G'day, A.J. Mahari here the world situation lockdowns and reverse hoovers wow you know it's
happening a lot for so many people and i wonder you know if if you're one of those people or
you know your country or your area has just gone back into lockdown or may well be doing so soon
and you're like i don't know how to cope with this you know so many people in all kinds of different
situations having so much trouble trying to cope with this obviously it makes everything about
bpd relationship breakup harder to deal with because people with codependency
to varying degrees not everybody's the same have issues about being alone many people do
and then being alone alone like if you're you know kept away from friends or family
due to a lockdown is a very unnatural or yeah still a natural situation
and it increases people's difficulty in dealing with their own emotions because many of the
things that many people would have done or can still do to some degree but many can't
it would normally be distractions would be maybe pleasurable things to do people are having to cope
with all this pain without those things and without a lot of contact
with maybe people that are supportive too even if they don't understand what you're going through
so just want to make mention again of the support group i have coming up please check
it out at hmr.co it might really be helpful for you and if you're feeling like you're going to
reverse hoover or you're getting hoovered and like you want to answer back but you know
it's not the best thing for you maybe a support group would really help you
the other thing i'm here to say is just that there is such an increase in whether it's the bpd x or
x's of bpd reverse hearing or hoovering contact and attempts being made again and again and again
and and this is exponentially going up by so many people some comments of the channel but for other
reasons i know this and you know working with clients et cetera which you can't talk about
but the thing is it's so compelling it's so difficult it depends where you are and how long
you know since the breakup or if you've been able to go no contact full no contact and stay there
but like a video i did a couple weeks ago or so about a reverse hoover from someone
who commented on the channel after a year of no contact so i think people really need to
to stop and think about how are you being affected by the world situation
how is that impacting things that you would normally do to help yourself cope at this point
in time wherever you are whatever that means to you after bp relationship breakup or being ghosted
and and what is making it worse for you besides the obvious because people are struggling more
people are reverse hoovering more people are maybe not getting hoovered more in some cases
getting hoovered more by some people bpd because i think the way people are thinking maybe without
not everyone's the same maybe without being consciously aware of it
is kind of like well the world is like the world is right now it's really hard to meet
people and a lot of places are in different restrictions to lockdown and then what do you do
and yeah there's always talking to people online etc but if they're new people and you're just
fresh out of a bpd relationship it's not really a good idea and people are having trouble having
you know finding people that understand in your life even friends and family that care about you
and love you they just don't get it so that's another reason for the support group and i hope
people will check out hmard.com the information is up there um the first one is coming up this in
four days and it's going to be a group every week and it might not be the best time for
everybody everywhere but i can work on adjusting that but the main reason for doing this video is
to just say that you really need to be cognizant of this you really need to be mindful about this
you really need to kind of sit down if you haven't already and if you feel like you're on the verge
of answering a hoover or reverse hoovering for any reason but especially this you know what's
going on in the world reason where people are starting to think like i said i don't know if you
people rationalize it rationalize it out all the time but well like i can't meet anyone else right
now or i can't kind of go here go there go do this go do that um restricted in other activities that
might help you just you know um in distraction and things that you would like to do and maybe working
from home maybe you know a lot of different scenarios for people and then people start
thinking well so maybe that scorched earth of the bpd relationship looks better in comparison to
the isolation that a lot of people are going through that only really exacerbates
the loneliness of people with codependency and on top of if you're still in that place of
a newer place or if you've been stuck for a little while with all due respect that place of like be
twix in between and on your own and feeling really badly about yourself maybe consciously
or unconsciously about being alone and maybe an inability for some people with codependency
they really don't know how to be alone and in this world situation people are turning to alcohol
turning to drugs as some people are under eating some people are overeating people are having
difficulty sleeping all of this is exacerbating the many many different aspects of pain
and struggles that people have to cope after these relationship breakups in general so
just you know doing this video to remind you about the support group but also you know at
hmhar.com you can check out all the details etc but also to say that you need to be mindful to
what are you feeling what do you what where are you at in your own process and you know
i'm out here to work one-on-one sessions with people as well that's aj my heart ca for that
but what can you do you know to help yourself out in those compelling moments given that you
might be in pain and having a lot of rumination more than not what can you do in the meantime
to really help yourself what with the isolation and different lockdowns in different areas and the
way the world is and the pain and the cognitive dissonance and all that goes on and and more
after you've been you know with somebody with vpd or a narcissist and after the relationship break
up or you were ghosted or discarded and what do you do now when maybe you're facing the day
or a lot more time alone you know depending where you live in the world right now i've had a lot of
clients talking about this of course can't really talk about that but i just know what's happening
for a lot of people it's probably happening for a lot more people than i've talked to about it
recently for sure and there's been comments on the channel comments and live streams here so i
really want you to think about where whatever the situation is where you live
how is that or is it not but how if it is how is it impacting what's an already
really difficult coping process for you and are you going to be able to be no be
full no contact stay full no contact or are you starting to feel compelled or a lot of impulses
ruminating ruminating is increasing this is you know these are signs to watch for along
with others that you're getting close to trying to reverse hoover or if they hover you you're getting
closer to engaging it they just can't emphasize enough how much this is compromising people's
ability to cope after these relationships so please take care of yourself out there
and know that even though we're all living in uncertainty in the world and it's very stressful
for people to varying degrees that on top of your pain and on top of what you're trying to
maybe just barely are you starting out in the process of trying to recover from this maybe
you're just becoming aware you have codependency maybe you know this but you're kind of stuck
or you were doing well and if your country goes back into lockdown then maybe it's going to be
much more stressful so coping techniques and tools and skills and i'm here to help people you know
if you want to book a session with me at hmr.ca to talk about all of that
and anything else to do with the relationship breakup and healing codependency so be mindful
of this please and you need to devise devise coping mechanisms so that you it's like a
strategy a plan of strategy before you get to that last straw where you're going to reverse hoover
or before you get a hoover that you might well know you don't want to engage
intellectually you know that but you know that emotionally so just something for people to think
about and once again please check ajmahar.co for the upcoming support group weekly one beginning
this weekend and going forward because i think a lot of people will find just talking about this
and sharing with each other really helpful so in the meantime please be mindful wherever you are in
your process and your journey and remember that going around again doesn't work out any better
than the first time it really doesn't because people bpd need so much time to if they're in
therapy to heal and to change or to to at least begin to make some changes so if you reverse
hoover or you accept a hoover and you end up back with and cycles go faster and you're gonna get
you know chewed up and spit out again and then you're gonna be at ground zero and you might
some people might be there right now and it's so painful
so realize that the struggle that many are going through that you might be going through
it's so important not to cave in so i shouldn't say came in but it's so important not to try to
reverse uber or accept a hoover and think that somehow it's going to make it better because if
it makes it better it could be only for hours or a half a day or a very brief point in time and
then you're going to be back in the same place only even more devastated so the uncertainty of
the world the world situation everything is going on with that whatever you think it is it isn't to
all those things it's really making bpd relationship recovery codependency recovery
healing from these relationships it's exacerbating people's difficulty with coping with sleeping
with taking care with not seeking substances and other ways of escaping and it's really important
to know that escaping or reverse hoovering or accepting a hoover and getting back with an ex
they're all going to take you in a direction that you don't need to go in the direction
it's going to cause you more pain so think about that today if in fact you're somebody who's really
on the birds on the edge and stressed by your situation what you're going through anyways which
is enough and then on top of that what's going on in the world it really is making sorry not make
it really is leading to people impulsively making really poor decisions for themselves so take care