(lively music) (audience cheering)
- What's that? (Ross laughing)
(laughs) We're back with Chelsea Handler.
Chelsea. (audience cheers)
- Now, Chelsea and Drew are two people,
you know what you want in life,
and you know what you want when it comes
to dating, to life, to everything.
So it's time to find out about your biggest deal breakers
in a game we call Red Flag, Yellow Flag, Green Flag.
(audience clapping)
So here's how it works.
I'm gonna give out some scenarios.
If you're cool with it,
you're gonna bring out your green flag, all right?
If it's a little neutral,
you don't care so much, yellow flag.
And if it's a hard pass, red flag.
Got it?
- Yeah. - This is so fun.
- Okay, first up.
So let's say you're madly in love with somebody,
but it turns out that he is, or they are, allergic to dogs.
- Mmm.
- Red flag, green flag, or red flag?
- I can work with that.
- You can? - Maybe, yes.
- [Ross] But you have dogs.
- But I don't have to be full-time with someone.
(group laughs)
- That's a built-in barrier.
You're right.
Stay at your house.
- This could be a part-time commitment.
- Yeah, you?
- I don't think you should turn down the right person
for allergies.
- Right.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Get a Zyrtec and go nuts.
- Yeah. - You know?
- Yeah, like just put, you know, put the dogs away,
hang out, and then go back to your life.
- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, exactly.
- Okay.
- Or meet in a, yeah, whatever.
That's not a big deal.
Are you supposed to hold the flag like this? (laughs)
- No, you can. (group laughs)
- And I do like this weird shake,
like I really mean it.
- Okay. - Okay.
- Well we agree on that apparently.
- So, allergic to dogs not a deal breaker.
What about this one?
I love this word.
He or they are looking to be in a throuple.
- I don't like that.
- No throuples for Chelsea Handler.
- No, I don't mind being the third party,
but I don't want to be any other position. (chuckles)
I don't wanna be in the primary party having a throuple,
but I wouldn't mind being the person coming in and out.
(everyone laughs)
- You wanna make a pit stop, a cameo? (laughs)
- What about you Drew?
- Could you be in a throuple?
I wonder.
- Dealing with two people?
- Yeah, it's a lot. - Oh my God.
Relationships are hard enough.
I guess, just because I don't know
who I'm dealing with,
I'm gonna do that.
But, you know, I don't know.
There's, I'm, I guess this.
- It sounds exhausting.
You have to fake it twice.
(Drew laughs) Alright, what about this?
It's below 70 degrees out,
and they show up to a date wearing flip flops.
- Okay. I knew, I mean. - That's in your special.
- Chelsea's, right, I knew that you couldn't do this.
- No, I hate flip flops,
and I think they should be illegal.
(audience laughs)
- [Ross] What is it about them that you hate?
- They're just, for men, it's not for them.
It's for girls and gay men who take care of your feet
and get pedicures, and they,
you can't just whip your feet out, no.
That's not acceptable to me anymore.
- I took my straight brother to get his first pedicure.
It was fun. (Chelsea laughs)
Oh, you're fine with it?
- Yeah. - Drew goes, "I'm OK with it."
- I can't, I personally love a guy
who wears like slides with socks.
My ex-boyfriend, Luke, used to wear like socks
and his Adidas, and I was so turned on.
(audience laughs) (Chelsea laughs)
I loved it.
I thought he was so cool.
And he used to wear like a visor.
I was like, who makes visors look cool?
He sounds like he's in a seventies porno.
(everyone laughs)
- All right.
What if you were dating somebody,
and it turned out they were a total prude?
- Oh, that's a red flag for me.
I need somebody who can have a good time.
- Yeah, who can party?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Party. All of it.
- They're not gonna like me. - No.
- So I'll just do the work for them.
No. - Yeah.
- I don't wanna waste your time,
and you're not gonna waste mine.
- Okay, this one's interesting.
What if they tell you on the first date that they have kids,
but they didn't include that in their online profile?
- Okay, I'm not mad at that. - Okay.
- 'Cause like as long as you get it as,
you know, face-to-face, the first face-to-face,
if they tell you the truth,
then that's what the most important thing is.
- Some people might say their dating app
is not the place for their kids,
or to discuss it or show them.
And I know because I'm one of them.
- Oh, see, I love that.
- This is not a forum about my kids.
- [Chelsea] Yeah.
- They're not up for the selling point or any of it.
- I was talking to this guy, and we were texting,
and then like the third text in, he said something like,
oh, I'm just putting the kids to bed with my wife.
And I reread it, and I went, what?
And then I went back and he said, oh, just here for friends.
Married with children.
And I thought, who's on a dating app to meet friends?
Like, if you don't have friends,
and you don't know how to figure out.
- Red flag, red flag, red flag.
- I was like, hey buddy, I'm not talking to you
to become friends, okay?
- Yeah. Whoa. - I know.
That was so weird to me.
And then I was looking,
and I guess that's a category where you can be like
I'm just here to meet people.
And you're like, no. - I see that a lot.
Not the married thing, but the here just for friends.
And then I'm like, okay, well we're all shopping here,
and if the cart is full, why are you here?
- Yeah, it's like going to the grocery store
for a library book.
Darling, you're at the wrong spot.
(Chelsea laughs) Right?
- On that same dating app, this guy wrote,
he was like, "I grew up above a cobbler shop,
so the scent of leather just is so nostalgic.
And every time I smell it,
I'm brought back to my childhood."
And I was like, all right, well you know, jokingly,
I'm like, well if I smell any leather today,
I'll let you know. (audience laughs)
And I said, but you know what an interesting story.
And he goes, oh, I made it up.
- [Ross] What?
- And I just went unfollow or block.
Why would someone make up a elaborate story
about their childhood that wasn't true?
- (laughs) I don't know.
- Is it really that hard out there?
- It's not. - Yes.
- We're all talking about an app
that's like harder to get on.
But 'cause if I look at my sister's apps that she's on,
which are like more public apps,
public facing apps, you know, Bumble or whatever,
the latest ones are, every man is holding a fish.
- Yeah. - And it's like,
I don't understand what that allure is.
Like, they're roping us in with sea bass?
- Yeah, I think it's a little hot.
- I don't. - You're in the outdoorsy.
Come and take me out on your boat.
- I'm not interested in a fish
and somebody who's catching big fish.
(group laughs)
That's not part of my. - All right.
What about this?
You, you're looking at somebody's online profile,
and this is their picture.
Back here, Chelsea.
- That's a red flag for me.
(everyone laughs) (audience claps)
- I think I'm more concerned he's too young for me.
- [Ross] You're looking at the man.
Look at the cats, Drew.
- Oh, I'm looking at the cats.
That's the only thing that's keeping this flag up,
is the cats.
- [Ross] Really?
- [Drew] The yellow flag is for the cats, not the man.
I love animals. - Mm-hmm.
- So I think I'm saying, but it's,
the cats are a possibility.
Probably not him.
I just think he also just looks way too young for me.
So that's what's stopping me there.
- He looks like he's busy with his kitties.
All right.
Let's say on their profile, it says,
this word is interesting,
that they are an entrepreneur.
- Oh yeah. That's stupid.
(audience laughs) (audience claps)
- Why? Why is that such a red flag?
Entre, is that a bad thing to be?
- This is so, it's just so, it just sounds
like such a crock, like what are you talking about?
Get specific, you know?
What business are you in if you're an entrepreneur?
Like, you know, renewables?
What entrepreneurial business are you in?
- [Ross] You want a specific. Drew?
- It's so irritatingly vague.
I won't play.
I just, please be upfront about who you are.
We're all, we've all got a mining cap on
in these dating apps.
Just tell me who you are.
Let's be upfront about it. - Yeah.
- I've never, I'm not like out there
dating rich, powerful, you know, fabulous people.
That's not like my thing.
So I'm not judging you for your job.
I just want you to be honest and transparent.
- Yeah, that seems like a word that you use
when you don't have a job. - A job.
And you're just trying to lie.
- Totally. Like unemployed.
I'm an entrepreneur. Yeah.
- I'd rather someone say I'm between jobs right now.
- Yes, exactly. Honesty always.
- Yes, just please be transparent.
- Okay, well this one's more interesting, okay?
'Cause it has to do with etiquette.
So these are his table manners.
- What do I do if I don't want this piece of food
in my mouth? - Oh.
- What if I just did this? - Yeah.
(everyone laughing)
- I will never forget that.
- Definitely a yellow flag.
If it were on a first date,
and someone just spit out their food. (laughs)
But I like that she covered her mouth
while she was doing it.
She didn't just go. (spits)
- Okay, what about this?
So you go on a couple dates with somebody, cute, cute.
And then all of a sudden, they wanna sext you,
like get dirty in the inbox.
Oh, well, you know what I mean?
Stop it.
You know, just like text each other.
- But after you've already had sex with them?
- No, you just go on a couple dates.
Oh, it's cute. How fun.
And then all of a sudden, it's like, what are you wearing?
- Yeah, I don't like that
until you've had some penetration.
- Oh God. (everyone laughs)
(audience clapping)
- Like that is not foreplay to you?
- No. I find that creepy.
And it's overstepping.
- Chelsea, whether it's daytime, nighttime,
morning, noon, or night, we need you.
- Yeah, we do.
- We need you on TV. - Aww, thank you, guys.
(audience clapping)
We need you in your special.
Chelsea's new standup special called Revolution,
which is on Netflix by the way.
- [Ross] Right now.
(audience cheering) - And it is just awesome.
As are you.
I love you.
I cannot wait, February 6th on "The Daily Show."
- [Chelsea] Thank you, guys.
Thank you so much.
- You.
- You are a green flag.
- You are the green flag.
- That's so nice.
I love you baby.
- I love you so much.
(upbeat music)