[THEME MUSIC]
Yo, Cardi B and Offset had a big birthday bash
for their daughter, Kulture.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
A lot of y'all are like, why are there alcoholic drinks
at a baby's birthday party?
And I want to remind you that Cardi B is from the Bronx
and that's how we get down in the Bronx, all right?
Yes, that's how we do it.
That's how we do it.
[LAUGHTER]
Even a baby shower is Bring Your Own Bottle,
you know what I'm saying?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
What?
That's a caterer.
They was like, what's the-- what's the theme for this?
They were like, "gout, all right?"
[LAUGHING] Nitrates.
Look at the-- are those blue klizzies?
Those are klizzies, cuz.
Oh, wow.
[LAUGHTER]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
DESUS: Gee, I'm so confused.
I thought that was a real car and it totally
would make perfect sense.
It would make perfect sense, like--
Yeah!
--here-- here's her Mercedes.
She can drive it when she's 15.
But I don't know.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MERO: What?
Where are they?
Clearly the house from "Parasite," because this shit
is expensive as shit, bro.
What?
Rose diamonds and rose gold cotton candy.
MERO: Oh, they got a cotton candy machine?
Let me see what the Kulture--
ooh!
Fire!
Yo!
She got Banksy making cotton candies and shit?
Bro, that's wild.
How you getting artisanal cotton candy made?
That is a flex.
[LAUGHING] Yo, yo.
That is a-- like, a lot of y'all are watching it like,
this is disgusting and this is over the top,
spending money, you know.
This is Bronx success right here.
Yo, for real.
Do your thing, Cardi. Do your thing.
Salute. Know what I'm saying?
Be as wasteful as you want.
Cardi and Offset, if you need two hosts for the next party,
hey!
I mean, yo.
Listen, you know what I'm saying?
We both know how to make cotton candy.
We know-- we both smoke, we both drink.
You know, we will say curse words
that your kid has definitely heard before, like, come on.
Know what I'm saying?
We'll play all your music and we'll bring our own stuff.
Meaning guns.
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
I can't open it!
Wow, this sounds just like the Bronx in the summer.
This has just-- - Yo.
One million percent.
I was about to say, I was like, um, this is wild triggering,
dog.
I was like, I'm expecting a chair
to fly at me at some point.
Yo, this is just outside in front of the bodega, red cup
with a little Hennesey in it.
Listening to some garbage hip-hop and just loving it.
Just doing some Hotep Theories this just is a mess.
[MUSIC AND SINGING]
This can't be an official birthday
because I don't see any video of them dancing the Suavamente.
Got to play "Suavamente."
[LAUGHTER]
You know that.
Yeah, that's true.
(SINGING) Suavamente!
Then the kids get up like, oh, shit, here we go!
Oh, shit!
[SINGING MUSICAL SOUNDS]
DESUS: "We was too loud I guess."
Another big Bronx birthday party event, when the cops come.
When the cops come.
You know they're gonna come.
That's how you know if your party's rocking--
MERO: If you have fights.
The cops come, you turn down the music for a little bit--
Little bit.
--and you turn that bitch back up to spite the person
that called the cops.
You know the vibe.
CARDI B: These are her gifts.
DESUS: Wow.
CARDI B: That's a custom Kulture.
I'm sorry, but if I come to a birthday party
and I see a kid has that many gifts already,
my gift is going back in the car.
Sorry!
[LAUGHING] Like, yo.
I'll take that receipt, thank you.
Look, mami.
Wow!
Ooh!
OK!
She's like, oh--
OK?
Uh, I wanted the Doc McStuffins
play set, but I guess?
A $20,000 purse is OK?
She's looking at it like, what the fuck is this?
This makes as much sense as buying your kid an LLC
for their birthday, like--
Like, yo, come on.
Look at her.
She put the bag back like, all right, I'm good.
She's like, eh, I'm good.
I'm going to go back to the cotton candy machine.
He's like, no, no, no no, no!
And that's the-- that's the worst
feeling as a parent, when you get some shit and you're like,
no, no, no! Look, look!
Look.
Don't you-- don't you like this?
I-- like-- look--
You start showing them how to play--
Look, look!
[BLOWS INTO CARTRIDGE] You can blow on it!
[HORN PLAYING SOUNDS]
It's fine! - They're like--
DESUS: I don't want this. This is stupid.
Fucking bunch of shit.
The best part, she's going to fill that Birkin bag with,
like, Cheez-Its and raisins and peanut--
you know how little kids are. - No, you already know.
It's going to be disgusting inside!
Yeah, she's gonna draw on it and shit with,
like, a fuckin' Crayola marker and shit, like--
Like, ahh!
Just come with it, and it's, like, leaking orange juice.
You're like, why would you put orange juice in it?
And the kid is like, why-- - It's my juice bag!
Why wouldn't I?
It's my juice bag.
That's where I put my juice!