Channelate: Octo's New Hat
God, I work way too mush
Feels like i'm never home
Claire is going to be so surprised
Honey, I'm home early !
Oh my god, Walter !
*indistinct squid noises*
Claire... how could you!?
It's not what it looks like !
*indistinct squid noises*
Looks like you finally found that exotic foreigner you said was 'only a fantasy'
Walter... don't go !
I can't believe I made squid noises for you
*funky music plays*
I need an adventure. But where shall I go!?
When my finger stops the spinning globe, only then shall I know!
OOOHHH!!!?!?!?!?!
*footsteps* *door slams*
*seagulls squawking*
*splat*
*dragging sounds*
*clothes rustling*
*thud*
*paper rustling*
Hmmm...
*funky music plays*
*applauding*
When I snap my fingers,
Phil will wake up hypnotized to believe that you in the audience are on fire..
*gasp*
Don't worry folks. This will only be real to Phil.
*snoring* *laughing*
3, 2, 1...
*snap*
*Phil laughs*
*Phil laughs manically* - *fire sound effects*
*footsteps, door slams*
*Phil laughs manically*
Dad?
Phil!
Burn...
*Phil still laughing manically*
No Dad! Don't go!
*sobbing*
Oh, thank you
*blows nose*
Oh...
*romantic music plays*
*kissing sounds*
*wedding music plays*
*funky music plays*
*coughing*
Diane?
If I should ever enter a... a vegetative state,
I...
*coughing*
I just...
I just want you to pull it
*coughing*
And if it doesn't get hard, have them pull the plug
*footsteps, door slams*
C'mon...
Alright, go ahead
*heartbeat stops*
*phone vibrating*
*high pitch scream*
*door slam*
What do you say we turn this into a three way?? UGH!
Oh you're here already.
I didn't know how to tell you.
We should have known better.
It's basic biology.
*funky music plays, sirens*
*sigh*
What's wrong ?
I don't know, ma'am,
lately I've just felt like like I'm a
terrible superhero.
No, stop you can't do that to yourself.
Listen,
I owe my life and my freedom
to you.
You are my hero
*Music*
*sighs*
Sir! Any word on why you rescued the
murder nanny from her standoff with the cops?
*screaming*
Oh fuck me.
*camera clicks and flashes*
*footsteps, door slams*
*laughing*
Time to put you down for a nap! *laughing*
Ohh no
Drop your weapon
Criminal!
*punch*
My hero
*kiss*
*gasping, screaming*
*sigh*
*glass breaks*
You look like you could use another drink.
How 'bout it?
I'll take that as a yes!
Bartender a double for my friend here.
Bottoms up darling.
*funky music plays,
Oah?
*laughing*
HUH!
{In snarky tone} HEHEHE get up NERD. You like being a nerd?
Nerd!
How about another! *grunts* hehe dork.
Dorks are like nerds too.
*robotic stomping*
*screaming*
*splash*
*laughing* Nice. You're alright bully bot.
*clink*
*footsteps, door slams*
Honey?
I think this is the one, Edith
HELP!
*robotic stomping*
*screaming*
*funky music*
Yes, my master?
Genie!
You have truly changed my life forever,
with my first wish,
you've given me the wealth to live
a life free of burden and with my second,
a true love that will last a lifetime
full of happiness,
so
it's with much consideration that I use my last wish
for someone who truly deserves it
Genie for my third and final wish,
I have this very special friend,
he's trapped
he's blue and I wish to finally set him
free
as you wish
Oh Yea! OOOOh Yea!
*buzzing*
Thanks dude, I sure don't feel blue
anymore.
*footsteps, door slams*
*rubs lamp*
*sigh* Yes, my master?
I wish for more cocaine!
Ehh, okay look I can do that but your first two
wishes were cocaine and they're both gone
mean maybe you could wish for more cash
or a never-ending supply of wishes?
Just give me the cocaine!
*sighs*
Fine.
POLICE!!!HANDS IN THE AIR
*gunshots*
So uhh, killer Mike! What are you in for?
Tax evasion.
Sure. And I regret it
but it's a rough world out there and I got
kids to feed.
I'd evade them again.
You know what I mean?
So uh, did you hear Ted got out?
He said he wanted to settle the score with his pops
*robotic stomping*
Hey he broke out eight ball.
Do me next!
No me!
Do me!
Hey hey Imma gettin outta he--
*wall crumbling*
Oh,
Never-mind.
I'll pass. thanks.
*robotic stomping*
*funky music*
*sips*
Aaaaaah
*grunting*
Ahh.
*heavenly music*
Ahh juh--
Ah jeez
C'mon
C'mohohon
*grunting*
*zipper*
Ahhhh.
Ohh yea.
*Car starts*
*laughing*
His tiny penis.
Oh
No
*laughter continues*
No no no no no no no no
*thud*
You stand before the all-powerful Zoltar.
Insert a token and witness your dreams
come true.
*gong*
Speak
Zoltar the Great,
I wish I was big
you know,
down there.
Your wish is my command
OOOOOOOOHHHHHH
Run for your liiives!
*crying*
Aim for the tiny penis!
*footsteps, door slams*
Satan, we need reinforcements!
There's a giant with a tiny penis ...
trying to ...
take over hell?
Satan's out for the week
he's uh
rigging the U. S. election for an old friend.
Oh, alright ... *door slams*
*gong*
* funky music*
*snoring*
Frankie NOOOOOO!
*slamming*
What are you doing?
You do not chop wood with grandpappy's
special murder axe. *mwah*
Who let you out
of the basement? I left the wood chopping
axe with your Uncle Ted. That one I use for both.
*footsteps, door slams*
*grunting, breathing*
I'll never talk.
Oh you'll talk, you'll have a real nice
talk with my good friend the murder axe.
That ... Aww what the hell
Martha NOOOO
What? You don't want any pie?
Damn it. Why do we even have a pie axe if
you ain't gonna use it?
Insert a token and witness your dreams
come true.
Speak.
Your wish is my command.
AHHHHHHH
Oh hey. Are you the one who agreed to
deliver his soul to Satan?
Ahhh yep, I see you
right here.
Great wish man. Love it. Sometimes that
wording gets tricky.
If you'd just step into my portal of hate
we'll get that wish taken care of and
your soul will be devoured by the end of
the day. How does that sound?
Let's do it! catch you next time Zoltar, my man.
We are not friends.
Are we ready to begin?
Yes my Masters.
Let's see you wanted ....
revenge on those who betrayed you?
Brutal! I dig it!
For the prophecy.
*the sound of an axe hitting flesh*
Let's do it!
Dinner is served, enjoy Satan.
Satan is allergic to shellfish.
*heavenly music*
*footsteps, door slams*
*Outro Music*