- What happens to a comedian
when you take away their audience?
This is a show where comedians perform to a camera
alone in a room while the audience watches
from an entirely different room.
All of the comedians will be wearing
noise cancelling headphones, so they'll have no idea
how their set is going.
This is Seven Minutes in Pergutory.
Are we ready to start the show?
(audience cheering and clapping)
Give it up for you guys.
(audience cheering and clapping)
This is very bazaar.
This is the lamp I was talking about
that will go on and off for the different comedians.
My name's (laughs).
My name is Ian Abramson.
In case you guys didn't know by this point,
my name is Ian Abramson.
I just moved to Los Angeles,
and I found that in Los Angeles,
people are actually very giving, very giving.
The other day on the side of the road,
I picked up some candles and some stuffed animals,
picked up a portrait of an old man.
I'd love to thank the guy, but all it says is Rip Dave.
Do you know what I mean?
I hope you know what I mean.
Oh boy, tell me if this has ever happened to you guys.
Google asked me to reset my password.
They said I needed eight unique characters,
so I entered an entire Tennessee Williams play,
and they had the gall to deny that.
Are you kidding me?
They weren't kidding me.
Oh boy, do you guys like impressions?
- [Voiceover] Yeah, sure.
- This is my impression of a matchstick.
(screams)
Thank you so much, matchstick.
Okay, coming up next, this is my impression
of an umbrella on a windy day.
(loudly breathing)
(snorting)
and then is gets thrown away.
Okay, coming up next, is my impression of a man
that does not know that he has brain cancer.
He does not know that he has brain cancer.
God, traffic is the worst, right?
(audience laughing)
okay, coming up next,
this is my impression of a gun
doing stand up comedy.
Okay, gun doing stand up comedy.
Am I going to fast?
I have no idea.
Okay, gun doing stand up comedy.
Hey, I'm a gun.
I know what you're thinking.
Is this guy loaded?
No bullets, but I got a beach house in Miami.
Pkew, pkew, bulls-eye.
I was with a girl last week.
She said, "Hey you got any protection?"
I said baby, "What do you think I am?"
She said, "but it looks a little bit trigger happy."
Pkew, pkew, bulls-eye.
She said, "Look, I don't know if I want to get involved
"with a pistol,"
and I said, 'Hey just because you mess around
"with a hand job,
"doesn't mean you got to whack anybody off."
Pkew, pkew, bulls-eye.
Oh boy, okay, those were my impressions.
I want to share with you guys something
that my grandfather used to say.
I used to think that this was really wise.
Now I'm not so sure.
You guys can help me decide, okay.
He would say that one boy is a full boy,
two boys is half a boy,
and three boys are no boys at all.
What that means, if somebody's trying to get work done,
he will get the full amount of work done.
If two boys are working together,
they will get half the amount of work done,
but if three boys are working together,
no work will get done,
but what about four boys?
You've got two sets of two boys,
at half a boy each,
so four boys is just one boy.
Then what about five boys?
If you've got one set of three boys,
it's zero boys, and one set of two boys,
at half a boy, so five boys is just half a boy.
Then what about six boys?
You've got two sets of three boys,
zero boys each, so then six boys are no boys.
Then what about seven boys?
You've got one set of three boys, it's zero boys,
and one set of four boys, and two sets of two boys,
a half a boy each, so seven boys is just one boy.
Give me a break, Grandpa.
Earlier my friend asked me,
"Hey is that a banana in your pocket,
"or are you just happy to see me?"
I said, listen, it can be both.
What I'm saying is I want to talk to you guys
about sexual health.
There is a right way, and a wrong way to put on a condom,
and I've been brought here tonight
to teach you just how to do that.
The first thing you need to know,
is picking the right condom for you.
If you get one that's too big, it can rip,
if you get one that's too small, it can slip off.
What you do is your take the condom,
and you make sure to spread the condom
over the tip.
I think it goes on this side, sorry.
You spread the condom
over the tip of the penis.
Did you guys ever take a job and exaggerate your experience?
Whew, okay, I think I'm supposed to inflate this.
This is a reservoir tit, so what you do,
is you take the condom, and spread it around the penis.
This protects the penis from many issues that might.
If that happens, buy plan B.
I'm going to have to show you guys on a real penis,
I'm so sorry about this, oh boy, okay.
(audience laughing)
Thank you guys so much for coming.
My names Ian Abramson.
This has been Seven Minutes in Pergutory.