Hi, Kelly.
How are you?
I'm good.
How are you?
Good.
You know I always love when you're here.
Thank you.
I love being here.
Isn't this fun?
Yeah, this--
[CHEERING]
Have you been to Mardi Gras before?
I have not.
You haven't?
You've been to New Orleans though, right?
Oh, many times.
Actually, New Orleans was my very, very first concert
ever after Idol.
First time being on the road touring and singing
with my band, so--
Where did you perform there?
Out in the middle of like--
I don't remember.
It was like the middle of New Orleans.
There were people showed up for us, so that was good,
but I will tell you, this little--
Was it like indoors or outdoors?
No, it was outdoors.
Just in the middle of New Orleans?
I guess it was maybe like a fair or something.
A festival.
OK.
They have stuff like that all the time.
Sure.
Events-- like parties all the time.
First time I ever had a Hurricane too.
Have you ever had one of those?
Oh, I have.
Ooh, your butt will be hugging a toilet upside down.
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
And you brought your grandpa here with you, right?
I did.
He's in the back.
He's back here?
Yeah.
He will not come out here.
He just turned 62.
It's his birthday, and so--
Happy birthday, Ken, right?
Yeah.
Happy birthday, Ken.
He's somewhere back there hiding.
Happy birthday.
[APPLAUSE]
He's been-- well, we've been celebrating his birthday
since he came to Nashville just a couple of days ago.
We went to-- he loves the Black Eyed Peas, so--
yeah, I know.
You should have heard him singing "Boom Boom Pow,"
and he does the dance and everything.
He loves Fergie, the biggest crush on Fergie, OK?
Oh, there he is, rolling my little suitcase in the mall.
I just bought that, and it was cute.
I traveled here with it.
It holds a lot, but--
It holds a lot?
It does, and it's so much better for your back
to get those suitcases that have the four wheels.
That way you don't--
I'm not-- see?
Yeah, they do.
Yeah.
Because I have a really bad back,
anyway, so I like the ones that roll like that.
And what else happened?
Oh, so we followed Fergie around Nashville
because he wanted to meet her.
We ended up going to some afterparty where Will.I.Am
was DJ-ing at, so my grandpa is standing there
like-- we're right beside the DJ booth watching him.
My grandpa's got cotton balls in his ears
and he's just bouncing back and forth.
And let's see, what else happened?
That was a crazy night.
We ended up-- oh, we got pulled over.
I got pulled over again.
You are the worst driver.
[LAUGHTER]
The last time you were here, you were talking
about how bad you were driving.
Well, it wasn't-- it's not my fault. Like really,
I don't understand.
I really don't.
I don't know what I was doing, but--
Well, what did they pull you over for?
45 in a 30.
Well, that's--
That's not bad, but there's nobody on the roads.
It was like really late.
Yeah.
So I just thought--
Those numbers are just for when people are on the road.
Yeah.
Those-- yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
I seriously think if people would--
I can't stand when people drive the speed limit, especially
on the interstate.
It's like, oh, my God.
Get out of my way, you know?
Right.
That brings out the inner demon in me.
I'm not like possessed or nothing, but like--
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, like I can't stand to get behind somebody going
slow or going the speed limit.
Speed limit's too slow.
You can always push and drive five over.
They won't give you a ticket for that.
[LAUGHTER]
But yeah, we get pulled over.
I had to take--
the guy goes-- first of all, I didn't have my license again.
Well, the one that I-- because last time I talked to you,
I still haven't got mine redone.
I still have my North Carolina license
because that's where I'm from, and it doesn't expire
until 2011, so I was like, I'm just
going to wait until then to get it done.
But it's broke in half, so I have a scotched tape together
still.
[LAUGHTER]
It broke in the dryer.
Remember the red washing machine dryer?
I do.
It fell down in the vent thing.
Tell them a good way to get it out of the dryer
if it falls in there.
If your driver's license ever falls down in the dryer vent
in your washing machine dryer, you take a wire clothes
hanger-- not a plastic one because if you try to bend it,
it'll just break--
so you take a wire or metal clothes
hanger and bend it straight, chew up
about four pieces of bubble gum, stick it, like mesh it together
and stick it on the end of that thing.
Make sure it's a little wet, and then stick it down--
stick that thing down in the dryer vent and your license
will come out.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING]
Yeah.
That's right.
I wish I had my own show, kind of like--
Would this fit in there or no?
My grandpa saw you doing that.
That guy standing there and he's like, that'd be the most
action I've had in eight years.
[LAUGHTER]
I tole him maybe you'll give it to him for his birthday.
I'll give you that.
But no, we got pulled over, and I had to do-- the guy goes--
he said, have you been drinking?
I went, my grandpa has.
He's passed out in the back, and he never drinks.
He did like a shot of Jack, and was back there just--
I don't know.
So you were not drunk?
No.
And I had to do a sobriety test, but I passed.
I did not-- gosh, I felt like somebody sneaking up on me.
[LAUGHTER]
I think I heard somebody breathing.
Oh, God.
Oh.
I cannot tell you how many times I've laid in bed at night
and just like--
[GASP]
Just like-- I've had nightmares about that damn clown ever
since.
Did you all see that one?
Well, yeah.
This is why she's nervous.
This is what we did to her last time.
And we're roller skating, so it's kind of tricky.
I always run into the venue boards
because I have never learned how to use
that little stopper on the toe.
Right.
Careful.
[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHTER]
I trust all of you guys.
I hate you, and I lost a nail.
That was so embarrassing.
I know.
All right.
I don't know why we book anyone else on the show when you're
here because I could listen--
Me neither.
I could listen to you for an entire hour.
And that girl's not going to have her own bachelor.
I'm going to be on it.
Oh.
I'm the new bachelorette.
Do you want to be the bachelorette?
Oh, yeah.
Let's put you on there.
OK.
All right.
I'm kidding.
[CHEERING]