TOP OF THE MORNIN TO YA LADDIES, MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE
And welcome back to my ER!
Well this isn't my ER
This is some bullshit desk and sta-nurse's station
Where the fuck is she anyway?
Ready to take my calls, wait, is the phone gonna ring?
No, okay! Operations! Let's do this!
Moving on to eyeball surgery.
Sure it's like I was made for it, jacksepticEYE
How else do you think I fixed my septic eye?
I fucking did it myself.
Just reached in there, and jimmy it around until something happened and I can see again.
It was awesome!
Terrifying but, awesome!
O-kay, what's up Bob?
Wake wake!
Oh God your eyes do not look like they're ready for surgery
I'm just gonna say that now
Can I take these fucking things off?
How am I suppose to surgerate on your face if you have goggles on?
Oooooh
Those are some eyeballs *giggles*
Okay, so I've never done this surgery in the main game
So I have no idea actually how to do this one, so...
This is gonna be interesting.
Do I actually- what the fuck is this?
Is this a nose hair trimmer?
*laughs*
That's what it looks like anyway.
Do I have to cut the thing off your face?
I don't know what I'm doing
Okay, well, it's not like I fucking knew what I was doing any of the other times.
Slice... I do!
Why can't I just take them off your head?
There we go! Nice!
Well there's your fucking problem you can see through those!
Are you bleeding out? No.
Do I not have a camera for this? I fucking do
Here we go, yes
Here we go, okay
Record this shit I'm going to need evidence!
Um..
That or I can, uh, change it around and forge some better evidence when I fuck this up
Right!
Am I supposed to pull your eyeball out or something?
He-hello?!
Hello?
This thing in here!
Oh God you can move it!
OHHH thats fucking gross!
BEH BEH
THIS IS WHY YOUR WIFE LEFT YOU BOB!!!
Moving on!
How do I...
How do I cut the eyes out?
Fuck
Fuck off my desk!
I don't need this shit!
Do I- can I just
OHHHHHH
Oh that's bad!
OHHHHH THAT'S BAD!
Okay
Gonna assume that I don't do that.
Right so...
Let's take mister needle here and, uh, jimmy-jab
There we go!
Everything's fine Bob!
Stop FREAKING OUT!
Is-is this what this is for?
Wha-what does this do?
I-I-I don't know what this does...OH JESUS!
Right
*ting*
Is this supposed to do something?!
*ting*
I don't know what I'm doing Bob!
*laughs*
You look so derpy!
Right!
Whatit-What do I do?!
Spoon!
Eh!
I'm trying to dig your eyes out Bob-fuck's sake!
Why do you not want to listen to me??
OH!
Oh I can shave your eyebrows with it!
It IS a fuckin' nose hair trimmer!
There we go!
Part of every eye surgery...
...is to have really cool eyebrows!
It's what all the kids are doing these days-
Do you know how we had the, like, shaved...
...stripes in your eyebrows? Yeah
Kids these days are just shaving their eyebrows off
I don't get it either Bob
But it's what they're into and you're not allowed judge them
Wait
Now do your ears. Did I do your face?
Has a bit of a beard going on.
I can't even get it fucking near your face
GET OUT OF HERE you piece of shit!
BOB!
How do I get those eyeballs out of your head?!
Laser eye surgery! Are you ready?
Op-Open wide...
Open wide
*gross*
There we go, that's good
That's good right there!
I did it!
I have fucking no idea how to do this!
I mean um...
Of COURSE I know how to do this!
I'm the good doctor!
After all...um...
Aren't you supposed to have a tube...
...attached to this?
There's nothing going into your mask right now!
NURSE!
OH-Oh I see a game!
Bob
Fuck
Okay, Bob watch, watch!
Are you watchin?
BOB ARE YOU WATCHING!!!
Oh eye surgery...
yeah sorry- sorry Bob...
Fuck's sake!
Fuck!
UGH!
COME ON!
Huh
Eyeballs
Eyeballs!
(I love balls! lol)
Which ones do you like, Bob?
Tell me which ones you like
Do y-do you-do you want this one?!
This one?
Or-or-or these ones?
I d- ohhh I dropped them all, Bob!
OH
Oh that's what it does!
Can I see where the camera is looking?
Oh God!
WHO'S OVER THERE?!
WHO HAS THE CAMERA???
there's fucking no one here...
can...can I switch?
T-oh God what am I doing?
I'm looking at myself
Is that this?
WHICH ONE IS THIS??
I wanna be able to see through this one!
There we go
That's the one I want
There we go
Look at you Bob!
You're on Doctor's Home Videos™!
Piece of shit...
OH BOB-BOB UM...
THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN YOUR EYE!
IS THAT WHAT'S CAUSING THE PROBLEM?
UM...
I d-okay!
Um...
Don't know what to do!
NURSE?!
Can-ugh
Can I have the day off?
UM!
No! Turn that away
We don't need to see that!
Uhh um...
It's- it's not coming out...
It's-it's-it's not gonna-it's-it's n-oh okay (English please Jack!)
There we go
Nice!
*pop* :P
OH!
OH JESUS!
EW!
FUCK!
OKAY!
I might have figured it out-okay
Take some this!
STOP...
...DYING!
O-kay!
Now stuff is working!
Can I just pull this eye out as well?
You didn't fucking tell me that I was able to do that!
Gbd-Pull it out, pull it out!
Pull it out! How do I get the other one out?
I don't fucking know!
I ca-My hands are too big! I can't fucking do this!
Grab the-okay...
This one is coming out, first and foremost!
Let's grab this!
Oh go-Ew!
Eww!
EWWW!
EW!
COME HERE!
FUCKING EYEBALLS!
eugh-eugh easy does- there we go!
There's one eye done!
Perfec- WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT GO?!?
OKAY!
There w- That's a bit recess-
That's not supposed to be so far back in your head...
but it will work!
NO! Don't pull that one back out!
I need this one
What are you doin-
STOP GRABING THAT FUCKING EYEBALL!
That one's done!
We're finished!
Okay, fuck!
FUCK!
STOP IT!
I do-Stop dying on me please!
Grab the thing!
Grab the-grab the thing and pull it out-there we go!
Okay!
Oh is that supposed to happen?!
Oh ma-I mean YES!
SUPPOSED to happen! *wink wink*
Surgery!
On the eyes! Cut the-
Cut the things!
*slap*
Cut the-ugh...
Cut the fucking things!
WHAT?!
Okay, before he dies...
Before this mother fucker bleeds out on me
Okay
STAB STAB IN YOUR EYE SOCKETS!
Yes
Oh pick an eye!
Oh that's a fuckin good one!
There!
Put it in!
Put-put it in his fuckin head!
YEAHHHHH! Looks fine to me!
Does it look fine to you, Bob?
You have two different colored eyes now...
But that's not a bad *POP* thi-
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
NURSE!
I almost died, Bob!
Ha ha ha
The NEXT surgery is a teeth transplant!
Normally, you would call a dentist, okay?
But you know what?
You don't need a fucking dentist!
When the good doctor is just as good at this!
You having a nice snooze there, Bob?
D'you have a fuckin long hol' flight to...
...the...Bahamas or something
Do I have to cut this off your face?
Again? For fuck's sake!
Why do we put 'em in these things...?
FUCKING CABLES!
PICK UP THE FUCKING RIGHT ONES!
Cut that, yes!
I'm sorry I'm stabbing your cheeks, but you know what?
You need a shave anyway
here we go-AGH!
FUCKING CHRIST!
boink!
Are you okay?
HE'S FINE!
Okee smokee!
How do I do this?
Those are some fucked up jabbers
OH THAT... FUCKING MUSTACHE HAS TO GO!
Do I have my...
I don't have my hair trimmers again!
God dammit that's an ugly mustache!
Oh God, Bob, you don't need that! No!
No, God, put it away!
Right
So, I think...
...I need to break some teeth
We're just going to do a lil' tappy tap!
Like this!
*slaps*
yeah, but on your teeth!
Can you fucking do the thing, okay
*taps*
OH Jesus!
*taps*
OH God, Bob!
*rapid taps*
OH THAT'S ALL YOUR TEETH!
*taps*
I'm sorry, all my teeth feel weird just looking at ya!
OH GOD!
HE'S ALMOST FUCKING DEAD!!
UM!
SHIT!
PICK UP THE FUCKING NEEDLE!
Is he okay?
Okay! Fucking hell, right!
Um!
Where's the spare teeth?!
Why'd-ugh
Why?!
What the fuck does this do-oh God, ohhh
Uh well the fucking light's blinding me, get out of here!
Can I look at this properly?
Please?
Oh yeah!
Yeah, that's all fucked
Where's the teeth I need to put in 'em?!
OHHHHHHH!
Open it and drop the teeth
Oh my God! This is impossible!
I'm af-THEY LOOK LIKE FUCKING SESAME SEEDS!
Am I supposed to put in...
...tooth b-
THAT EVEN FELL DOWN THE FUCKING BACK OF HIS NECK!!
WHO CHANGED THIS??
FUCK'S SAKE!!
Ah God, now I'm bleedin!
I have an incisor!
I know where that goes!
right...
there!
Why are they falling into the back of his neck!
*slap*
Gimme out those fuckin...teeth!
I need them!
Eat my fingers!
*ting*
Do you know what your problem is, Bob?
You know what your problem is?
No respect!
People these days, they don't got no respect!
*kills*
*laughs*
*sad music*
I thought I was going to break his teeth in...
...but all it did...
Oh yeah oh Jesus!
No wonder your head exploded *laughs*
'Kay well that does it for this episode of Surgeon Simulator!
Couldn't do the last one, you know why?
Not a dentist
Do I look like a fuckin dentist? No!
Look like-I look like a doctor!
A doctor's supposed to fix your heart
Your kidneys
Your brain
...
Your eyeballs
Yo-NO!
Fucking dentists fix teeth!
It's not-I'm washing my hands of it!
It's not my problem!
I-I- You don't need teeth!
Anyway...just
Blend up all your food and drink it through a straw
ANYWAY!
THANK YOU GUYS
SO MUCH FOR WATCHING THIS EPISODE!
IF YOU LIKED IT...
PUNCH THAT LIKE BUTTON IN THE FACE...
LIKE A BOOOOOSSSS!
AND...
high fives all around!
WHAPSSSHHH
BUT THANK YOU GUYS AND I WILL SEE ALL YOU DUDES...
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!!!
Thata boy!
The best little boy...
THE WORLD'S A DISCO! YES!
(Up to this point it's all a blur...I give up...)
GIRONIMOOOOOO
We did it!
*phone guy*
Who's calling?
Stop that!
*phone guy*