I heard that you're doing this thing,
which totally plays into what we're talking about,
but that over COVID you got sort of into
sustainable farming.
Oh yeah.
And this sounds so you.
Farming seems a little-
I'm try-
I'm not a farmer let me just say,
but yes, go on.
Can I just say, you're wearing overalls right now.
That's true.
You are. You are wearing overalls.
It's really taken on a lifestyle.
Okay. Go on. Yes, my sustainable farming.
Well, no, I'm curious because,
I know that I'm-
I'm a very impatient person,
and Sona I know you're a very impatient-
You could not sustainably farm.
I couldn't do it.
You'd be shouting-
You want it like-
wait, what would I be shouting?
You'd be, like, shouting at the plants,
like two days into it,
like "when do I get to eat you?"
Would you- do you have a knack for it?
No, I don't, but I-
I happen to have bought some good soil.
That's my- I honestly have like a black thumb.
Everything takes way longer to grow than you think.
I'm super grateful for grocery stores.
We would all be dead
if we were living off of my sustainable farming skills.
(laughing)
So let me say that first and foremost.
We'd all dead.
We'd have no food,
maybe a strawberry.
But the experience that it has given us has been
like we thought we were gonna kind of just do it
a little bit over COVID,
and then it just kind of stuck.
I'll tell you a story.
I was like, "you know what?"
We were in Canada,
and I became friends with this woman named Judith
who was in the house next door to us.
And she was lovely towards our kids.
She was like a grandma and she took our kids on
and would take 'em to the library.
Like she was this beautiful older woman.
And so she farmed on her rooftop,
and she would grow these unbelievable tomatoes.
I mean tomatoes that I have-
I was like, "this is what a tomato's supposed taste like."
She goes, "Okay, you have to go to,"
It was something like heirloomtomatoes.com,
and I was like, "Judith."
She goes, "No, I swear."
So I do.
I go on heirloomtomatoes.com,
and I buy every strand I can to grow in a region.
They all took.
I didn't do anything.
I planted them.
I put some soil, I watered,
I learned that you have to water the ground,
not the actual plant.
You learn a little bit of things,
but now I'm only in one business.
So I'm only in the tomato business.
Like I have no other-
I'm not the smartest at figuring it out.
So like at one point I grew hundreds of carrots.
Hundreds.
No one needs hundreds of carrots all at once.
Right. Right.
So I feel like my timing on my farming is questionable.
But we did grow tomatoes, carrots, zucchinis,
watermelon I'm still growing 'cause I, I-
I don't know why but it's taken like nine months,
corn, which we harvested,
and then we grew soybean beans for-
to like nourish the ground, not to actually eat.
Which soybeans grow like weeds.
Wait, so it sounds like you're quite good at this.
No, I'm really not though. I swear, like
if something goes wrong I either Google or call my gardener,
like I don't know enough.
Well, you're on your way.
I mean we started over COVID,
we started composting,
and my wife got really-
Liza got really into it,
and what I didn't realize is it's all about the worms.
Yeah.
In your- and so she kept going out to check on the worms
and make sure the worms were okay,
and it got to the point where it's like,
okay it's, you know, it's time to watch our HBO Max show
or our Netflix show,
and she'd be like, "I gotta go check on the worms."
(chuckling)
And then I realized that I was fighting for attention-
Yeah.
From my wife, with worms.
I knew that's where this was headed.
And it was- yeah, but it was-
it enraged me 'cause there was-
there's been like 18 years of,
"Okay we have these kids and I understand that I'm second
to these children and that they come first."
You got replaced by worms.
I got replaced by worms.
The timing is interesting.
Yeah.
I know, I know exactly.
She saw that they're like getting ready to leave the nest
and she said "Anything, anything,
it doesn't even have to be sentient.
It doesn't have to have consciousness
or a soul."
Just worms.
We all have this fantasy of not needing to go anywhere,
like I don't need to go to the supermarket.
Yeah.
We still do.
I'm not- this is- you know.
And also all the things I like can't be grown.
Right.
Yeah, exactly.
But we also- are we try- when we built our house,
we try to make it as off the grid as the city would let us.
So we are, well water,
can't drink it but we do everything else with well water,
and then we're fully 100% solar-powered.
Oh wow.
Why can't you drink the well water?
It's just not drinkable quality.
Yeah. Okay.
The city doesn't recommend it,
but you can like use it to-
you can do all- like you can use-
You can irrigate with it.
You can do everything you need to do with it.
So that- yeah, exactly.
So we try to be super sustainable.
Did you buy a property specifically
'cause you knew it had a well?
No.
It was just there?
You randomly dig.
I swear, you spend 5- it's $5,000,
$5,000 and they go, "yeah, well $5,000 a shot."
And they honestly come with some tools
something and they go, "Mm, there."
Oh no.
No, no. I- I've had experience with this years ago where
I lived in a place that you could dig a well and you-
someone comes out, and they dig the well,
and you pay them to dig the well,
you know, with with- with a giant drill that drills down.
But they dig the well, they're there all day and they go,
"Yep. Nothing there."
Yeah.
"So you owe me 5,000."
(laughing)
Literally, you like-
it's weird, but you're just like,
"Oh maybe he'll find the, the aquifer. I don't know."
We got lucky and the guy happened to have-
we wait, we didn't know.
We could have struck out and had nothing,
but we're like, "let's just try and see."
Oh.
And so we dug a hole and they're like, "Yeah, you got it."
And we were like, "Whoa. It happened."
But it's a- it's a crapshoot.
Do you have critters? Do you have like-
Tons.
What kind of critters do you have?
Not including like rats, mice, like the- like that?
I include rats and mice as critters.
They're all God's creatures.
They were on the arc with Noah.
I wish they weren't.
(laughing)
Noah let everyone on.
He was like, "What?
No, we need a male and female COVID."
Yeah.
"Noah, you don't need to bring in-"
"Nope. We gotta bring 'em all in."
Yeah. Some could have been exed out.
What do we have?
All right, I'll tell you about the serious sightings.
We have rattlesnakes.
We have-
Oh okay. That I'm not doing.
I- I can't do rattlesnakes.
I- I can't either.
It's not like I- I don't disagree.
It's awful.
It's terrifying.
Yep.
I- I'm gonna name drop here, but I had a-
A fancy friend that you text back.
Text back immediately.
Pee-wee Herman invited me over to his-
we were gonna go out to dinner.
He said, "Yeah, just stop by my house."
And so I walk up and his house is like, it's all kind of
he's got lots of plants and everything everywhere and it's-
it feel- it's- it's very kind of natural.
And so you're making your way through this narrow path,
and it's lots of, you know, shrubs that have grown out,
and you get to the door,
and I finally got to the door,
and I knocked on the door, and he let me in, and we chatted
for a little bit and then he was like, "Okay
it's time to go."
And he stepped outside, and he put on giant special boots,
and I said, "What are those for?"
And he said, "Oh, rattlesnakes all over the place.
So when I walked to the car, I wear these," and I said-
and it was the same path that I had just come up on,
and I'm not, I'm- you know, wearing, you know
open-toed sandals and short shorts
'cause that's how I roll.
With little dead mice hanging off them.
Yeah, exactly.
With bacon wrapped around them.
And I was like, "Paul you didn't-"
and he was like, "Oh you're probably okay."
Well that- that seems excessive.
Okay. So it's not like we have ours, just like,
greeting you at the door,
but we've had like two on our property this year
and then tons of gopher snakes.
You don't care about those.
They're good.
They kind of eat all the mice and rats.
We did see like a mouse outside.
And then we have bunnies.
We have a big bunny population in our backyard.
Is a bunny just a rabbit, it's just a nicer term?
Yeah. It's a cute term for rabbit.
Yeah. Bunny. It's a rabbit.
All right. I didn't know if there was a separate, like
in children's books, they're a bunny.
Like kitty.
It's like kitty.
But there's a hare.
And a hare has those big flop ears.
We don't have those.
We definitely have like the cottontail wild bunnies.
Okay.
Then we have a bobcat.
We have a mountain lion.
We have a family of deer,
and one of the deers this year had a baby on our property.
Which is interesting cause we-
I love that.
It's all beautiful,
but we have dogs who don't find it as beautiful
as one would.
And so the dogs had to get the short end of the stick.
Once the baby was born we were like,
"You cannot go outside. I'm sorry."
And so the dogs had to be constantly like shepherd away
until the baby was like old enough to jump the fence back.
I have a, this is gonna sound like a bit but it's not,
I've had like a weird fantasy about wrestling
like a bobcat, fighting a bobcat in the wild.
You've brought it up a number of times.
I have. I've brought it up.
That's weird.
I mountain bike up in the hills,
and people have told me,
"Oh yeah, on this trail sometimes you run across
like a mountain lion or a bobcat" and I'm like
"Man that's a way to go."
Like if I jumped off- if I just jumped off my bike and-
You would- you want to?
I don't really want to, but there's part of me
that thinks about it a lot like me and a bobcat going at it,
because then I think I'd get the respect that I'm long-
No, you'll die so fast.
I know, but think about the funeral.
People are like, "he was-"
An idiot.
They'll be like, he's an idiot.
I mean, Conan, that's not the way you want to go.
Really?
You think it would all be idiot?
Wouldn't anybody-?
No.
Wouldn't Johnny Knoxville be like,
"Man, I gotta go to that funeral."
I think you're also thinking of a mountain lion,
'cause a bobcat is basically like this big.
Yes, the little one. I want the little one.
You want the little one?
I wanna fight a very small animal.
(laughing)
A house cat perhaps?
Yes.
I'm constantly trying to-
We have two cats.
I'm constantly trying to corner and fight.
Yeah, there you go.
You can train.
Yeah.
That's normal.
(laughing)
You're right.
We gotta get the size of the animal correct.
Yeah.
What if I'm killed by an animal that literally is about
like eight inches long and,
then no one's coming to my funeral.
A Guinea pig.
A Guinea pig?
(chuckling)
He got mauled by a Guinea pig.
Yeah. Conan got into it with a-
There was a hamster that got loose
from an elementary school.
And still he was a bit much.
Conan got off of his bike.
Oh my god.
The hamster thought "Conan's a bit much.
He seems a little coked up,"
and they fought, and Conan lost.