Losing physical attraction to your partner. My name is Paul Friedman, I
founded The Marriage Foundation and this particular topic some may think that it
is more one gender than the other but in fact it's both, and there is a really
simple reason that this takes place which means that there's a simple fix.
Now, not always. Just the other day we got an email and we get emails because The
Marriage Foundation offers free counseling advice and so people are able
to write in and one woman wrote in and this is a true, this is actually
something that actually happened the other day. And she said, "My husband and I
have never had sex ever and I love him unconditionally, and I feel that he loves
me unconditionally and we've been married 25 years." And she said, "I want to
know whether this can be changed," and the counselor wrote back and said to her,
"Look, you love each other unconditionally. What more could you want?
You're fine. Don't fall into the trap of society that says sex is very important."
And she wrote back and said, "But it is very important to me," and so our
counselor wrote back and said, "This is not what we do. We don't get involved in
these sort of simple things," you already have and now I'm adding you already have
unconditional love and in most cases 99.7% of the
time, unconditional love when it's continuously expressed in the marriage
leads to physical intimacy not just soul intimacy. So there were pieces missing to
what she was writing in about obviously, and they were pieces that she didn't
want to reveal and we don't ask questions. But the reality is that we are
human beings which means we're a blend of the soul which is what we are
essentially, and our material side, our body in our mind. And so it's very
natural for us to engage sexually, to be attracted to each other when that
unconditional love is manifesting. So, think of it this way, making sure that
unconditional love exists in your marriage which is something you can do
it's something you have control over it will lead to sexual intimacy. What
inhibits that is usually one of the partners being really nice to the
other and so they build up defenses or an over sensitivity to the others
behavior towards them. This is solvable so think of the lack of sexual
attraction as a symptom and not like an immediate but a couple of steps away.
So the question is, what do I do about it?
Alright, let's go back to why you got married in
first place which was to be happy and to experience love, experience unconditional
love. That should have been your mindset going into the marriage and everything
that you do in your marriage should be geared towards contributing to those two
foundational elements in the marriage. Unconditional love and happiness, and
there is a simple principle free will that should be utilized to make that
happen. Free will doesn't always mean doing what
you want to do oftentimes, it means not doing what your mind is telling you to
do because your mind may be wrong. Your emotions are usually wrong, usually
and I know we live in a society now that's talking about go with your
emotions but that's not true. You shouldn't be going with your
emotions because your emotions are a part of the mechanism within your mind
that is not you the soul. You the soul should be in charge of the mind so if an
emotion is good you're feeling happy. Yeah, go with it but if it's feeling
resentment, you shouldn't go with it. I'm opening up kind of a new book for you on
marriage one that puts you in charge of your destiny. You in charge of your self
and your marriage which is how it's supposed to be. You wouldn't have
freewill if you weren't supposed to use it but
you are supposed to use it and you're supposed to use it to be happy not at
the expense of another but the happiness that's within you
should be expressed, the love that's within you should be expressed so that
you realize the happiness. The potential is there, the potential is there forever
increasing happiness and ever-increasing love every single day. When I say it, it's
not a mere philosophy to put in Facebook. It's a deep truth, it's a deep reality
and you can make it happen. You can and you should. You should have an
expectation of experiencing love and happiness in your marriage. I mean of
course in your whole life but especially in your marriage because it's a
protected space. Your soulmates -- there's just two of you in this
beautiful bubble of marriage that I call the sacred space of marriage, and the two
of you should be doing nothing to hurt the connection, nothing to mitigate the
expression of love, the expression of happiness. It's yours to enjoy, it's yours
to bring as far out as is humanly possible and humanly possible in this
case is infinite. The love that you are supposed to feel just by the suggestion
of free will has no limitation and the mind is perpetually elastic -- it has no
limitations so you're able to control it and make it work for you but you need to
learn how. So, going back to the original question because you're not feeling
sexual attraction to your partner anymore is that you have to take care of
the underlying dynamics in order for that to occur and then you will. Now some
people will blame them. They'll say, he or she
gained weight. They are not in the same shape. Well, people gain weight over time.
"Oh well, they don't treat me the way they used to. They used to treat me like a
king or a queen." Yes, those things should change but that has more to do with your
sensitivity to their behavior than their behavior. Just because they're not
expressing unconditional love to you doesn't mean that you shouldn't be
expressing unconditional love to them. And so, what happens is when people blame
their spouse, their partner for not treating them well. It means they too are
not treating their spouse well and it creates a cycle, a downward cycle. One of
you can turn that cycle upside down and turn it into a positive cycle. It's a
matter of education, it's a matter of learning what is required and then
applying what you've learned. Hopefully, this has helped you. There are many
videos you could subscribe to this channel and get a lot of information. Our
approach at The Marriage Foundation is very positive and it's very succinct. We
don't deal with the problems in marriage. What we do is we deal with the
underlying dynamics of marriage and we use the twin principles of expectation
of happiness and love as the guide. Thank you for spending time with me.
I appreciate it. You can like this video, share it, and blessings to you, blessings
to your spouse, and blessings to your family. God bless!