
with a well-known magazine, 14.
The money is extremely good
and I think it would be good experience for me,
but my agent doesn't want me to do it.
Ah, yeah.
Should I do the job and forget about my agent
or simply take my agent's advice?
Um, this has to be a staged question.
Ah, although Dolly Doctor was
like literally the only thing
young teens could ask for advice
'cause it was all anonymous.
Fortunately, your agent is sensible.
While there will always be girls
who are willing to do this kind of work,
you should realize that what is acceptable to you today
can harm your career tomorrow.
In other words, if you are serious about a modeling career,
doing pornographic work, for any magazine,
can have a nasty rebound effect on your long,
on you long after the money has gone.
A typical example of this
is the recent nude photos of Madonna.
While they weren't strictly pornographic or offensive,
they weren't exactly the image
the star wanted to project years later.
So no matter how attractive the money might seem now,
think you're fortunate.
Ah, she's 14, that's child porn.
Why is that not written there?
Well, judging by this question,
this is what my Dr. Hull's response would be.
Thanks Daisy for writing in.
I would say this person, most probably a gentleman,
is having you on and doesn't work for said magazine
and just wants to take some nudes to sell online.
Oh, this was before the internet.
To sell in the street.
I don't know where did, why did, have, where would you,
anyway, so please avoid this completely.
Love, Dr. Hull.
Okay, next question.
I am 16 and go out a lot at night.
As a result I don't get much sleep,
so have started to take No Doze
to help me stay awake during the day.
Are these tablets dangerous, and is it possible
to still drink alcohol whilst taking them?
You're 16, anyways.
See, you, they'll just ask, they're blatantly honest
and that's why I love these questions.
Anybody taking nerve stimulating pills
to keep awake during the day due to, ah,
during the day due to stupidity, oh,
in having successive late nights
need their brain to be examined.
Oh my god she's brutal.
Be sensible, wake up to yourself.
Growing teenagers need eight hours sleep every night
to assure continued good health and normal development.
Oh, is that it?
That's all of the Dolly's.
Ah, I mean, I just liked how I was like,
oh they're usually about thrush.
Question two, about thrush.
Two pubic lices, a thrush, and will I get AIDS
if I go in the swimming pool.
I don't know why, is Dolly Doctor still,
is Dolly Doctor like an online thing?
Can you do it now?
Let me just check.
Dolly Doctor.
Um, oo, I think so.
Dolly Doctor, weird but interesting things
you may notice during sex.
Well see, now I guess Dolly Doctor isn't really needed
because the internet's come along
and you just type I have pubic lice into Google
and like eBay comes up with all those
different things you can buy.
What's this article say?
Weird but interesting things you may notice during sex.
Oh god, the smell is off-putting.
Oh, oh my god, (laughing)
oh, okay, oh my god.
It says here, oh the smell of his semen.
Oh, it's good to see that Dolly has still maintained
that level of real in your face language.
Okay, I think we're done here.
It's been a wonderful journey.
Thank you so much for joining us.