Well hey there ya sussy little gamer.
Welcome back to the gaming store.
This one's gonna be a little bit of a quicker trip for you, okay?
First of all, what are you here for?
I know, I know. You don't have to tell me.
You are here for the Rock Band adapter.
Luckily I had one just in stock for you, so here you go.
There you go. And what else are you looking for today?
You're looking for something a little more handheld? Okay, well, perfect.
I have all the latest options for you.
Alright. Oooh. Oooh.
This one comes with Pokémon Gold. Okay.
Game Boy Advance SP. Just for you. Just for you. Just for you.
Something a little more modern? Hmm, okay.
Well, I would offer you the Nintendo DS but you know...
They kinda break really easily for some reason.
Umm.. so I would offer you that but I could also just offer you...
this one. The 2DS. Impossible to break. It is child-friendly. Just for you.
So maybe you might like that instead.
You want something a little less complicated? I understand.
Um, may I offer you '20 Questions'?
Okay. This is the console of the century.
Console of the century, and it comes in this uh,
limited edition iridescent purple.
Okay. Well, I'll go ahead and ring that up for you.
And let's get you some games. You guys still play the N64, right?
Okay, we got Rayman 2.
Okay. We've got Star Wars Episode I: Racer.
Okay. These are the pod racers or whatever they call 'em these days.
We also have Tony Hawk's Pro Skater.
Whoever Tony Hawk is, I don't know.
Okay, then for your DS. Well, we've got oooh...
You know, I think you might like this.
Big Brain Academy. You seem like you got a pretty big brain.
Yeah, big brain. Just for you.
And we've also got... Oh! Imagine Babyz.
Yeah! Who doesn't want to imagine babies?!
Okay. So, lemme go ahead and ring ya up.
I'll just use my controller here.
And... that'll be $200. Thank you so much for stopping in at the gaming store.
You go gamer!
Welcome to Fastest Airlines, where we get you there faster than anyone else.
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Today we'll be cruising at a comfortable 5000ft.
Please note your nearest exit route and scrutinize the people sitting in the seats next to it.
Do they look capable? Are you comfortable putting your lives in their hands
in the unlikely event of evacuation?
Please look at the card in the seat in front of you.
We will be landing before you finish reading it.
Please, for the love of God, do not remove your shoes or socks on this flight.
It is more likely than you think.
In the unlikely event of loss of cabin pressure,
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Please fight amongst yourselves for the closest one.
Breathe in and breathe out.
Even though the bag is not inflating, you may or may not receive oxygen.
We will be offering snacks and beverages to-go on this flight.
If you're interested, simply open your mouth and we will pour it in as we hustle by with the cart.
Remember to stay seated, and we hope you enjoy flying with us today.
Don't forget to sign up for our rewards points if you want to leave the plane upon landing.
Thanks! And have a great flight.
Why hello! I am so happy to be your architect today because ooooo...
Oh my God. This house needs some work.
Okay, so here's your floor plan. Here's what you got.
This is your floor plan right now.
Now, I'm seeing a bunch of problems with it. A bunch of problems.
First of all, these. All these. You see this?
Yeah... They're walls. Okay?
Not here. Not in 2021.
We're gonna knock down all of these walls, and create a more open floor plan.
We're gonna make it so much more open, maybe a little like, modern country style,
you know what I mean?
So just take out all this wall, this wall, this wall, this wall.
Yes, absolutely. We're taking down bathroom walls. Having walls in the bathroom is
so 2020, and I wouldn't be caught dead with bathroom walls anymore.
We could put up a nice vine. A couple of vines or so, to make it a little bit more
of like a jungle experience.
But that's what we're gonna do. Make a more open floor plan. Okay?
Now...
Look at this graph. Okay?
I want you to look at this graph. You see it?
You see these circles?
Yeah, with this, I can make perfect circles.
Okay? And that's why you should trust me as your architect.
So don't question anything I do.
I will be taking at LEAST 9 extra months to finish this project.
And then *BAM*, your house will be looking as good as these circles...
That you can definitely see right now.
Alright, first I'm gonna need to measure a little bit of your house, okay?
So you go over there, and I'm gonna measure this wall.
Okay, that's more than 12 inches.
And that is more than 12 inches. Ooh...
I see you're going to need some work. Good thing I brought my
handy-dandy tool that will help me measure this house to...
build it up for you, Okay?
So, what do you think? Are you happy with the floor plan?
You want more bathrooms? You want more bathrooms, you can never get enough bathrooms.
I totally agree.
I think we should probably convert every single room
into a bathroom.
Toilet, sink, shower, rug. Okay?
Every single room will be a bathroom.
Hybrid, no walls. Perfect. I'm glad we're on the same page.
Why hello there! I am so excited to babysit for your child today!
Is that your baby? Oooh she's so cute. Can I hold her?
Oh thank you so much!
Oh wah wah wah wah wah!
She doesn't look anything like you. She's adorable!
Okay. Oh! Do you wanna borrow my pacifer?
Yeah you can borrow my personal one! Here you go.
Oh, she and I are gonna get along great.
So is this your first time hiring a babysitter?
Is she your first child?
Well don't you worry because I know everything about kids. I know absolutely everything.
I know you have to feed 'em.
You feed 'em Animal Crackers. Boom. Bam. Done.
She looks old enough to eat Animal Crackers, yeah.
Ehh ya know, doctors will tell ya this, will tell ya that but, trust your babysitter.
Trust your babysitter.
Uhh, we can play games all day.
I can rattle this thing for 8 hours straight.
I tested it myself.
Uhh, we can play with bath toys.
We could take a bath. I could bathe the child. Maybe, perhaps.
But we could just play with bath toys outside of the bath as well.
And then I love to enrich our experiences with the babysitting,
so I'll be reading her so many books to really get that little brain going.
Get those things uh, ya know?
We can read her dinosaurs. 'Never touch a dinosaur'.
You know, that's very sound advice.
Uhh, we could read... Ooh, this one's a great one.
'Wiggles'. Okay? I love wiggles. Babies love wiggles. We all love wiggles.
Or, I could read her umm, well, the existential tragicomedy,
'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead' by Tom Stoppard.
This one... She's gonna love it.
Ah, fantastic! Well, you go ahead and have fun, wherever you're going.
I will be here. Okay? Have fun!
She's in safe hands. Okay, bye-bye!
Well hey there. Welcome to the Dollar Store.
Did you find everything alright? You ready to checkout? Okay.
Did you bring your own bag? Wow! What an amazing citizen you are.
Okay, so let's check you out here.
Okay, so everything in the store is $1. Have you been here before?
You haven't?
Did you find some good stuff? Well, let's see!
Ahh, Pop Rocks. Very nice. That'll be $1.
Ooh, some decorative eggs. Very cute!
Just $1... each! Hahaha.
Okay. Then we've got... Ooh, what's this? Some sort of thing in a net?
Wooah! A fidget toy? Just a dollar!
Get in there!
Then we have... Oop, one yellow highlighter.
Very convenient. That'll be $1.
Okay, next we have a... Guy Fieri...
visor. $1.
Ha, what aisle did ya find that in? Hahaha.
Then we have a...
vial of curious potion?
Okay. $1.
Umm, we've got... Oh my!
An Oculus! Just... just $1.
Is that... Is that a real diamond?
Okay, uhh... engagement ring. $1.
Congratulations.
Umm... Oh! Haha... my old hair extensions.
$1.
And umm... Ah! Yes...
A United States of America passport. Of course!
Just $1. Okay, you ready to checkout?
You want the shirt off my back? Alright, well...
that'll be $1.
Alright, are you ready to get your picture taken?!
No, you know what? Don't say a word, because in fact,
that outfit screams that you're ready to get your picture taken.
It must be captured by photograph right now.
So go ahead, strike a pose!
Oh! You're a natural, c'mon.
Alright, good scene.
Go ahead, look angry at me. Look angry. Look angry at the camera.
Okay, now look happy, Happy. Oh, you discovered the 8th Wonder of the World.
Oh my gosh, you are a natural! Oh! Work it, work it!
Oh my God! Turn around. Spin. Let's get some motion. Let's get some motion going.
Mhm, show it off. Show it all off. Lemme see that. Okay.
How has nobody signed you yet?! Okay.
Look over.
Okay. What's that over there?! Yeah, perfect, perfect, perfect.
Now, pout. Pout. Lemme see that pout.
Mhm. Oh, perfect. Perfect. Now look scared. Look scared.
Someone just broke into your home!
Oh! Perfect, perfect, perfect.
Now, gimme a nice closed lip, demure smile.
Let me get those glamor shots.
Okay, pose. Pose.
Yeah, improv. Go for it. Whatever feels good, whatever feels natural.
Yeah, you are absolutely killin' it.
Okay... I think we got it.
Wow... school pictures get crazier every year.
You said you're the history teacher?
You should quit your day job.
Hell- Ooooh my God.
Okay, I see why I was called.
Don't worry, I have all of my stuff with me today.
Oooh... when's the last time you disinfected?
Okay, when's the last time you tidied up? Cleaned? Scrubbed? Anything?
You know what? It's fine. I'm a professional.
I got this. I'll just put my big ol' glove on here.
Okay, so we're gonna start by just clearing out some of the floor space.
You do have a floor under here, don't ya? Hahahaha.
Okay, um...
Very nice. Delicious.
Okay well, I see that there was some...
It's fine.
Well, don't worry. I got you.
Just gonna throw that there and, oh...
Oh, do you want this banana? You didn't eat it. You didn't eat the banana. Okay.
Well, next time.
Alright, I'm gonna go ahead and give everything a big ol' spray down here.
And then we're gonna do a little bit of dusting, okay? So go ahead and stand back.
I told you if you didn't stand back you were gonna get dusted.
Okay.
I might need a couple more of these. Okay. Oh my gosh.
When's the last time you dusted again?
You know what? Don't tell me, don't tell me.
Alright, next we're gonna do a little bit of scrubbing.
Okay. We gotta get this scrubbed. I'm gonna start scrubbing the floors.
Stand back again.
You know what? I'm gonna have to go get my industrial stuff.
Before I do that though,
we're just gonna give it a healthy bit of Febreze, okay? This is gonna hold us down.
This is gonna hold us down for the time being.
Okay.
That's all I can do. I'll be back.
Why hello there. Welcome to the florist.
I have flowers on flowers on flowers. What can I get you today?
Some flowers? Hahaha, haven't heard that one before.
Okay so, what are you looking for?
Did someone get a date? Did someone die?
Is it an anniversary? A birthday? A party?
What kind of a special occasion are you looking for?
That's totally gonna depend on what flower you're going to get.
So, here we have some chrysanthemums.
Some mums. Okay.
As you can see they're a very dense flower.
This is good for really an occasion.
Now, I have some nice light pink and this is going brighten up the room.
*laughs*
You walk in with this like "Woah!"
Luckily for you, these are very affordable flowers.
You can get a nice big bouquet and impress everybody.
Or we could go with a nice... here we go.
Sunshine bouquet! Oh yes, isn't that just an adorable name?
We've got lilies. Give this a sniff. Go ahead, sniff it.
Really inhale that. Yeah, you smell that? Me too.
So, we've got rose, we've got lilies, we got...
I don't even know what these are, I just shoved them in!
So, this bouquet is great for any happy occasion OR a sad occasion, to make it happy!
You can't go wrong!
Finally, we have our classic dozen roses.
Ooh, how sensual. How alluring. How romantic.
Or, you can give them to your mom for Mother's Day, you know?
Who knows? Not me!
So, you could get all three of these bouquets right now for like, $200! That's it!
Give me your credit card. Give me your credit card, c'mon.
Don't you want all these flowers?
Perfect! Thank you!
Hello. I heard you need a new song composed for your new movie that's coming out?
Well, luckily for you, I am the master of all things music.
I would be willing to compose a song for you, right here, right now,
if you are willing to pay the rush fee.
Okay, sit down.
Now, what are you looking for? Something romantic? Something inspiring?
Something epic? Something cinematic?
Something sad? Something umph, you wanna make someone cry?
You make someone wanna feel? You make someone wanna love?
Okay? I think we'll just wrap all that up in one little package, okay?
Alright, here we go. You sit back, I'm gonna do my magic.
Okay, gotta work on these levels here.
Okay, and...
Um, we are going to
start recording.
Did you like that? Yeah, I thought you would. Okay.
Now we're gonna add in a little backing track here.
Okay, here we go.
Okay, that's good. And then we just need a sweeping harmony,
and that's gonna be like this:
Alright, now I just have to mix it altogether...
Okay, by touching all of these knobs.
And that is going to give us our perfect song.
And... exporting.
Here we go. You ready to hear your song?
Okay.
Hello! Pick up for uhh...
Yup, perfect. Alright, you're gonna go ahead and get in the car, but before you do...
Put on a mask!
Come on, get with the program!
Disgusting!
Alright, you comfortable back there?
You want me to turn the AC on? The heat on?
Heated seat? I don't have heated seats.
Okay, so, tell me where you wanna go.
That's down the street.
I respect that. I respect that, I don't wanna walk anywhere either.
Okay, let's get going.
You like music?
Well my radio's broken so... I can sing for you?
I can do Spice Girls, I can do Britney, I can do Harry Styles.
No? Okay, you know what? I don't blame you.
Could I offer you some uhh... some gum?
Would you like some gum?
Would you like some candy from a strangers' car?
Yeah? How about some water?
Really tryna get those 5 stars these days.
Yeah, all the other competition's really stiff out here.
Well my brother-in-law has a great idea for an app so...
*laughs*
You know?
What'd you do today?
Architect meeting? Babysitter?
Music composer?! You got on a flight?!
Oh my gosh! What kind of crazy day are you having?
Alright well, where are you heading next if you don't mind me asking?
You don't say? Well, have a great time!
Yeah. Well, if you could gimme 5 stars, that would be great.
I promise I'll give you 5 too. Pinky promise.
Perfect. Alright, have a great day!
Get out of my car!