.
. I'M
. I'M NOT
. I'M NOT GOING TO I'M NOT GOING TO JUMP INTO THOSE JUST YET.
I HAVE MANY MORE TO TRY
OBVIOUSLY FIRST.
BUT SINCE IT'S APRIL FOOL'S DAY
AND ALL ABOUT THE FAKE OUT, WE
THOUGHT WE'D PLAY A ROUND
OF TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE.
NOW EVERYONE TELLS THREE THINGS
ABOUT THEMSELVES AND THE REST
OF US GUESS WHICH IS THE LIE
WHEN WE UPPED THE ODDS BY
INCLUDING THE MAN WHO USED TO
LIE FOR A LIVING FORMER FBI
DOUBLE AGENT AND NATIONAL
SECURITY EXPERT NAVEED JAMALI
PLUS TWO PEOPLE WHO ARE
PROBABLY NOT SPIES PROBABLY
RADIO JACKIE CUNNINGHAM AND
EVENINGS JIM IF IF I TOUCH MY
FACE A LOT DOES THAT MEAN
ANYTHING?
I'M GOING TO START WITH YOU NOW
,JIM, TO SEE IF YOU DO.
OK, I WAS ONCE CAUGHT STEALING
WHITE HOUSE STATIONERY BY THE
VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES.
I DRINK EXACTLY EIGHT CUPS
OF COFFEE A DAY NO MORE NO LESS
.
I HAVE TOUCHED A SEVERED HUMAN
TOE WITH MY LIPS.
OH GOSH.
I MEAN I'M HOPING A THIRD IS
THE LIE BUT THERE IS THE LIE.
I HOPE IT'S A LIE.
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE IT?
IT'S NOT PROPERTY I'M GOING TO
GO TO.
I THINK IT'S COFFEE .
YEAH, I FEEL LIKE THAT'S ALMOST
SO BASIC BUT I FEEL LIKE JIM
SAID ENOUGH WEIRD SHOWS AND
STUFF THAT HE'S PROBABLY
TOUCHED A CHILD WITH HIS MOUTH
DANCE DISGUSTING.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S THE COFFEE IN FACT THE
TRUTH IS I'VE NEVER DRUNK A CUP
OF
.
. I'VE
. I'VE TASTED COFFEE AND IT'S MADE ME SICK TO MY STOMACH.
I'M YOU TO EXPLAIN THE HUMANS
HOW THING GO NOW TO DAWSON CITY
HOTEL IN THE YUKON HAS A GREAT
TRADITION CALLED THE SOUR
TOKUKO TALE CLUB.
YOU CAN ONLY GET INTO THE CLUB
BY DOWNING A SHOT OF I FORGET
WHAT IT IS MAYBE FROM THE
BOTTOM OF THAT GLASS IS A
SEVERED HUMAN TOAD.
IT HAS TO TOUCH YOUR LIPS
BEFORE ARE A MEMBER OF THE CLUB
OK AND THE SAME THING IT WAS
TRUE TO DROPPED.
I HAD STOLEN SOME STATIONERY
WHEN WE VISITED THE WHITE HOUSE
AND I WAS COMING DOWN SOME
STEPS AND I HAD PUT IT IN MY
BRIEFCASE SO QUICKLY I FORGOT
TO ZIP IT ALL UP AND IT FELL
OUT AND JUST AS I LOOKED UP
VICE PRESIDENT GORE AT THE TIME
WAS COMING INTO THE OLD
EXECUTIVE OFFICE BUILDING JUST
FROM RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND I'M
LIKE I CAN'T EXPLAIN THESE THAT
HE DIDN'T CARE.
YOU MIGHT HAVE TO CALL SECURITY
ON THIS GUY.
WHAT ARE YOUR TWO TRUTHS AND A
LIE?
THE FIRST IS I WAS A COLLEGIATE
MATHLETE.
THE SECOND IS I ONCE SLAMMED
THE TRUNK ON A RUSSIAN SPY AND
THE THIRD IS THAT IF IT WASN'T
FOR JIMMY KIMMEL I NEVER WOULD
HAVE GOTTEN A BOOK DEAL.
I MEAN YOU LOOK SMART, RIGHT?
WELL, LOOK LOOK THE SEAT BUT
NOT THAT SMART.
NOT THAT SMART.
SO QUITE HONESTLY NO, I THINK
THAT'S THE LIE THE COLLEGIATE
ATHLETE I'M GOING TO GO WITH
THAT TOO.
I'M GOING TO GO WITH THE
RUSSIAN IN THE TRUNK JIM AND
JACKIE, I AM TERRIBLE AT MATH.
OH YES.
ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE.
I CAN'T EVEN CONVERT WE DO YOU
SOMETIMES OWN TO PACIFICS
ALWAYS GO I'LL CALL THREE HOURS
AND YOU'RE GOOD BECAUSE THEY
ALL SOUNDED TRUE.
SO WHAT ABOUT THE RUSSIAN
SPIES?
IT DID HAPPEN.
I WAS WORKING UNDERCOVER FOR
THE FBI AND I WAS DEALING WITH
A RUSSIAN LEGITIMATE RUSSIAN
INTELLIGENCE OFFICER AND I HAD
THESE BOOKS WHICH IS FIGHTER
FIGHTER PILOT MANUALS AND I WAS
SHOWING THEM TO HIM AND I PUT
THEM BACK IN THE TRUNK AND AT
THE LAST MINUTE HE WAS LIKE I
WANT TO GO LOOK AT THEM AGAIN.
AND I WAS PULLING THE TRUNK.
I KIND OF DOVE IN AND I HIS
HEAD AND HE CLEARLY YOU HAD TO
PASS BUT HE WAS NOT GOING TO
PASS OUT IN FRONT OF ME BECAUSE
I WAS SHOWN TOTAL WEAKNESS.
I THOUGHT I KILLED THAT WITH
THE TOTALLY TOTALLY HAPPENED.
AND THEN THE THIRD THING
ABSOLUTELY I WAS I WAS IN THE
NAVY I WAS ACTUALLY SENT TO SAN
DIEGO A GUY WHO ENDED UP BEING
JIMMY KIMMEL'S HEAD WRITER AND
I TOLD HIM MY STORY ABOUT
WORKING FOR THE FBI AND HE IS
THE REASON I GOT A BOOK DEAL
INTRODUCING HIS AGENT.
SO AGAIN HADN'T BEEN FOR JIMMY
KIMMEL AND EVERYONE GOT THE
BOOK.
THAT IS COOL, JACKIE.
THE BAR'S PRETTY HIGH NOW I LAY
IT ON ME.
ALL RIGHT.
HERE WE GO.
GROWING UP MY FAMILY HAD A PET
SKUNK THAT WAS ALBINO NAMED MR.
MAGOO OUT OF MY TWENTY FIVE
YEARS IN RADIO.
THE ONLY CELEBRITY THAT MADE ME
CRY WAS DEMI LOVATO AND I
RECENTLY DID TWENTY THREE IN ME
AND FOUND THAT I RELATED TO
BARACK OBAMA.
WOW, THESE ARE ALL GOOD.
YEAH, THESE ARE REALLY GOOD.
I'M GOING TO GO IN THE NUMBER
ONE I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT
MR MAGOO THE ALBINO SKUNK I'M
GOING TO BE BECAUSE I MEAN YOU
CAN TEST IT OUT OF LIES GUY AND
I'M GOING WITH NAVID AND AMITAY
BECAUSE THERE'S STRENGTH IN
NUMBERS THAT I'VE LED YOU DOWN
THE WRONG PATH.
I HATE TO SAY RIGHT.
I FEEL PRETTY COOL RIGHT NOW.
I ACTUALLY SCREWED UP A SPICE
MINE BECAUSE I DID HAVE A BIKE.
I KNOW THAT IS WEIRD.
I HAVE NO BODY, NO SKUNK
RELATED TO BARACK OBAMA.
WE'RE GOING TO NEED A PICTURE
OF THAT FOR THAT FACT AND SAY
FIND IT BECAUSE I THINK MY MOM
HAS THEM ALL.
I'M SURE THIS ISN'T ONE
OF THOSE BEAUTIFUL MINDS KIND
OF THINGS WHERE YOU BROUGHT UP
YOUR ALBINO SKULL.
I'M GOING TO RESEARCH ALBINO'S
AMITAY WHILE YOU'RE RESEARCHING
ALBINO SKUNKS YOU MIGHT WANT TO
LOOK UP IMAGINARY FRIENDS AND
CHILDHOOD TRAUMA.
ALL RIGHT.
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU MINE.
YOU READY?
YEAH.
I RECORDED AN ALBUM WITH THE
BAND CHICAGO.
I WAS CAPTAIN OF THE UCLA CHEER
SQUAD GO BRUINS.
I ONCE FLEW A RUSSIAN FIGHTER
JET.
NONE OF THESE ARE TRUE.
IT'S THE GAME HAS TWO TRUTHS
AND A LIE, NOT THREE LIES.
OK, HOW MANY SEE I PLAY WITH
YOU GET ALL THESE GREAT
OPPORTUNITIES TO DO STRANGE
STORIES.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN SEE HER
GETTING TO FLY A FIGHTER JET.
YEAH CHICAGO WHAT A SPECIF
BAND.
THE SPECIFICITY OF CHICAGO
RIGHT RIGHT NOW I COULD HAVE
DONE THAT ON PURPOSE.
GIVE ME ONE QUICK SIS BOOM BA I
DON'T EVEN KNOW IF WE DO ASSIST
MUMBAI BUT WE LIKE TO BE
AGGRESSIVE BE AGGRESSIVE OK I'M
MARCUS AND THAT IS THE TRUTH.
I'M GOING TO SAY ONE RECORDING
THE ALBUM WITH CHICAGO THAT'S
WHAT I THINK I WAS NEVER A
CHEERLEADER IN COLLEGE.
I DON'T I JUST WELL PLAYED.
WELL PLAYED.
YOU ARE VERY DECEPTIVE.
YOU WORKED WITH CHICAGO.
IT'S A LONG STORY BUT I WENT TO
HIGH SCHOOL THE SAME SCHOOL AS
SOME OF THE BAND MEMBERS KIDS I
WAS IN CHOIR AND THEY USED OUR
CHILDREN'S CHOIR TO RECORD
GREEK.
I'M ON A I'M SUPER COOL AND
RUSSIAN FIGHTER JET WAS EXACTLY
WHAT YOU SAID, JACKIE.
I WAS DOING A STORY ABOUT AN
AIR SHOW AND I GOT TO GO UP IN
THE FIGHTER JET AND GUY GAVE ME
THE CONTROLS AND I GOT REALLY
FLEW THE JET.
I GOT TO SAY LADIES, I STILL
THINK THE HUMAN TOE TAKES THE
CAKE.
OH NO.
CAN'T I WAS LIKE YEAH PUT ME ON
A THUNDERBIRD LIKE A BLUE ANGEL
.
I MEAN YOU KNOW THE CUFFS I
DON'T KNOW IF YOU REALIZE THAT
THAT'S A LOT BUT YEAH I DON'T
KNOW BECAUSE I DON'T THINK IT
IS THAT A LOT.
YEAH YEAH I THINK YOU'RE
LEGALLY DEAD IN SOME STATES NOW
RIGHT.
THEY TAKE AWAY YOUR ORGAN DONOR
STATUS THEY GO WELL I CAN TELL
YOU