(upbeat music)
- Good morning, good life, welcome back to AmyTV
where we come together to go after the life you want.
Confidence is something that we need to work
to build every single day.
My personal philosophy is that you don't just
hit confident status one day,
even if it's just in one thing.
You're never really, truly all the way there,
but along the way, you pick up a little bit of confidence
as you go and you kinda like put it away
and you start collecting it and over time,
it grows to really support you and make you feel
like you can do something or you feel
like you are practiced in something.
So although it sounds great to just become
confident one day, it's really not going to happen,
we have to work toward it and build it up over time
so that it can compound and lift us up
to where we wanna be.
Now along that journey, unfortunately there are going to be
some bad habits that are gonna trip us up
as it pertains to becoming more confident over time.
So if we're gonna work really hard to collect
all the good confidence-building habits,
we need to try to avoid the bad that are holding us back.
So I wanna talk about five of those bad habits
that are keeping you from being a lot more confident.
First is a big one, over-apologizing.
Hit the like button if you can relate to over-apologizing.
I wanna say sorry all the time just because I feel
like it softens anything that I am about to say,
whether it's a text message, or in person,
or in an email, it just feels like the right thing to say.
But ultimately by apologizing way too much unnecessarily,
all the time, we take away meaning from the word.
That's a completely different issue.
We've talked about that many times here.
As it pertains to your confidence,
if you're constantly feeling like an apology
needs to be a part of an explanation for you,
or a part of anything that you're choosing to do
in your life, that is going to trip you up
from being confident.
Ultimately, if you're apologizing for something,
even if you're not sorry about it,
which again, defeats the meaning of the word,
you're truly not feeling more confident about it
because you feel like you need
to overexplain what's happening.
Lots of reasons why over-apologizing is a bad idea,
we should feel like we are doing something
because we want to do something, not that we need
to apologize for it.
When you feel yourself about to apologize
or you see yourself typing it into a text message,
take a pause and ask yourself,
is this something you actually need to apologize for,
or are you avoiding saying something
that would actually stand your ground a little bit?
Choose that route because people will learn
more about you more quickly, stop asking you
to do things you don't wanna do,
and you're gonna be more confident as to
why you're choosing what you're choosing.
Another bad habit when it comes
to your confidence is over-scrolling.
You know what I mean, just going for a little scroll.
Fun fact, I'm pretty sure that TikTok is the much worse
scroll these days.
I will scroll TikTok and two hours
will have escaped my life.
The over-scroll consumes a lot of time
and it consumes a lot of your ideas,
and what you're thinking and what you're feeling
and what should be doing or shouldn't be doing.
This happens even more so on other social networks
like Twitter or Instagram or Facebook,
we see the highlight reels and the opinions
of so many people, and so therefore,
we go down that rabbit hole and that starts
to control our mind, too.
These networks are a beautiful, beautiful thing
that have taught us a lot about expressing ourselves
and sharing ourselves with the world.
That being said, if we overconsume,
we start to forget who we are.
You cannot become more confident
if you forgot who you are, duh.
So just like I would tell you in many, many other videos
on this channel, I know that this one is one that I hit on
ad nauseum, but over-scrolling, if you're concerned
about your confidence level and your self-esteem,
spending too much time absorbing social media
over-scrolling is a bad idea.
The third bad habit and I don't know
that I would've said this a couple of years ago,
but I feel I have grown a lot in this respect,
is forgetting to smile.
Let me clarify.
If someone tells me to smile, like a random person
on the street because they feel like they know me
and what my facial expression means when I'm walking
in their direction, I am much more likely
to do the opposite, still to this day,
do not tell me to smile, I'm not even telling you
to smile when I say this.
I don't feel someone should tell you when is the right time
to smile and when you should buck up.
Now that being said, what I have noticed
about my confidence over time is that sometimes,
I'm just wearing it on the inside
and I'm not letting anyone else in on it.
I feel like I have to keep like a stern face
in order to kind of stand my ground.
But there are moments where I'm like so excited
about stuff, I feel really in my element,
speaking is a good example.
Forgetting to smile onstage when I feel like
I'm owning it and I'm up there and I'm doing my thing,
it may not come off to anyone else if I'm not giving them
the expression on my face that I hope that they're feeling
about not just my performance, but the information
that I'm sharing.
So a smile can actually do a lot of good things for you
if you don't forget to do it, especially if you want
someone to know like, I'm feeling pretty good about myself
even if I'm trying to make you think
I'm feeling good about myself and I'm a little nervous.
I'm working on my confidence and so therefore
I'm going to smile like I am owning this
until I own this.
At the end of the day, I may not like it
when someone tells me to smile, but when I go back
and I look at my work and I look at the moments
of my life that I feel have shaped how much confidence
that I have, I'm excited when I see
a little smile on my face.
The fourth bad habit when it comes to boosting confidence
is justifying your behavior.
This kinda goes hand in hand with the over-apologizing thing
we just talked about a little bit ago.
When you say things like, "I wish I could do that,
"but I don't have enough discipline,"
or, "If I were luckier, I would totally do that too,"
or, "I've always wanted to do that,
"but I don't have enough time."
You may feel that these statements are true
in your situation and therefore,
you are justifying your behavior,
but in all actuality, who are you talking to?
Most of the time when we say stuff like this,
when we feel like we have to finish out a sentence
of oh, I wish I could do that, but,
the rest of what we say is usually a story
we're telling ourselves as to why we shouldn't even
bother to try.
When you don't even bother to try,
when you don't even take the first steps,
when you don't sit and analyze like, oh, is that true,
do I not have enough time or am I just deprioritizing
its importance, you're giving yourself an opportunity
to increase your confidence when you get real
about the reason you're not doing something
or not trying something or not feeling good about something,
if you actually thought about it
and stopped trying to overexplain it.
Justification of your behavior kind of goes
in the same box as making excuses.
It's ultimately what you're doing.
When you're trying to explain why you didn't do the thing
or why you were late to the thing or why
you didn't really feel like doing the thing
or whatever the thing was that you were never
really aligned with, you're excusing yourself.
Maybe you felt someone was owed that explanation,
but what explanation do you really owe yourself?
If it's something that you are excited about
and that you really want for you, and you just don't
feel confident about it yet.
Is telling the story making you more confident in that
or making you more confident in avoiding the thing you want?
Maybe you are building confidence, but it's not
in the right thing.
And the fifth bad habit and I think that this
is a hot topic for a lot of people,
is that convincing yourself that selflessness
is the right way to go.
There are a lot of things that we can do
and be selfless in that will be productive
in our lives, and will actually be the right call,
but kinda like justifying your behavior and over-apologizing
and all these other bad habits, when we claim
we need to be selfless all the time
and not be selfish by all means possible,
we're giving ourselves again an excuse
to not do something that's right for us.
And when you are constantly saying, "I have to be selfless,
"I have to put everyone else first,
"I cannot put myself first, I can't even wake up
"on my own terms," you are not going to build
the confidence for the things that are true to you.
I'm not saying that you should be selfish
in a big way, I'm just saying that there are moments
of your day and of your life that are absolutely
worthy of you focusing on yourself, solely,
allowing yourself to be with yourself,
be alone with yourself, your thoughts,
your plans, your ideas, your vision
so that you can carve out the time
for things that are important to you
and then therefore build confidence in those things.
You don't need to be selfish to show care for yourself
and you can certainly be selfless in your life
and show selfless acts when you are true to who you are.
It all comes back to did you take care of yourself
so that you can help to take care of everyone else?
Question of the day, which one of these bad habits
is holding you back from building confidence yourself?
I'm personally working on smiling more,
I'd like to see that for myself,
and also justification of my behavior.
I find that I end up leaning on that way too often.
Share what you're working on in the comments down below.
That's all for today.
Thank you so much for tuning in,
I appreciate it as always.
Remember, subscribe for good vibes,
kiss the ones you love,
and go after the life you want.
Cheers.
(beep)
You can't put that in there, Becca.
That's not an eligible blooper.
(claps)
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
Hello!
What is, why am I losing these words in my brain?
(calm music)
Ah, justification of your behavior goes in that box with,
oh my god, I keep wanting to say complaining
and that's not what I'm saying.
Excuses, excuses, excuses.
Oh my god.
TikTok rabbit hole, oh my gosh, like there's so many
things about it that are good and bad.
(snaps)
Did we get it?
Let's double check, shall we, thanks.