Do you know if you brush these really fast against each other they’ll catch on fire?
A lot like this relationship.
Hey guys, I’m Adam Rippon, and I know the Ariana Grande/Pete Davidson timeline has been
a little confusing.
But, I’m here to break it down for you.
Let’s start from the beginning.
Ariana says I’m finally gonna break up with Mac Miller.
And Mac Miller is like, “I am so upset…”
And she’s like, “But you also look like a b-----”
And he’s like, “that is true.”
Why is his face so messy?
What is this earring, too?
Is that a lucky charm?
Awful..
Mac Miller?
Out of the picture.
Post-breakup, Ariana Grande?
She’s out and about but she’s walking around with this phone case.
To me?
I wouldn’t really think much of it.
But to the investigative reporters of a million 17 and 18-year-old women, this means business.
Because not only was Ariana Grande seen with this phone case, but so was Pete Davidson.
Now everybody’s like, where did they both get it?
I am not really questioning anything much at this point because I’m just like every
normal American.
It’s just a phone case.
And you can get this at any Asian supermarket, or you can just get this on Amazon!
It’s like 5.99, it comes straight from Xanadu.
So then Ariana goes on Instagram and she posts a cloud boomerang.
Breaking news!
Pete Davidson and Cazzie David?
It’s over for them.
And she’s like, “I really have to take a sabbatical from this entire country…
I’m gonna go to Africa for a bit.”
Pete?
He’s being real coy.
He posts a picture of his middle finger – has a cloud on it.
Again, I don’t really think much of it.
Like, clouds are everywhere.
I’m not that convinced yet, Pete.
You’re gonna have to do more than that.
And then I see something I wasn’t expecting…
This.
Do you hear that?
Yeah… sounds like a budding romance.
Do you know if you brush these really fast against each other they’ll catch on fire?
A lot like this relationship.
And now we’ve got some questions that need answering…….
So then
Mac Miller is like, “I’m DONE being just an ex and just a b------, I’m gonna
get in trouble.”
And Ariana is like, “I am not going to take responsibility for another man’s actions.
I am my own person and I had nothing to do with that.”
And we were like, you know what, “yes!” and he was like, “damn.”
And she was like, “but… watch….
This….”
So she posts her and Pete in Harry Potter robes, says that The Chamber of Secrets has
now been opened.
Dang.
Pete Davidson?
He’s got some BDE.
Big.
D---.
Energy.
I’ve never heard BDE before but I know exactly what she’s talking about.
He smells like BDE and you know what Ariana?
I believe you.
And you know what?
Run girl.
Run to the chapel.
Cazzie?
She’s like, “OK I’ve been in Africa, what have I missed?” and we’re like, “you
missed a bunch…” and she’s like, “OK well I’ve been planning this trip forever”
and we’re like, “have you?”
Maybe I did maybe I didn’t.
But I got a cute picture with a lion.
Our next development in this story is that Pete’s tattoo artist reveals something very
special.
He’s had a few secret Ariana Grande tattoos for a while.
I’m gonna draw his hand.
This is his hand.
Cloud on the middle finger.
AG on the thumb!
He also has another one on his neck so unfortunately Pete, this is where your chin ends… and
this is where your neck starts.
Why does it look like he has a million hands on his face?
Ariana says she’s now a Pete Davidson Instagram update account.
Whoa sis, that was fast.
So Pete goes on Jimmy Fallon and he’s like, “Pete?
How are you handling this?”
And Pete goes, “It’s f-ing lit, Jimmy.”
Seth Rogen is like, “are you guys serious?”
He’s like so annoyed.
Now, they’re engaged.
And now, the question that’s in my mind is… did this start in March 2016 when Ariana
Grande performed on SNL?
Was it after that?
Was it when Cazzie was in
Africa? Because apparently she missed a lot while she was there, taming lions.
I’m here for this, honestly.