- I don't think people really see the fact
that people with disabilities have sexual desires.
- I have a sex swing.
- That's amazing.
(upbeat music)
- [Interviewer] I am offended by the word disabled.
Three, two, one.
(bell chimes)
- I don't necessarily think that it's a bad word
and that it's something we shouldn't use,
but I also don't think it should be the only word
that defines us either.
I understand like disabled like means not able to.
And like I feel like I'm able to do most things
that an able person can do.
I just have to do them differently.
I think it's a better word
than words that have been used to describe me.
I hate the word special.
I think it's so demeaning,
and like I was called it my childhood,
you know, like special ed.
I literally get like chills thinking about that word.
And so then disabled I feel like is a more mature version
that doesn't hold that connotation for me.
- [Interviewer] This country provides enough resources
for the disabled community.
Three, two, one.
(bell chimes)
(people laughing)
- Are we all? Oh, okay.
- Healthcare, from my point of view,
is not made for people who
have chronic disabilities, chronic diseases.
Even if you have medical coverage,
you're still paying a portion of those bills.
It's a cycle that you put yourself in debt
so that you can't get a proper apartment or get a house.
For the people who, they count it as SSI,
so it's low income social security.
They think that you should be able to live off
of like $900 a month.
- There's also a thing with it.
You can't have more than $2,000 in your account
for checking and savings.
And as soon as you hit a cent over it,
you lose your social security
because they think you're making too much.
- So I have a chronic illness called idiopathic hypersomnia,
which is a sleep disorder.
From the onset of symptoms,
it took eight years to even get sent to a sleep doctor.
And not to mention the education system.
I'm so lucky that I have an IEP.
I couldn't imagine what school would be like if I didn't.
But even with that, getting the accommodations
of like my teachers trying to understand
that I only come to school three out of five days a week
and that I can't do busy work
because I'll fall asleep, quite literally.
I legally have these rights to not do certain work
and sometimes, teachers just don't understand that.
And it's so hard trying to argue with them
so that I can just be a normal student.
- [Interviewer] Most people
are ignorant about my disability.
Three, two, one.
(bell chimes)
- A lot of people have been so understanding
and accommodating and like, "Oh, like you know,
I heard about that from this TV show,"
or like, "Is it like this?"
Or like, you know, asking questions,
and I think people are genuinely curious.
There are people that I educate
and are still ignorant and totally meanie pants.
That's why I'm not in strongly disagree
'cause there's always gonna be haters, you know?
But I think people are good.
- So for me I would, I would agree,
but I would come from like a place of understanding
because I feel like even people with disabilities
don't understand other people with disabilities as well
because I feel like you could have
the same kind of disability, the same type,
but the way it affects you could be very different.
I have a disease called muscular dystrophy,
and that is a wide spectrum.
And so you can't really understand it
because some people,
their muscles get weaker quicker than others.
- I have spina bifida,
and the type I have is lipomyelomeningocele.
My dad served in the Vietnam War,
and a chemical called Agent Orange he came in contact with.
And that chemical caused my spina bifida.
When you learn about spina bifida,
most people think that they're wheelchair users
and it's also because the Spina Bifida Association,
they only show one narrative of it,
which is an issue in general across the disability spectrum.
I have a channel where I educate
about disability as a whole,
and even people who are trying to learn,
still wanna argue with a disabled person
when we're teaching them.
- [Interviewer] I appreciate when people offer me help.
Three, two, one.
(bell chimes)
- I use a cane on and off.
When I do have my cane,
I like that people offer me help when I'm riding the Metro
or the bus, but then it's the extra comments,
that they think they're doing like a great deed.
That they're gonna win a Noble Peace Prize,
and they'll start infantilizing me.
"Oh, you're so cute and tiny,
and you're too young to be sick."
I just don't like the extra comments with the help.
- So I moved because I think I have a little bit
of a different experience.
I am 100% physically abled so,
I don't have the need for people to open doors for me.
Like I don't need help like that.
Sometimes, I have to cancel events
and my good friends understand that.
And I feel like there's a difference
between accommodation and patronizing.
- I remember before I had my accident,
I probably was one of those people
that we were talking about.
When someone is overly enthusiastic about it,
or even sometimes unintentionally patronizing,
I try, in my experiences, to instead educate them
that I know I'm in a chair
and I know that I look like I have a lot of issues,
but trust me,
I've been out here thugging it out for a while now.
If I need help I'm, I'm not ashamed to ask for it.
- I've had strangers like come up behind me
and just start pushing me,
even though I don't necessarily need help with that.
If you're somebody that I know
and you see that I'm struggling,
then you can go ahead and probably help me wheel,
but if you don't know me at all, please don't come
up behind me and start trying to push me out of nowhere.
- It also puts us at risk of injury.
I have nerve damage in my feet, so I look down
a lot when I walk 'cause it helps me keep my balance.
And then I've had people see
that I'm like trying to get through
and they'll grab my arm to guide me,
and I almost always fall because I'm already so in my zone.
So like just don't touch people
'cause you could injure them.
- [Interviewer] Dating is difficult.
Three, two, one.
(bell chimes)
- We all in agreeance.
So for me, it's difficult on various levels.
I started having seizures when I was 18.
I became sick when I was about 16,
so I never got a license.
I never got a car.
So that impairs my ability to even go find suitors
because I don't get out of my house much.
And then being on social security,
you get paid hardly anything,
so I can't even afford to really go out and do a whole lot.
And then on top of that,
trying to explain to a man that, oh yeah,
just to let you know, I'm a full package.
It's going to have a huge effect on our relationship,
on our ability to go out, on our sex life, on everything.
- I came over here 'cause after listening to you,
there's so many things that I totally resonate with,
but then there's so many odd benefits
that I think that comes with dating and having a disability.
I got injured after a gymnastics accident
when I was 14 years old.
That left me quadriplegic.
I never got to experience being a teenager,
being wild, dating, and all of those things.
The people who have been in my life,
we really had to get to know each other
on a deeper level first
before any other physical aspects were a part of it.
Anybody disabled or able-bodied,
all we want is someone who truly loves us for us,
and this is me.
- I'm right here because dating
is not really in in my focus right now.
But I could see how hard it could be
because I may not be able to live long.
But then at the same time,
I think it could also be a good thing
because I think true love
is when you really understand each other.
- I kind of agree with that.
If I'm looking at my most recent relationship,
my partner, he was really great.
Like he took the time to understand my disability.
What made it difficult at times
was when I was having a lot of kidney issues,
and I wasn't getting the greatest news from my doctors.
And so I would be sobbing and he just had this need
that he wanted to help.
And I just told him
like, I don't need anything physically from you.
I just need you to just sit with me.
Ever since we broke up
and I've started getting back out and dating,
I will get people that will ghost me
because of looking able-passing on like dating websites,
they don't know right away and I don't share it right away
because I'd rather have a person conversation about it.
I also hate the invasive questions that come with dating.
I've been asked so many times, "Can you even have sex?"
- Or the men who fetishize it.
Oh, I've had a guy ask me to bring the cane
into the bedroom.
Just insane, ridiculous things.
- I've had guys literally say
they wanna check it off on their bucket list
to sleep with a girl in a chair, or yeah,
the invasive questions that come straight off the bat.
I don't think people really see the fact
that people with disabilities have sexual desires.
- I have a sex swing.
- That's amazing!
- It's the most accessible thing for me, and it's great.
(Taylor laughs)
Like.
- [Interviewer] I have felt like a burden.
Three, two, one.
(bell chimes)
- When it comes to my parents a lot of the time,
'cause I'm paraplegic,
I was in a car accident when I was 11.
Wheelchair accessible vehicles are very, very expensive.
So it's my parents or my brother
that often have to take me from place to place.
I know a lot of the time, they don't mind,
and my mind just takes it to that place
just because I can be a very pessimistic thinker
a lot of the time.
But I do a lot of the time feel like a burden in that way.
- I already know it's probably gonna break my mom's heart
when she watches this,
but before I could even figure out the words,
felt like a burden to my parents because they took
out so many loans before the VA finally agreed to cover me.
And they didn't agree until I stopped having back surgeries.
I still feel to a degree I'm a burden,
and I'm a result of why most of my family's in poverty,
and part of that is kind of the reason I moved
all the way to Los Angeles.
My family's on the East Coast.
And I figured if I'm not near them,
they can't take care of me.
So they're free to live however they wanna live.
I've had friends who have just left me
because they didn't wanna accommodate.
And I try to work on that of like, no, I'm out of burden,
but it's hard, sometimes.
- Yeah, I'm literally over here. Whew.
(Cambria sobs)
It's just hard with her saying.
(Cambria sobbing)
I know, I know that I'm a burden.
I would not be here without my mom.
She's a single parent
and she has sacrificed everything for me.
She has sacrificed her wellbeing,
her mental health.
I don't think that I tell her often enough how
much I appreciate her.
But I've, like listening to you,
I've lost friends because I was too much of a burden,
and I was too much of a hassle.
I always feel like a burden, but I can't stand
on that line simply because the people who love me
would hate that I feel this way
because I know that in their hearts,
I'm not a burden to them.
But I would give anything to be able to make my life
not affect others that I love negatively
the way that it has.
- Because it's the guilt that we feel with it.
'Cause it's like, my dad
is a very stereotypical Puerto Rican man.
He does not show emotions,
but I remember when I'd be screaming,
in the hospital, him fighting back tears
because I know he blames himself
because of his military service.
And I feel just guilty, like if I didn't exist,
like my parents were pregnant before me
and they lost that child, if that baby had stayed,
my dad wouldn't feel so much pain
about something he can't control about my life.
And I hate that, that I can't make their lives easier.
- It's the feeling that it's out of control,
how you're making others feel.
'Cause like usually, if you're nice,
that person's gonna feel good.
This is something that we just are,
and like it's hard enough to accept ourselves
and like asking somebody else to accept us is hard.
- [Cambria] Oh my god.
- [Andrea] Can we give you a hug?
- Please.
Thank you.
- [Interviewer] I would change my disability.
Three, two, one.
(bell chimes)
- I'm right here because it has taught me many life lessons
and it has made me a stronger person.
When I was younger, I would used to get stared at a lot,
and so that would really affect me.
But because I experienced that,
I now have the strength to realize
that how others are looking at me doesn't matter.
It's given me a lot of opportunities
to help people get out of their dark times.
Because if I never experienced depression,
I would not be able to help people with depression.
- For me, I don't have a before.
Being disabled is the only thing I've ever known.
The word itself comes with a lot of community.
It comes with a history that I'm so proud
to be a part of, that I just,
I couldn't see myself living any other way.
And like I know people will say,
"Well, there are more things about you
than just your disability.
And that's true for everyone.
There are other things about me, but everything I do,
I do as a disabled person.
And for me, that's the most empowering thing.
I would change, maybe like I wish
I could feel my feet again.
That would be great, but I really wouldn't change much
because it's given me such a community
that I don't think I would've had.
- Even though I know that I've had an impact on people,
and I can relate to people in a way
that I probably couldn't have before,
I'm in pain every second of every day.
I would give almost anything to not have that anymore.
I got sick young,
but I don't remember
what it's like not to be in pain every day.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
- I have lived both experiences, and similarly to you,
I also am in pain almost every single day.
If I were to be able to take
and swallow a pill tomorrow that would make me better,
I would still be able to take all
of the lessons and experiences that I've been able
to garner from this accident and continue to build off it
and do better things,
but I think I would be really lying to myself to say
that I wouldn't change it
because I went from being someone who literally
was as athletic as you could ever be,
flying high and doing things with my body.
And I feel very privileged to have lived that,
and I know what that feels like
and I miss it every single day.
- [Interviewer] I am living a fulfilled life.
Three, two, one.
(bell chimes)
- Not because like I don't love my life
or anything like that.
I can't say I'm fulfilled until I impact more people.
I'm working to be a motivational speaker,
and so I have a lot more to accomplish.
- Again, going back to the last question,
if I could change everything, of course,
but I think that my life and my example is starting
to help people in many different facets.
And I think part of being a good human is trying to help
as many people in your life
and I think I'm starting to do that.
- It was so nice meeting you guys.
- We all have to stay in touch.
You guys are amazing.
(bright music)
- Hello, good humans.
Thank you for sticking around to the end.
Erin, just wanted to ask you
what have you been learning kind of in directing "Spectrum"?
- I think the biggest thing for me
is there have been prompts
where I assume everybody would just agree
or disagree on that completely,
to only be surprised in the way
that people interpret the prompt.
Kind of just sheds light
on some of the ignorance I have or assumptions I have.
And I think that's the beauty of this show,
bringing education and value for people
who are not a part of the community.
- Right.
Tell us what struck you about this episode.
If you even have a personal anecdote or story,
we love hearing that,
and we love seeing this engagement in the comments below.
Make sure you follow us on Instagram as well
because that's where we're getting a lot of our prompts.
Like and subscribe and we'll see you next time.
- Thanks, guys.
(gentle music)