If you've been keeping up with international news,
you probably know that, lately, the world has been crazier
than Rudy Giuliani on LSD.
To be honest, there are so many protests going on
around the world right now that we just don't have the time
to cover them all.
Luckily for us,
not enough time is just the right amount of time
for a segment we call Ain't Nobody Got Time for That.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)
All right, let's kick it off in Hong Kong,
where the pro-democracy protestors
are also getting into the Halloween spirit.
To Hong Kong now, where police fired tear gas
to break up protests on the Halloween holiday.
Crowds of protestors blocked a major road
before police came in.
The anti-government demonstrations
targeted a popular party district
in the city for the first time.
Well, at times, the protestors blended in
with people wearing Halloween costumes.
Protestors and partygoers alike were not deterred
by a citywide ban on face masks.
Okay, you got to admit, that's a pretty genius move
for the protestors to blend in
with regular people celebrating Halloween.
Yeah, because the police can't tell the difference
between protestors and trick-or-treaters. Yeah.
Sort of like starting a fight club in the middle of Boston.
You don't know. Is this an illegal fight
or just the usual Dunkin' Donuts parking lot fight?
You don't know.
Now, what's interesting is that the protests in Hong Kong
originally began because of an extradition bill,
but now they've snowballed into a protest
about Chinese rule over Hong Kong in general.
Because, you see, protests are a lot like arguments
in relationships:
you say it's about the dishes,
but, really, it's about something bigger.
You know? Like you "don't communicate well"
or you "hooked up with your mother-in-law."
You know? Yeah, you said I should get along with her!
Now, if we had more time,
we could talk more about the difficulty they had
reintegrating post-colonial Hong Kong into Mainland China,
but we don't have the time,
because Hong Kong isn't the only region
trying to move out of its parents' house.
REPORTER: Barcelona, Spain, saw more than half a million
pro-independence protestors last week.
They're frustrated over the jailing
of nine Catalan politicians for their role
in the Catalonia independence movement two years ago.
They don't speak for the majority
because the independence support--
the support for independence is not majoritarian.
Yes, Spain is in turmoil right now,
because the region of Catalonia is demanding its independence.
And the chaos has been nonstop. Although it is Spain,
so they take a little siesta in the middle of the fight.
That's what they do. "I'll be protesting in my dreams.
(snores) "Ah!
(snores) Ah!"
Now, if this feels like déjà vu for you, you're not wrong.
Barcelona experiences these protests every couple of years.
In many ways, independence movements
are like movies about the Joker.
You think they're over, and then, boom, there's a new one
about a guy who hates climbing steps.
I haven't seen it yet. I think that's what this is about.
Now with more time, we could get into
how this independence movement is driven
by Catalonia's feeling that they pay a lot more in taxes
than they get back from the central government,
but... no tenemos tiempo.
Because over in the Caribbean,
the country of Haiti is running out of gas and patience.
MAN: A crippling fuel shortage is sparking protests in Haiti.
Gas stations have been on empty for days.
WOMAN: Thousands have taken to the streets
to demand the president stand down.
Catholic Church leaders have joined protesters
calling for political reform.
Thousands took part
in the peaceful rally in the capital, Port-au-Prince.
(singing in foreign language)
Yes, over in Haiti,
a severe fuel shortage has sparked one
of the nation's largest protests.
And although the music and dancing may confuse you,
this is a protest.
No, because I know there's at least one white couple there
on vacation that's like, "Look, honey, it must be carnival!
Throw me some beads!"
That's what I love about being black. I'm not gonna lie.
Even our protests have rhythm.
Like, those people are fighting, and it's like...
(singing)
Yeah, a lot of people don't know this,
but Soul Train started as a protest against bike lanes.
That's how it all began.
And by the way, if I were in Haiti's government,
I'd be very afraid
that the Catholic Church has now joined this protest,
'cause nobody holds a grudge like the Catholic Church.
I mean, it's been, like, 6,000 years,
and they're still mad at that snake.
They don't play around out there. Yeah.
You're like, "He gave someone an apple. Move on, already!"
And on a day with more time,
we could delve into how these protests in Haiti
aren't just about fuel, but also about rampant corruption
across the Haitian government, but we just don't have the time,
because anti-government protests are even hitting
one of the most stable countries in Latin America-- Chile.
MAN: In Chile, a four percent rise in subway fares
was enough to bring a million people to the streets.
Stores and subway stations torched,
the government forced to declare a state of emergency.
WOMAN: While people were in the streets in Chile,
the Chilean president was seen dining
at an upscale restaurant.
These are the type of things that seem to make people crazy.
Yup. While the Chilean people are protesting
about not being able to afford basic services,
the president was dining at a fancy restaurant.
Talk about being tone deaf.
You can't be eating fancy food
in front of your struggling people.
You should be using Uber Eats.
You get that shit delivered. Come on.
(laughter)
Now the frustration in Chile reached a tipping point
when the government announced an increase in subway fares,
which makes sense, right?
These type of moves always affect the working class more,
because rich people don't need public transportation.
They don't know what it's like to be stuck
on a hot, crowded train sitting next to a subway masturbator.
They don't know. No.
No, rich people-- they take those fancy limousines
with air conditioning, and they sit next
to a fancy limousine masturbator.
"Ooh, la, la!"
Now if we had more time,
we could talk about how Chile shows
that civil unrest is an inevitable biproduct
of extreme inequality, but we can't get into that,
because we have to make time
for one of the biggest protests in the Middle East,
where the people of Lebanon took to the streets
to demand the removal of their prime minister,
because they accused him of enriching himself
at the expense of his citizens.
Now the demonstrations have gotten so intense
that the prime minister has stepped down.
But one of the most heartwarming things that happened was
when a mother and her child found themselves
surrounded by protesters, and the protesters noticed
the child in the car was freaked out,
and they worked to make things right.
Protesters outraged over Lebanon's crumbling economy
completely changed their tune when they encountered a mother
who said her 15-month-old son
was scared.
♪ Baby shark, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Baby shark, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo, baby shark ♪
♪ Mommy shark, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo... ♪
WOMAN: Right in the middle of a protest,
a spontaneous rendition of "Baby Shark."
Oh, man!
That is so adorable!
The only problem is,
now that song is gonna be stuck in the protesters' heads.
It's gonna ruin the rest of the protest. They'll be like...
♪ Lebanon, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ We want reforms, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ No more tax, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ You're corrupt. ♪
Now you may have noticed
that all these protests all over the globe have things in common.
Corrupt governments, social inequality
and ineffective leadership,
which might be a warning to all the leaders of the world.
If you don't start really listening to your people soon,
they might not have time for you, either.