Oh, 16 years old.
Wellington, New Zealand.
Thinking about, that girl who
played basketball in school.
Kristen was her name.
That's the problem with Irish alcohol.
Yeah, memories.
Memories come flooding back and you do stupid things.
You do stupid things.
It reminds you of stupid things.
F**k it.
Where's Kristen?
Hey everybody, what you doing?
Hey.
I don't care.
I'm Taika.
I'm Michael.
Yay!
You are watching...
Snack Wars.
And it's the New Zealand versus Ireland edition
on...
LADbible.
Boom!
Oh.
There we go.
These are so right.
It's a winner.
Ah, Tui.
This is a classic New Zealand beer.
Listen, no offense to the Tui.
You don't need to.
Can we get a couple of glasses?
Yeah.
Waste not, want not.
When I'm at home, yeah.
Don't drink it really abroad.
It doesn't travel very well, unfortunately.
We were just having this conversation today.
He's looking at me like...
It's all he talks about.
He's like, "This guy, I can't wait to get out of here."
[Michael] It is, and you know, people don't believe it
until they go there and then they're like,
"Oh yeah, you weren't just saying that."
Not bad.
Well, I mean you can't get it wrong with the can.
They're not bad, actually, the cans, either.
Cheers.
No point.
There's no point.
It's the greatest beer in the world.
We all know that.
Listen, I'll help them out.
I'll throw them a bone and say,
"Hey, buy some Tui if you want."
It's a funny little bird.
Oh, for God's sakes...
If it makes the people at Tui happy.
Make it our sponsors at Tui.
We don't owe them anything.
I mean, not bad for a lager, but no competition.
Oh yeah.
It's great.
That's a good summer's day barbecue beer.
This is a good rainy October...
For writing a poem.
Lamenting everything that ever happened to you in your life.
Lost relationships.
And the lives before.
Not f**king Baileys.
I forgot about that.
I saw it earlier on.
Totally forgot.
Lothlorien feijoa and manuka honey wine.
Lothlorien, if you really want
to get somebody in the mood.
Oh, it's open.
Watch out.
That's a liqueur, sort of a sweet wine sort of deal?
You know what a feijoa is?
It's a type of tree fruit, I'm guessing,
originally from South America,
but they grow like wildfire in New Zealand
and they're delicious.
"Alcohol may cause health problems."
Tell me about it.
I don't even know what Baileys is made from.
Cream.
Children.
The cream of the river.
Children's dreams.
The label's not helping me, either.
Siphoned out Irish children's
dreams at an early age.
The tears.
Bottled at the source.
The tears of children, goats.
There's definitely a goat in here.
Tears of kids, which is baby goats.
[Michael] Goat's tears.
I love Baileys, but I haven't drank it in years.
Which one should we go for first?
I mean, because the palate is going to be affected.
The palate is gonna be completely f**ked with.
Milk.
Let's try this first.
Cheers.
Jesus.
F**king A.
That's like socks.
That's like if somebody had socks
and they went through a swamp
and then just wringed them out.
Oh, listen, that's terrible.
It's terrible.
These guys, Lothlorien,
they make a fantastic sparkling version of this.
I'm gonna hide it behind the bottle right now,
because that's a bit too sweet.
Okay.
Tout de suite.
Oh, 16 years old.
Wellington, New Zealand.
Thinking about, thinking about that girl.
Here they go, played basketball in school.
She was a bit of a tomboy, but I loved it.
Kristen was her name.
Ah, that's bringing back memories.
Wonder what she's doing now.
I've gotta find out.
That's the problem with Irish alcohol.
Yeah, memories. Memories come flooding back
and you do stupid things.
Reminds you of stupid things.
F**k it.
Where's Kristen?
Baileys gotta win that.
Baileys gotta win, for sure.
Here's where you've gone wrong.
Have you got another piece of toast there?
I'm gonna show you guys once and for all how to use Marmite.
That is where the world goes wrong.
Too much on it.
It's too much.
You need another knife.
You can see there's no Marmite lovers in the room.
And the toast needs to be hot.
Obviously it's not, so I'll just make do like this.
Okay guys, listen, here we go.
Okay, that much.
I don't know why you need a giant tub.
You don't need, that will last three years.
This much, okay?
And then you just do this.
Okay, and that is plenty.
Just like that, okay?
Very strong.
It's an aromatic yeast spread,
the doctor told me,
and a little goes a very, very long way, okay?
Fantastic.
This is Ballymaloe Original Relish.
I always thought that it needs to go on something.
"Delicious with cheese, sandwiches, cold meats and burgers."
At no point on there does it say 'delicious
on a dry piece of cabin bread'.
I think it's a bit of a tricky one here.
We can't really compare them.
Yeah, it's sweet.
It's like a pickle.
It's a relish.
It's good, isn't it?
It really is good, but I think it's as an accompaniment.
I don't think it's in the same category,
but I appreciate what you're doing,
because we don't have something to replicate the Marmite.
You don't have yeast?
We don't have yeast issues.
I've never been a great Marmite fan,
but I do appreciate the Marmite.
It's very unique in its flavour.
That's code for something.
It's a very special thing.
I mean, I'm not sure that...
I would have to go with the Marmite
just because of its impact on the world.
I'm saying Marmite.
Oh, sorry.
Close my eyes.
Oh, f**k it.
Ah!
Okay.
Have a look.
I can open.
Shaws.
Oh, Wine Gums.
No.
Shaws, Clove Rock, Shaws.
Don't like these at all.
These are fantastic.
These are already winning.
Yeah?
Pineapple Lumps.
There's zero pineapple in them.
It's just a lump. And they're more cubes
than lumps, but I'm gonna give you one
because these are, this is a f**kin'
institution in New Zealand.
I don't like these.
They're also good frozen.
Smells good, smells good.
Very chewy.
Be careful.
Don't eat the whole thing.
Let me have a go.
Here, have a go.
Have two.
No, first time.
Jesus Christ.
You're supposed to suck them.
Suck them and see.
It's an acquired taste.
Medicine.
I love this side note in the ingredients.
"May have an adverse effect on attention
and activity in children."
Oh.
F**k 'em.
Poison Wars.
Pineapples. All-natural ingredients.
Oh, wow.
Jolly good show.
Good show, good show.
Marvellous.
Look at that jawline of mine.
F**king fantastic.
It's incredible.
You've got a good one too.
Do it, do it!
Do it, I need to feel something.
Everyone shut up and listen.
Hey, I'm Taika.
I'm Michael.
Together we're Taikel,
and you are about to watch...
Snack Wars.
New Zealand versus Ireland, Snack Wars edition.
No, wait.
Hang on a minute, hang on.
Wait a minute, stop.
This is all usable.