- Oh, it's on?
Then let's do something, okay?
You wanna go?
Do something, bitch.
- Uh-uh.
- Huh, there we go.
Let's do something.
- Uh-uh.
- Uh-huh.
♪ But I don't need you ♪
- Mr. Lewis.
Thank you for coming in
with your associates.
I know this is hard to hear
but we need to make some serious decisions
about your mother's health.
Let's be honest, she is getting on in years.
- Oh, snap.
Okay, I see how it is, I see how it is.
Well yo mama so old,
her last name is Asaurus.
(posse laughing) - Oh!
- No, Mr. Lewis, it wasn't an insult.
I was just saying that your mother's condition
is deteriorating because she's getting older.
- Oh!
See, that's cold though, that's a cold one, okay.
Okay, I see how it is.
Hey yo, yo mama so old,
in her history class, they just wrote down
what they was doing.
(posse laughing)
- Mr. Lewis, this isn't an insult contest.
Not only is your mother elderly,
but also her ability to walk
is currently being affected by her weight.
- Oh, see?
Okay, it just got real.
- No, I'm not insulting her.
I'm trying to tell you--
- Yo mama is so fat,
when she go to the movie theater
bitch sit next to everyone.
(posse laughing and cheering)
- Listen to me, okay?
Your mother needs to manage her weight
or there can be some real problems.
- Okay, all right, yo yo!
Yo mama is so fat,
she need a latitude and longitude number
to find her own asshole.
(posse cheering and laughing) - Oh!
Look at his face!
Yeah, look at his face!
- Give it to him.
That's poignant, son!
Poignant!
- Now who's the doctor?!
- I am the doctor!
Mr. Lewis, I am.
And it is my job to make sure that your mother
is given the care that she needs.
We are talking about the woman who took care of you
your whole life.
The least you can do is take care of her in her old age
and take this seriously!
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry that I lost my temper.
- No, really, doctor.
I guess I was just joking around because
I know her condition is really serious
and I don't know,
I guess humor is the only way I can really deal with it.
(sighing) I just know that she's said it so many times,
she doesn't want anything invasive done.
- Really?
I was not aware of that.
That's interesting because she did not mention that to me
in our previous conversation.
'Cause it was difficult to hear her with
my dick in her mouth.
Snap, Mr. Lewis.
Oh snap.
Now let's talk about the procedure.
(intense rock music)
- Hey, as far as I'm concerned,
this Saturday night, there's not even gonna be a fight.
I'm gonna mercy kill this old man.
- Derek is very rude person.
But soon he will learn manners.
I will torture his body
so that his soul learns to be humble.
- I'm gonna dance around him
while he's trying to hit me with his cane,
old man!
- God chose me for this fight.
God is the teacher.
Derek is the student,
and I am god's instrument.
When I squeeze your lungs, Derek,
and you beg me for life,
then your heart will open up to the lord.
- I'm gonna knock him out round one, bitch.
Wait.
What did he say again?
That god chose him?
Doesn't even make sense really. (chuckling)
- When you eat through plastic tube,
when you are paralyzed from neck down,
then your family will gather around your hospital bed
to see the new day.
- Okay, he know we just talking here, right?
I mean, we just getting people interested in the fight.
Because I'm sorry, is this (bleep) crazy?
- God's lessons are so beautiful.
- God's lessons are beautiful?
I'm sorry, who put this fight together?
This is just...
If y'all got an actual crazy person
for me to fight, well that's not fair to me!
Or him!
(Paulo chanting obscure language)
- What you mean you can't find him?
But where is he?
Yo man, where my manager at?
Steve, how's it--
(body thumping)
(intense rock music)
- This is the fight everybody's been waiting for.
But when I get Andre in the ring, man,
it's gonna be cruel and quick.
It's gonna be like one, two, one, two, boom,
and you out!
- Man, (bleep) you, Claudius Lewis.
I'm gonna (bleep) you right in the ass.
Yeah, I'm gonna bend you over and (bleep) you
right in the ass (bleep).
- All right, you know what?
Andre, he likes to be trying to get
into his opponents' heads
by saying crazy stuff.
He ain't gonna get into my head.
- No I'm not gonna get in your head,
I'm gonna get in your ass(bleep) just like I said.
Just right up in there in that tiny little
minuscule ass(bleep) of yours.
This is what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna take you to a nice, high,
fancy highfalutin restaurant.
I'm gonna buy you things, wine and dine you.
And we're gonna find some things that we have in common
and they're gonna become inside jokes to us.
And then we're just gonna laugh about them
in the taxi all the way to your house
where I'm gonna (bleep) you in the ass.
- Okay, now.
Just me, personally,
I've never, you know,
I ain't never seen Andre take it that far before.
But...
Whatever.
- Whatever, I'll tell you whatever.
Whatever I'ma finally gonna feel comfortable
taking you out to dinner parties.
And then all of our friends who are also couples,
they're just gonna laugh at us
'cause we're that couple that holds hands all the time.
Let me tell you something Claudius,
we love each other so very much
that no matter how tired I am,
no matter how much bull(bleep) I've dealt with over the day,
I'm just gonna leave it at the door
when I (bleep) you in the ass.
- Okay, you know what, man,
it's time for you to stop all that nonsense
right now, all right?
Did he just say he'll take me to dinner parties?
- He did say dinner parties.
- And I'll go on the couch every night.
I'ma let you pick the movie.
Even though you always pick the movie.
Then I'm gonna take you out for a walk on the beach
and the moonlight's gonna bounce off your scalp.
And I'm just gonna kiss you so tenderly
while the waves break.
And then right there, right then,
I'm gonna (bleep) you in the sandy ass (bleep).
- All right, it's time for you to shut your fool mouth!
- Is it time? - Yes it is time.
It's time for you to shut your mouth!
- We're gonna spend the golden years together!
- Oh yeah? - Yeah!
Yeah! - Oh yeah is that what?
- I'm gonna support you all the way
through your run through city council.
Yeah, that's right, you're gonna be tired
and exhausted and overworked.
But we're still gonna find the energy
to go antiquing on the weekend!
- Oh yeah?
- And then you're gonna be on your death bed
and you're gonna be sitting there
and you're gonna be dying,
I'm gonna be right beside you
and I'm gonna be crying.
And right at that moment,
when you cross over from this world into the next,
I'm gonna (bleep) you in the ass(bleep).
- Man, I wish you'd try.
- Oh you do?
- I wish that you would try, man!
(chill blues music)
- No, I love the village as much as the next guy
but I'm telling you,
if we continue to self-segregate ourselves,
the entire gay community is gonna continue
to be marginalized.
I was just saying this to Claudius the other night
right after I (bleep)ed him in the ass.
- Yeah he did, he did.
- Anyway, enough politics.
Cheers, everyone.
- [Everyone] Cheers.
(glasses clinking)
(crowd cheering)
- Thank you sir.
All right.
All right, how is everybody?
How is everybody doing?
All right.
And you guys can all hear me okay?
I know this guy can, right here.
Boy, this guy's ears are so big
he's laughing at jokes from the Yukyuk Club
all the way on the other side of town.
(crowd laughing)
All right.
And you sir, you, you're doing okay?
- Right.
- Are you getting enough to eat?
Oh, is that even possible?
Thank you sir.
Folks, I'm sorry, I'm gonna get everybody tonight.
Nobody is safe, I'm getting everybody.
Except for you sir, I'm gonna leave you alone.
Just like your date did tonight, hello!
(crowd groaning)
All right, okay, who's next?
Who is next?
Hey ma'am.
I get it, you have breasts, okay?
Jeez man, look at his chick over there,
her cleavage is giving the Grand Canyon
an inferiority complex.
(crowd laughing)
- You skipped me.
- Who's talking right now?
- Do me.
- Yeah, hey man.
Look at that pink shirt you got on there,
wow, where'd you get that?
QueerTshirts.com?
- This is for the breast cancer awareness.
I am gay though.
- Okay.
- Go for it.
I can take it.
- Hm?
Oh yeah, yeah, no hey yeah,
don't you worry about that, man.
Gloves are coming off.
Right there, right there,
what's with the three drinks, man, alcoholic much?
- This is my pain medication.
- Oh (bleep) of course it is.
It's your pain medication, okay.
Because he is in pain.
Right now.
- Make fun of the burns.
- Make fun of the, what did you say?
Because, here's the problem, sir,
is it's really dark in here,
and sorry, are you burnt, 'cause I can't make it out.
Thanks so much ma'am for illuminating him.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Oh, those burns.
- Make fun of the robot voice.
- Sir, I don't know.
- Come on, I can take it.
- Okay, well now, you know what?
I feel like--
- Or the wheelchair.
- Look, sir, there is nothing funny
about you being in a wheelchair.
And we can all- - Oh.
But there is something funny about me being fat?
- All right.
All right, fine, fine, I've got it, I've got it.
I'm doing it, I'm doing it.
I just didn't wanna go after this guy
'cause I didn't want him to kill me in my dreams.
Like Freddy Krueger.
(crowd groaning)
'Cause he, no?
You know, 'cause how Freddy Krueger's face is burned off?
That's not...
(Burnt guy wailing)
- You ass (bleep)!
- He said he could take it, that's what he said!
- I thought I could but I can't.
- How is this on me?
How do we even know if he's crying right now?
(crowd booing)
Well I don't know that sound.
It just sounds like an electronic sound.
- The tears!
They burn!
- He said he could take it!
(bottle shattering)
(crowd cheering)
- I don't care.
- When I see the worse way
the situation. - No, I don't care.
- And I'm trying to help people
out over here. - No, okay?
You know what, J-quellin?
- No, I don't know, what?
- You need to think about yourself sometimes
before you start insinuating yourself
in other people's business.
- Well, you know what, D-nice?
I'm gonna insinuate myself whenever and where I please
because it's a free country, bitch!
(crowd oohing)
- Uh-uh. - Uh-huh.
- Uh-uh, okay, you know what?
- Oh, we doing this?
Okay so we gonna do, here babe.
- Yes, we are about to fight now.
- Bring it on then, bitch, let's go.
- I ain't even playin'.
'Cause you know what? - I wish you would.
I wish, - Step to me then.
Go ahead, step to me. - I wish you would
step up to me - No I would love for you
To step to me,
I really would. - Right now.
Bitch you just talking.
That's the problem. - I don't even care
no more. - 'Cause you're talking
and you're talking now
and that's all you do.
- Call me a bitch again.
- Oh yeah?
- Call me a bitch again. - Okay.
Okay. - No, see what happens.
- Your wish is granted,
oh see what happens? - See what happens.
- I would like to see what happens.
I would love to see what happens.
- Oh you do?
- Oh yeah absolutely.
So why don't you come,
and bring it then, bitch?
- Uh-uh.
See, no.
You are riding my last nerve
and I ain't even playin' no more.
I am not even playin' no more.
- Oh, it's on?
Then let's do something, okay?
You wanna go?
Do something, bitch. - Uh-uh.
- Huh, there we go.
Let's do something.
- Uh-uh.
- Uh-huh.
- Uh-uh.
- It's uh-huh, it's uh-huh.
- Uh-uh.
- Let's do something, bitch!
- What?
(zipper zipping)
(intense percussive music)
(slaps whacking)
- [Kids] We told you not to mess with us, bitch!
- Y'all just saw that bitch
turn into two little girls, right?
(scatting blues music)
♪ All I want you ♪
♪ But I don't need you ♪