Hi, my name is Paul Friedman. I founded The Marriage Foundation and the topic is
"How to be a Better Husband to your Wife" and I've talked about this a lot even at
Second Saturday which started a support group for men who are going through a
divorce and unfortunately, most men wait too long. They go, "Oh, this will work out.
She's just going through this blah blah blah", and they wait too long and then
they realized that their wife has left them and they're filing for a
divorce. And then in most cases, it's pretty much too late just because the
way society is set up now and also because of the nature of women.
They love you, they love you, they love you, they love you, they patiently give
wait and then BAM! Something happens and if they give their love to
someone else that's pretty much over. If they haven't but they're just leaving
and I sometimes we have people where the wife is still in the house but she's
like past DEFCON 10 and she's letting her husband know occasionally can be
saved hopefully that's the case for you. I'm going to give you some bullet points.
Also if you're asking this question chances are you're past the point of
using either of my books which is Breaking the Cycle or Lessons for Happy
Marriage, great reviews. They're great useful, really useful marriage books but
you're probably passed that point and you need the course for men. In the
course for men, I start out with very simple very deep stuff. Number one, you
have free will. You're misusing it. You're not using it to put joy into your
marriage. You have expectations of your wife but not of yourself and that has to
change, but one of the biggest problems that I'm going to share with you for men is
this.
Anger -- men use their anger on their wife so the best way to illustrate why this
is screwed up, a friend of mine -- I was a divorce mediator before and a fellow
divorce mediator Robert said to me and he used this explanation for
children. He used to say, "Imagine you go to an alien planet with two bodyguards
and then they turn on each other." And he was talking about how it is for
kids when their parents start attacking one another?
And I used that and I said, "Imagine you hire a bodyguard", because as a man
that's what you are. We're going into the basics of the biology because
there's the biology and the spiritual part but you can't ignore either.
So biologically, men are the protectors so you or your wife's bodyguard, you're the
guy who carries the gun and you get mad at her for some nonsensical stupid
little thing which everything is stupid and nonsensical. And you go, "Biatch, you
better get your act together." Now you're not doing that but when you
go... you might as well be doing that because women are sensitive and
she's been trusting you to take care of her so you're turning the tables and
you're really upsetting things. Fortunately, a screwed up as it is where
Hollywood has made men into these things and women there's so much confusion that
it doesn't really affect women consciously like then they don't leave
you immediately. They should because that is your obligation to protect but they
don't because we're all screwed up. But if you want to be a better husband
that's got to go. You cannot be stern with your wife. You cannot show anger.
You cannot be angry.
There's no reason for anger towards your wife. Anger is a physiological biological
reaction to fear. It's part of the survival instinct. It's not meant to be
used in the home. It's meant to be used in the jungles. You're supposed to
control it. You have free will just because you have an animal body doesn't
mean you should be doing animal things or let that body be telling your mind
what to do so this is the main part of the men's course is learning how to
control the mind and it's probably the best mind control self-help program
anywhere in the world. I've wanted to take just that first part of
the course and turn it into its own thing because it would be so useful I
mean we're in a world where people do anger management. You should have no
anger management. You should have anger -- no, no anger. That's your first step is
to stop doing the idiotic things that are scaring your life. I'm not going to
tell you go buy her flowers, take her on a trip
those are BS. You need to change yourself to become the ultimate man who she
thought she was marrying right from the beginning and it takes a lot of courage
for you to look in the mirror and go, "Maybe I am not who I thought
it was, maybe I'm not looking at how my wife sees me the right way." You got to
get real. This is the time to get real or get married again and again and again to
be honest with you. And as a divorce mediator, you know I had friends who were
divorced mediators, some of us have had the same clients over and over again.
You don't want to go that route. You want to get it right, do it right now
so that's the best they can do to help you. If you have a specific problem, write
into our counselors, it's free. Maybe you could get more help that's more geared
right to what you're going through although they will always only
recommend either the books or the program but you could share
more information. If you'd like to comment, you can and you could like this
video. You could share it other than that blessings to you, love to help you
blessings to your wife and and blessings to your family. God bless, take care!