WE HAVE A FUN SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
WANT TO KICK THINGS OFF.
THE BIG NEWS OUT OF WASHINGTON RIGHT NOW IS THE PRESS
CONFERENCE DONALD TRUMP HELD THIS MORNING.
DID EVERYONE SEE IT?
NO?
LUCKY YOU, SIR.
THIS WAS IN RESPONSE TO HIS SECRETARY OF LABOR WITHDRAWING
HIS NOMINATION AND TRUMP HAVING TO PICK A REPLACEMENT.
TRUMP'S ORIGINAL PICK FOR SECRETARY OF LABOR, ANDREW
PUZDER, IS THE CEO OF HARDEES AND CARL'S JR.
BUT PUZDER WITHDREW HIS NOMINATION AFTER IT BECAME CLEAR
HE WOULD NOT GET CONFIRMED.
WHEN ASKED WHAT HE WAS GOING TO DO NEXT, PUZDER SAID, "PLEASE,
DRIVE AROUND TO THE SECOND WINDOW AND WE CAN TALK THERE."
YEAH, THAT'S HOW BAD THINGS ARE IN THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION
RIGHT NOW.
SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU'D LIKE TO WORK IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND
YOU'RE LIKE, "NO THANKS, I'D RATHER WORK AT CARL'S JR."
AS HIS REPLACEMENT, TRUMP DECIDED HE NEEDED A FAST FOOD
LEADER WITH MORE POLITICAL EXPERIENCE.
WHICH IS WHY THE NEW NOMINEE FOR LABOR SECRETARY IS NONE OTHER
THAN MAYOR McCHEESE.
JUST KIDDING, TRUMP'S REPLACEMENT NOMINEE FOR
-- IT WAS BIZARRE EVEN BY TRUMP'S STANDARDS.
FIRST OF ALL, HE GAVE THE ENTIRE THING IN FRONT OF A WEIRD SORT
OF YELLOW CURTAIN.
THAT THING IS TACKY, WRINKLED, STRANGELY COLORED-- AND THE
CURTAIN'S UGLY TOO.
CAN WE SEE IT AGAIN?
KNOWING TRUMP'S PAST, I'D THINK HE'D BE SMARTER THAN TO STAND IN
FRONT OF A GOLDEN SHOWER CURTAIN.
WHAT?
AND IF YOU THINK THAT WAS CRAZY, YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD WHAT CAME
OUT OF HIS MOUTH AT THIS PRESS CONFERENCE.
HERE ARE JUST A FEW OF THE CRAZY THINGS HE SAID.
NOW, THIS SHOW IS ONLY AN HOUR, SO WE HAVE TO HURRY THROUGH
THESE.
FIRST OF ALL, IN THIS PRESS CONFERENCE, TRUMP CLAIMED TO
HAVE HAD THE BIGGEST ELECTORAL WIN SINCE REAGAN, AND WHEN A
REPORTER POINTED OUT THAT WAS FALSE, TRUMP RESPONDED WITH, AND
I QUOTE, "I'VE SEEN THAT INFORMATION AROUND."
AROUND?
HE SAW THIS INFORMATION "AROUND?"
WHAT, WAS IT TACKED TO A BULLETIN BOARD NEXT TO GUITAR
LESSONS AND A PICTURE OF A LOST CAT.
"BIGGEST ELECTION VICTORY EVER!" AT ANOTHER POINT, HE WENT OFF
TALKING ABOUT URANIUM FOR A WHILE.
WHAT HE SAID DIDN'T MAKE A LOT OF SENSE.
TAKE A LOOK: YEAH, WE KNOW WHAT URANIUM IS,
RIGHT?
NUCLEAR WEAPONS AND OTHER THINGS LIKE LOTS OF THINGS HAVE BEEN
DONE WITH URANIUM INCLUDING SOME BAD THINGS.
YEAH, WE KNOW WHAT URANIUM IS, DONALD.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT URANIUM IS?
BECAUSE IT KIND OF FEELS LIKE SOMEONE JUST TOLD YOU WHAT IT IS
FIVE MINUTES AGO, AND NOW YOU'RE ACTING LIKE YOU WROTE A WHOLE
BOOK ABOUT IT.
THERE WERE SO MANY WEIRD TANGENTS.
HE SAID HILLARY CLINTON'S NAME 11 TIMES DURING THIS PRESS
CONFERENCE.
WHY IS HE STILL TALKING ABOUT HILLARY CLINTON?
THE ELECTION IS OVER!
EVEN LOVE-SICK TEENAGE BOYS ARE LIKE, "MOVE ON, MAN!
LET HER GO, SHE'S GONE!" AND IT GOT WORSE.
AT ONE POINT, DONALD TRUMP ANSWERED A REPORTER'S QUESTION
BY SAYING THIS: >> I'M THE LEAST ANTI-SEMITIC
PERSON YOU'VE SEEN IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.
>> "THE LEAST ANTI-SEMITIC PERSON."
THE LEAST.
BUT HERE'S THE THING.
HERE'S THE GUY HE SAID IT TO.
THIS GUY.
HE'S AN ORTHODOX JEWISH REPORTER.
I'M PRETTY SURE HE HAS MET PEOPLE WHO ARE LESS ANTI-SEMITIC
THAN DONALD TRUMP.
YOU KNOW, LIKE AT HOME.
OR AT HIS TEMPLE, HIS PASSOVER SEDER.
NOW, YOU AND I MIGHT WATCH THIS PRESS CONFERENCE AND THINK THIS
IS ALL A LOT OF CHAOS AND INSANITY. BUT TRUMP THINKS
EVERYTHING IS FINE.
HE MADE A POINT IN HIS PRESS CONFERENCE TO SAY THAT HIS
ADMINISTRATION IS RUNNING LIKE A "A FINE-TUNED MACHINE."
WE ACTUALLY HAVE VIDEO OF THAT MACHINE FOR YOU RIGHT HERE.