Translator: David DeRuwe
Please raise your hand if you’ve studied a second language.
Now raise your hand if you consider yourself fluent in this second language.
It’s difficult, right?
To be fluent takes time.
Now I ask you:
if sexuality were a language, would you consider yourself fluent?
Can you openly and naturally express
your desires, your fantasies, or what you dislike, without guilt?
According to research from ProSex in 2016,
more than 50% of Brazilian women have difficulty achieving orgasm.
Would that number be so high
if people were actually able to communicate what they feel?
Talking about sex is more intimate than having sex.
We’re embarrassed,
afraid of being judged or being misinterpreted,
and even of hurting someone else.
And good communication is the key to a satisfying sex life.
It’s because of this that today I’m going to share with you
how we can become sexually fluent by using technology in our favor.
Let’s start by understanding why it’s important we invest in this fluency.
I believe that most of us here
have some routine or activity to improve well-being,
be it through food habits, physical exercise, sleep, or meditation.
But what about sexual well-being?
What are you doing to improve it?
Indeed, do you know what sexual well-being is?
Our sexual well-being is a combination of physical, emotional, and mental states
as it relates to our sexuality,
and it goes far beyond just sex.
Think with me:
when we feel sexually fullfilled,
our skin feels better, we feel more eager,
we’re in a better mood, and our self-esteem goes up.
Science has already proven the benefits of sex,
be it improving our immunity, our brain functioning, or reducing stress.
On the other hand, it’s very difficult for you to feel good about yourself
if you don’t feel good about your intimacy.
The way we think, we act, and we express ourselves sexually
can interfere directly with our well-being
and influence all the dimensions of our lives.
And it’s for this reason that practicing this sexual fluency
is one way for us to improve our well-being.
Here’s another example for you: Let’s remember the 2020 and 2021 pandemic.
Many people who were together separated -
I include myself in this -
and those who were alone had to overcome quarantines and lockdowns.
But independent of who was together or separated,
everyone had to look for a new way to de-stress and feel pleasure.
This awakened a collective sexual curiosity,
and naturally, given the context, the way people searched was online
for safety, privacy, and comfort reasons.
And what happened?
People started to buy more erotic products -
sex toys -
and they spent more time on relationship applications.
And do you know what what Google became?
Our sex coach.
The number of searches related to sexual well-being,
such as vibrators, sexual positions, and fetishes, grew considerably.
Even without us realizing it, we resorted to our sexual well-being
to deal with our other social and emotional needs.
This association between technology and sexuality isn’t actually a new thing.
It’s been happening for a while, but not always to everyone’s benefit.
An example is pornography.
However, due to the pandemic, this greater openness to experimentation
made the role of technology even more evident,
as a means for us to redefine our bond with our intimacy.
There are signs that we’re experiencing a new sexual revolution,
which this time is technological.
According to Andrea Barrica who wrote the book “Sextech Revolution,”
it is much more inclusive, diverse, and led mainly by women
who for a long time have had their sexual needs set aside.
This makes all the difference in the way this technology is being applied,
because it opens a path of opportunities to improve our sexual experience.
And since we already use technology for so many things in our lives,
why not let it contribute for us to become sexually fluent?
I hope you guys are just as excited as I was
when I found out about this arsenal of resources that exist today.
And that’s what led me to create an initiative called Tech4Sex,
which has the objective of sharing these new technologies
that can help us become sexually fluent and increase our satisfaction.
And now I’m going to show you three ways how technology can help us
leave behind our basic language for one more advanced:
The first way that technology can help us is by unblocking our sexual intelligence,
and this is nothing more than a skill set
that can boost our libido and increase our sexual satisfaction.
It all begins with self-awareness -
knowing more about our anatomy, what gives us pleasure,
our limits, and our consent.
This gives us confidence and freedom.
For example, today there is a tool called an “erotic blueprint,”
which does nothing more than help us understand,
for example, our erotic profile:
what excites us, what blocks us,
and even how we can communicate with someone whose erotic profile
is different from ours.
But we also have other available resources like applications, for example.
There are various applications on the market
that function like an intimate journey of self-awareness.
So they have videos, texts, and practice exercises
that help us to get to know ourselves better sexually.
What else do we have?
We also have streaming platforms with content that functions like Netflix.
They have a catalog of themes that you can watch
from the comfort of your home and bed.
There are also several online courses we can watch with this theme.
I commonly say that sexuality
is the next frontier of our personal and socio-relational development.
And the good news is that this learning journey
can be much lighter, more fun, online, and on demand.
The second way that technology can help us become fluent
is by fostering our imagination and our repertoire,
that is, increasing our vocabulary.
We human beings love new things:
we like adventure, and we like discovery.
And this is also reflected in our sexual life.
We need to stimulate eroticism
to do away with and scare away sexual boredom.
In her book “Sex in Captivity,”
Ester Perel has a passage that says the following:
“Spontaneity is a fabulous idea, but in a prolonged relationship,
anything that is supposed to happen naturally has already happened.”
So what does this mean, folks?
Desire depends on context.
We need to create visual and sensory stimuli.
I ask you:
When was the last time you tried something different?
I bet that many people here have considered buying a vibrator,
or using one, but didn’t for embarrassment or fear of what someone would think.
The next time you reconsider this idea, take this tip I’ll give you now:
Today when we want to find our way,
we use applications like GPS that facilitate our route
and often lead us to paths we were unaware of.
Vibrators, lubricants, and intimate cosmetics
can do exactly the same thing for us.
They take us to places to have sensations we didn’t know before,
and they facilitate our route to pleasure,
resulting in much more excitement and lubrication.
And be you the pilot or the copilot,
everyone can benefit, everyone can experiment,
and experience orgasms never experienced before.
And even for those who are alone, today there are vibrator models
that you can connect with your partner who is far away,
and these vibrators can be controlled remotely.
They can even interact with each other,
and all this makes this experience of remote and virtual sex
much more immersive and sensorial.
But if you’re one of those who doesn’t want to use vibrators,
there are other resources available that can stimulate our curiosity
like erotic audios.
These audios have different styles and narratives,
and they can even help us in guided masturbation
and encourage us to realize some fantasies.
Do you remember the last time that you realized some fantasy?
Well, the third way that technology can help us practice our fluency
is by helping with our sexual health.
As we become more comfortable talking about sex and sexuality,
we recognize our needs and the conditions that cause us discomfort.
However, we still hesitate and even delay in seeking professional help
to treat conditions that, sometimes, impede us from feeling pleasure.
And this is where technology enters because it can shorten this distance.
Many times you don’t need a medical prescription, for example,
to begin getting better, and to seek alternatives for pleasure.
One of the examples I have for you is silicone rings -
they’re flexible, and they help women who feel pain during penetration
to have a more comfortable experience.
In practice, what do they do?
They adjust the deepness of penetration.
It’s like they’re a penis shock absorber, and they give more comfort to the woman.
Another example of how technology can help is this sensorized masturbatory glove
that’s connected to a game application.
And what does this really do?
It helps men to discipline their brain to slow down premature ejaculation.
So you may ask me: “Don’t we already have remedies for this?”
We do, but there are other appoaches and alternatives that can faciliatate
and accelerate people seeking help to resolve their issues.
For people who have motor and mobility restriction
there are also other new alternatives
so that people can feel self-pleasure.
Intelligent intimate wear is an example:
It is sensitized, and while this person hugs this little pillow,
it discharges vibratory sensations in their underwear.
So it’s like this: Sexual pleasure is a right for everybody,
independent of sexual orientation, physical capacity, or age,
and this sexual technology, more and more, helps us take advantage of this right,
diminishing discrimination and prejudice.
There is a Harvard study about human development
that lasted about 70 years, and they interviewed more than 700 people.
In fact, it followed more than 700 people.
This study came to the conclusion that the key point for health,
longevity, and happiness is satisfactory relationships.
But we also have to agree
that a good sexual life is crucial for those relationships,
be they with others or with ourselves.
And even if we’re not also in a relationship,
sexual self-realization is fundamental for our lives.
Being aware of our sexual fluency
can free us from what causes us embarrassment.
While pain tells us what not to do and what is right or safe,
pleasure tells us where to go.
It gives us the direction.
It tells us what else we can do to feel that there.
There are an infinite number of ways that we feel pleasure,
and there are various ways for us to search for this sexual fluency.
Technology is only one way.
It’s not an end, and it won’t replace anything or anyone.
But it can broaden our senses,
which, in the end, is what connects us as humans.
It’s worth remembering that sex is the origin;
it’s the energy of life.
If we’re here today, it’s because our parents had a sexual relationship.
This is primordial and it’s natural, just as sexual well-being should be.
It is simply well-being.
Let’s not lose the opportunity to practice it.
Thank you.
(Applause) (Cheers)