there's a lot of things you can do to make sure you're not dating somebody
crazy he gave you the position of power by offering something that two seconds later
he's gonna regret most financial advisors would really hate on this episode for sure
my name is joseph your host for better my name is jane i'm joseph's co-host
my dream is to be rich fabulously rich right now each one of these episodes will cover four topics
we take what the traditional formula is how everybody else is doing it and
if there's one way to do it better then that's the stuff that we want to cover
it's really really interesting really informative all right let's get to it
it's new year's eve we were trying to go to a restaurant we didn't make an appointment so
our bad we were about to be seated and then the server told us if you didn't make a reservation
sorry we don't have a seat for you what and i was like okay i understand the people behind us
came up and what said oh sorry we don't have a reservation another server said oh right this way
yeah we were there like like we also don't have a reservation and then the server who
was helping us was like oh i'm so sorry they shouldn't have done that let me go talk to the
manager yeah manager came and said i'm really sorry that really shouldn't have happened
um but all of our seats are booked now there is no more seats you are free to sit here at the
bar i can't guarantee that there will be a seat available i said oh absolutely we'll take that
seat over there and then no kidding within about a minute the manager came told us to go to the seat
and immediately give us food we ordered and within 10 minutes the food came we finished and we were
on our way within an hour what and by the time we left the restaurant was still half empty let
me tell you what happened behind the scenes when people negotiate oftentimes they only think about
what i want versus what you want what's even more important than
negotiating between what i want and what you want is thinking about what i
don't want and what you don't want when you have that matrix down when you know exactly
the circumstance for everybody involved then it's very easy to negotiate and find the best solution
for both parties so in this situation what's the worst case scenario for me the consumer i just
leave i find another restaurant the worst case scenario for the restaurant there's only about
like five seats at the bar we don't have anything planned we can sit here all night
now suddenly the bar the restaurant is gonna lose out on revenue for the rest of the night
if they lose out on those two seats once they sit down at the bar and if i don't leave
they can't kick us out because of their mistake he gave you the position of power by offering
something that two seconds later he's gonna regret or maybe or maybe he was two steps ahead maybe he
was like i'll offer you the bar we can't guarantee this person is a sucker there's no way he wants
to sit at the bar for an hour you'll probably want to be angry and leave okay great you got it please
pumped in a lot of things in life circumstances happen and instead of just negotiating what you
want what the other person want really think about your worst case scenario and maybe you
don't get what you want and you you get a second tier but at least it's not the worst case scenario
but you will be much happier were you thinking about all of this of like two steps ahead or was
it like yeah sure we'll we'll hang out it's almost second nature now really i think law school and uh
mediation trained us for that so it's very second nature to think that being very clear about that
matrix and being able to position your emotion accordingly will make you a better negotiator
so i was sitting down with the my financial planner and they were analyzing
exactly how much i needed in order to retire they go through a bunch of questions
a lot of it is what do you do what do you like to do what do you like to spend money doing i
almost want to say their goal is for me to say the really expensive lavish things i want to
travel the world and all that stuff and i said well i want to read all the books that's on my
shelf they were like okay sounds good they were very disappointed they were very very disappointed
when i said that and then we talked about other things that i like to do like i like to volunteer
i like to speak at certain events stuff and i probably won't do that all the way until i pass
away it's like oh so there's additional revenue so you want to work after you retire well then it
looks like you don't need to save anything right now then after that meeting i learned that there's
so much stress surrounding the topic of retirement you have to save a lot more you can't spend you
have to control your urges there's just so many terrible things that people have to suffer through
their entire lives just so they hope that they can live comfortably if you really match your end goal
in your lifestyle you might realize you don't need to save for retirement retirement planning
is so much more than just dollar and cents lifestyle the experience so many things can help
you and you live a better and healthier life so instead of it just being how much money you have
it's okay well you have to think through the life that you want and what that lifestyle costs but
then also there's a lot of things that you could do right now that will make that lifestyle much
cheaper so you don't have to save as much if you can foresee your problems then you can solve those
problems beforehand using money to solve problems is the most expensive way to solve problems right
it's really just being like yeah money has its place but it's not number one because no one wants
well i guess most people wouldn't don't want money to be number one but feel like
it has to be right so that's why i think this is a better way as a as a veteran student
what do you think makes you successful study in bite size meals right so right before class
spending five minutes to review everything that the professor's probably gonna teach that day
and thinking to yourself how they would teach it and what they're gonna say and what questions you
have before class starts five minutes after class spend another five minutes and just think through
everything that the professor said what surprised you what did it surprise you what questions you
have and then put that all your notes just don't wait until the very very end to do everything
because then you you retain so little whereas by doing this you are constantly reinforcing i
do really like the whole like right before priming your brain to like look for things
then you're super focused on that in class and then right after and in my head i'm like oh
if that's all it takes like i'd be much more willing to dive into something like that but
when i think of the more traditional way of kind of just being there
listening with one ear cramming before it's extremely inefficient right you're going to
class but you're not learning so the time you're in class was wasted another secret i think about
like studying is making it fun for me uh when i'm learning about a subject i always try to think
what's fun about this particular subject like when i was in law school law is extremely dry but
i would like draw cartoons on my law books right um like if this was a children's story what would
it look like i think it's it's more fun so if things are fun generally you you do it better
so one of my roommates is really into like true crime she got me into one because she told me it
wasn't that scary and it's true it's not that scary but it's called dirty john on netflix
threats harassment intimidation they all say that it's you what kind of a person does that
essentially this woman is still looking for a life partner and they're really wealthy really
well to do but she's single but it ends with him apparently this is a true true story he tries to
kill her adult daughters so thankfully that's not an everyday occurrence you know we don't have like
hundreds of netflix shows that go exactly the same way i guess the two sides of the spectrum right
are finding the person you're meant to be with through dating whether online or offline
or finding someone who's gonna try and murder your family when the spectrum is so wide right
of of these two extremes how can we date well the number of psychopaths that people end up
getting with online and then getting into danger with is statistically low compared to
the normal good people that you get with that you end up turning into a psychopath that want
to kill you right how many relationships have fallen apart gotten divorced people turn nasty
scratch your car destroy your house kill your dog terrible terrible things have happened to
normal people there's a lot of things you can do to make sure you're not dating somebody crazy get
a couple references get to know his family and friends and if there's nobody there then maybe
either catfishing you or something completely bogus reflecting back on when you were dating
what do you think you did well when you're dating you're you're discovering yourself
what's so important about dating is not just what you're looking for but what you are not looking
for and you signal to them that i am not your type so they won't choose you because in dating time
is precious you might only have a few years to do that so you don't want to waste it on somebody who
is just not going to be a good fit be very clear what you're looking for and experiment with
different types of people love will find the right time to meet you and then when they come welcome
them and then when they have to leave oh no say goodbye thank you for staying see you again soon