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. >>> GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY.
WELCOME TO "GREAT DAY HOUSTON."
WE'RE STARTING OFF ON THIS
VALENTINE'S DAY ABOUT A COFFEE
CHAT.
CHAT.
CHAT. WE
CHAT. WE HAVE AUTHOR ABOUT THE TRUTH
VALENTINE'
VALENTINE' ABOUT MEN, WHAT MEN AND WOMEN
NEED TO KNOW.
GOOD MORNING.
GOOD MORNING. >> GOOD MORNING.
VALENTINE'S DAY IS OF THE
DAYS PEOPLE EITHER LOVE BECAUSE
YOU GET THE RING, FLOWERS AT
OFFICE.
OFFICE.
OFFICE. EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU HAVE A MAN.
OR IT'S A BAD DAY BECAUSE YOU
DON'T HAVE A MAN.
I WANT TO BACK UP TO WHEN WE'RE
IN LOVE, MEN ARE GREAT.
WHEN NOT IN LOVE, WE HATE MEN.
MEN ARE DOGS.
YOU'RE SAYING NOT ALL MEN ARE
DOGS.
DOGS.
DOGS. >>
DOGS. >> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> YOU'VE GOT TO UNDERSTAND
WHAT DRIVE ACE MAN.
>> EXACTLY.
>> EXACTLY. I THINK TOO OFTEN WE PUT TOO
MUCH ON
I THINK TOO OFTEN WE PUT TOO >> H ON
I THINK TOO OFTEN WE PUT TOO >> EXACTLY.VALENTINE'S DAY.
IF YOU'RE SINGLE ON VALENTINE'S
DAY, YOU SINGLE BECAUSE YOU'RE
HOLDING.
HOLDING.
HOLDING. WHAT DO FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATE
REALLY MEAN AT THE END OF THE
DAY?
DAY?
DAY? NOT
DAY? NOT ALL MEN ARE DOGS.
I TALK ABOUT THIS.
I'M NOT A DOG.
HOWEVER, I SAY ALL MEN SHARE
THE SAME STRUGGLE.
THE STRUGGLE IS LUST.
THAT LUST IS NOT JUST FOR
WOMEN.
WOMEN.
WOMEN. IT'S PART OF THAT.
IT'S ALSO FOR MONEY, FOR POWER,
SUCCESS.
SUCCESS.
SUCCESS. I DEFINE LUST AS A SELFISH
IMPULSE SUCCESS.
IMPULSE SUCCESS. I NEFOR PERSONAL,
PROFESSIONAL, FINANCIAL, SEXUAL
FULFILLNESS BY ANY MEANS
PROFESSIONAL, FIEVEN IF THOSE A DETRIMENTAL.
DETRIMENTAL. EVERY MAN THAT HAS LUST HAS
LOVE.
LOVE.
LOVE. LOVE OF SELF, GOD, WOMAN IN
THEIR LIFE, FAMILY, COMMUNITY.
I CALL LUST THE DOG, LOVE THE
MASTER.
MASTER.
MASTER. WHEN WE LEARN TO MASTER THE
DOG, WHEN WE LEARN TO PUT LOVE
IN CONTROL OF LUST, THEN WE CAN
BECOME THE MEN WE WANT TO BE
AND ARE CREATED TO BE.
>> THOSE LESSONS COME
THROUGHOUT DIFFERENT PARTS OF
LIFE.
LIFE.
LIFE. FOR
LIFE. FOR YOU, AS A CHILD YOU WERE
RAISED BY STRONG WOMEN.
>> YES, I CHILD YOU WES.
I WAS RAISED BY STRONG WOMEN.
MY FATHER PASSED WHEN I WAS ISE
YEARS OLD.
YEARS OLD. MY MOTHER, GRANDMOTHER AND HER
SEVEN SISTERS RAISED IT SEEMS
TO ME MY TWO BROTHERS.
IT TOOK A VILLAGE OF STRONG
WOMEN TO RAISE US.
EVEN TODAY, MY GRANDMOTHER HAS
PASSED AND ONE OF MY AUNTS HAS
PASSED.
PASSED.
PASSED. MY MOM AND SIX AUNT IS LIVING.
I TALK TO THEM ALMOST EVERYDAY.
>> DO YOU THINK THAT GAVE YOU A
BETTER HEAD START IN TERMS OF
HOW YOU SEE WOMEN?
>> WITHOUT A DOUBT.
HAVING EXPOSURE TO WOMEN.
EVEN MORE SOW SO THAN JUST
WOMEN THEMSELVES, IT WAS MEN.
EVEN MORE
EVEN MORE
EVEN MORE PAIN.
PAIN.
PAIN. THAT'S WHAT REALLY CONVICTED ME
IN MY REAL TEENAGE YEARS.
THAT'S WHAT I'M AIM FOG --
AIMING TO RESOLVE IS PAIN.
WE HAVE CAUSED A LOT OF PAIN IN
THE LIVES OF WOMEN WE'RE NOT
ALWAYS ACCOUNTABLE FOR.
I WANTED TO WRITE A BOOK TO
ALLEVIATE PAIN FOR MEN AND
WOMEN.
WOMEN.
WOMEN. >>
WOMEN. >> YOU SAY MEN AND WOMEN.
A LOT OF TIMES WOMEN DON'T HOLD
MEN ACCOUNTABLE BECAUSE WE'RE
AFRAID THEY'RE NOT GOING TO
LIKE US.
LIKE US.
LIKE US. >> THAT'S TRUE.
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
HOLDING A MAN ACCOUNTABLE AND
NITPICKING.
NITPICKING. >> THERE'S A DIFFERENCE IN ACCO
BEHAVIOR.
BEHAVIOR.
BEHAVIOR. >> I DON'T FEEL YOU CAN
EXCHANGE SELF-RESPECT AND LOVE.
WOMEN THINK I CAN'T BE TOTALLY
HONEST BECAUSE I DON'T WANT HIM
TO LEAVE OR THINK OF ME AS A
CERTAIN WAY.
CERTAIN WAY. I WON'T HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE
FOR STUFF I CAN'T STAND.
>> I TALK ABOUT THIS IN THE
BOOK.
BOOK.
BOOK. I
BOOK. I USE THE METAPHOR OF AN
UNTRAINED DOG.
UNTRAINED DOG. THAT'S HOW LUST MAKES US
BEHAVE.
BEHAVE.
BEHAVE. WE HAVE NO DISCIPLINE, ONLY
WANT WHAT WE WANT.
IT'S PLEASURE FOR PLEASURE'S
SAKE.
SAKE.
SAKE. NTIFWHAT WE
NTIFWHAT WE AND -- IF YOU HAVE AN DOG TH
BATHROOM IN THE CORNER.
THEIR WAITING THEY'RE WAITING
TO SEE WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS NOT
RIGHT.
RIGHT.
RIGHT. WHEN THE OWNER COMES HOME, THE
DOG IS WAITING TO SEE ARE THEY
GOING TO HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE OR
GIVE ME A TREAT AND CLEAN IT
UP?
UP?
UP? >>
UP? >> LET'S GO TO THE LUST THING.
THAT WAS THE SOURCE OF ANOTHER
NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLING
BOOK THE WAIT.
YOU TWO DECIDED YOU WERE
WAITING UNTIL MARRIAGE SELLING
BOOK HAVE
BOOK HAVE
BOOK HAVE SEX.
SEX.
SEX. >>
SEX. >> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> WHY DID THAT COME UP IN YOU?
SHE HAD ALREADY DECIDE HAD THE
AS WELL.
AS WELL.
AS WELL. >> WHAT'S YOUR THOUGHT PROCESS?
>> THE SAME IDEA WITH THE TRUTH
ABOUT MEN.
ABOUT MEN. THE IDEA IT'S IMPORTANT TO HAVE
DISCIPLINE.
DISCIPLINE. FOR ME, I DIDN'T WANT TO -- I
WAS SINGLE, WAS GOING TO WAIT
UNTIL MARRIAGE WHEN I WAS 18.
DECIDED I WASN'T GOING TO WAIT
WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE WHEN I
CAME OUT OF COLLEGE, I WAS LIKE
I DON'T HAVE PEACE.
I WAS SUBSCRIBING TO WHAT MAN
HOOD IS.
HOOD IS.
HOOD IS. I SAID I'M GOING TO WAIT.
I DIDN'T WANT TO KEEP FEEDING
THE DOG WITHIN. GOG TO WANT TO
DISCIPLINE IN THAT AREA.
I'VE SEEN THE DESTRUCTION LACK
CAN REAP.
CAN REAP.
CAN REAP. >> YOU PUT THAT ENERGY INTO
OTHER THINGS?
OTHER THINGS? >> MY CAREER, WRITING BOOKS,
INTO DOING SOMETHING POSITIVE.
MEGAN AND I GOT TOGETHER YEARS
AFTER I MADE THE COMMITMENT.
SHE WAS WAITING TOO FOR SIMILAR
REASONS.
REASONS.
REASONS. >> WERE YOU AFRAID TO BRING IT
UP?
UP?
UP? >>
UP? >> I
UP? >> I WASN'T AS A MAN.
SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN.
WE BROUGHT IT UP, AND IT WAS
COOL.
COOL.
COOL. ONE
COOL. ONE REASON I WRITE ABOUT MEN IS
WE NEED MORE TRUTH.
SO MANY TIMES WE DON'T TELL
MORE THE TRUTH BECAUSE WE'RE
AFRAID.
AFRAID.
AFRAID. THAT'S PROBABLY THE VERY THIN'R
AFRAID.
AFRAID.
AFRAID. THAT'S PBA
THAT'S PBA WE SHOULD DO.
HERE'S THE REALITY, IF YOU'RE
DATE SOMEBODY THAT YOU TELL THE
TRUTH AND THEY LOCATION THEY
WERE GOING TO LEAVE ANY WAY.
IT'S BETTER TO TELL THEM UP
FRONT.
FRONT.
FRONT. >>
FRONT. >> ONE OF THE OTHER CHALLENGES
IS LIVING UP TO WHAT YOU THINK
SOCIETY THINKS YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO LIVE UP TO.
STRONG, TOUGH, NOT SUPPOSED TO
CRY.
CRY.
CRY. BEING WITH A LOT OF WOMEN,
YOU'RE A GUY -- WOMEN THINK
YOU'RE A PLAYER OR WHATEVER.
DATE, WE DON'T DATE.
WE'LL DATE ONE PERSON.
DATE WILL DATE AROUND UNTIL
THEY DECIDE WHAT DON'T TETHEY
WANT.
WANT.
WANT. HOW
WANT. HOW DO WE START TO SHIFT THOSE
HOW DO WETHAT REALLY
SHOULDN'T BE JUST NORMS?
>> THAT'S WHY I WROTE THE TRUTH
ABOUT MEN.
ABOUT MEN. PART IS INFORMATION.
HERE'S WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE
MEN.
MEN.
MEN. ALSO
MEN. ALSO GIVING WOMEN INFORMATION.
THIS IS FOR MEN AND WOMEN.
PART FOR WOMEN IS A LOT OF
WOMEN DON'T UNDERSTAND MEN.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU CAN BE
SUCCESSFUL WITH SOMETHING YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND.
DON'T UNDERSTAND. >> WHY WOMEN DON'T UNDERSTAND
MEN IS BECAUSE WE WANT TO
CHANGE OR CONTROL THEM.
WE WANT TO WRITE THE SCRIPT AND
WE NEED YOU TO DELIVER.
WE REALIZE YOUR GOING OFF THE
ASON I SAY THAT IS I HEAR
WOMEN TALKING HOW AWTHAT IS I HE
ARE.
ARE.
ARE. WE
ARE. WE BOTH DON'T UNDERSTAND EACH
OTHER.
OTHER.
OTHER. IF
OTHER. IF WOMEN SAY I'VE GOT IT
PLANNED OUT.
PLANNED OUT. I PUT YOUR LAST NAME WITH MY
FIRST NAME AND NAMED OUR KIDS.
YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL IN THE
SPACE AND KNOW THE PERSON
YOU'RE WITH.
YOU'RE WITH. >> KNOW THEM AND ALSO NOT PUT
YOUR EXPECTATIONS ON THAT
PERSON HOW THEY SHOULD HANDLE
SOMETHING VICE VERSA.
I WROTE THE BOOK ABOUT MINUTE
ABOUT MEN TO CREATE
COMMUNICATION.
COMMUNICATION. JUST BECAUSE THIS IS THWE
HANDLE IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT'S
THE WAY THEY'LL HANDLE HANDIT.
WE HAVE TO BE WITH SOMEBODY
WHERE THEY ARE NOT WHERE WE
HOPE THEY'LL BE.
HERE'S THE TRUTH.
YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYONE.
HOWEVER, AS A MAN, IF I REALLY
WANT TO BE THE MAN I'M CALLED
TO BE, I SHOULD INVOLVE THE
WOMAN THAT LOVES ME IN THE
PROCESS.
PROCESS.
PROCESS. >> YOU HAD SELF-AWARENESS EARLY
ON.
ON.
ON. WE
ON. WE MENTIONED BEING RAISED BY
STRONG WOMEN.
STRONG WOMEN. THERE'S A PICTURE YOU FOUND
THAT SOLIDIFIED THINGS HIM.
>> FOUND A PICTURE IN MY
TEENAGE A PICTURE OF MY FATHER,
MOTHER, A FAMILY MEMBER SITTING
MOTHTHE BED.
MOTHTHE BED. MY MOTHER WAS UPSET.
MY FATHER AND THE FEMALE FAMILY
MEMBER WERE SMILING.
IT WAS DEVASTATING.
YOU COULD SEE SOMETHING WAS
GOING ON.
GOING ON.
GOING ON. I DIDN'T KNOW EXACTLY.
I KNEW SOMETHING WAS HAPPENING.
I PERSISTED AND FINALLY FOUND
OUT A FAMILY MEMBER TOLD ME MY
FATHER HAD AN AFFAIR WITH THE
FAMILY MEMBER IN THE PICTURE.
THAT WAS DEVASTATING.
MY FATHER CHEATED ON MY MOTHER.
IF HE CHEATED, AND COULDN'T BE
FAITHFUL, WHAT DOES THAT SAY
ABOUDOES THAT BECAME
PERPLEXED WITH THIS IDEA.
CAN BECAME
CAN BECAME BE FAITHFUL?
BE FAITHFUL? IS IT POSSIBLE NOT TO CHEAT?
THESE WERE QUESTIONS THAT
MOTIVATED ME.
MOTIVATED ME. I'VE BEEN ON A JOURNEY EVER
SINCE TO GET ANSWERS TO.
>> WE'RE NOT GOING TO GIVE AWAY
EVERYTHING.
EVERYTHING. COUPLE OF POINTS.
MASTERING THE DOG, SPECIFICALLY
WHAT DO YOU DO?
>> FIRST OF ALL ACKNOWLEDGE AND
ACCEPT.
ACCEPT.
ACCEPT. ANYTHING WE DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE,
WE CANNOT CHANGE.
SO OFTEN THE WAYS OF OUR DOG,
THE WAYS OF LUST GO SUPPRESSED.
AS MEN, WE DON'T WANT TO
OF LUST LOT OF TIMES WE'RE NOT
TO REALIZE THAT'S NOT THE LOVE
IN OF TIMES WE'RE THAT'S THE LU
WHY DO WE WANT MORE?
THE FIRST IS ACKNOWLEDGING.
THE SECOND THING IS UNDERSTAND
THE MASTER IN YOU IS WHO YOU
REALLY WANT TO BE.
THE MASTER IS STRONG,
COMMITTED, PUTS THE GREATER
GOOD, INLE CONTROL, HAS
DISCIPLINE.
DISCIPLINE. THAT MASTER IS POWERFUL.
SOMETHING ELSE IS VERY
PRACTICAL.
PRACTICAL. HOW YOU MANAGE URGES.
SO OFTEN, WHEN AN IS , HOW DO Y
>> RAINFALL HEY HONEY -- HEY
HONEY, I SIGNED UP FOR THE
MARATHON.
MARATHON.
MARATHON. >> YOU CAN MAKE IT A POSITIVE
IMAGE.
IMAGE.
IMAGE. >>
IMAGE. >> EXACTLY.
>> EXACTLY. SO OFTEN AS MEMBER, WE'RE TOLD
TO GIVE OURSELVES OVER TO URGES
INSTEAD OF SAYING I'M GOING TO
GET SELF-CONTROL.
GET SELF-CONTROL. >> GIVING YOURSELF OVER TO
URGES SOMETIMES SHIFTS YOU --
SOMETIMES SHUTS YOU DOWN.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. THIS IS WHY OUR INTEGRITY,
CHARACTER, CAREERS >> YES.
THIS IS VES
CAN BE COMPROMISED.
WE'RE DEPP PENDENT ON FEEDING
URGES
URGES
URGES CAN
URGES CAN BE IN A DETRIMENTAL WAY.
>> LOOK AT THE ME TOO MOVEMENT
WHEN WOMEN WERE TOLD YOU DO
THIS, AND I'LL DO THIS FOR YOU.
OBJECT IDENTIFIE, WE HAVE TO
CHANGE THAT MIND SET OF WOMEN
BEING ON -- BEING OBJECT --
OBJECTIFIED IN SOCIETY.
>> DON'T MANIPULATE HER FOR
YOUR OWN GOOD IN THE YOU MOVE
ELSE.
ELSE.
ELSE. SHE'S LEFT DEALING WITH THAT VE
FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.
BE INTENTIONAL.
BE INTENTIONAL. >> THIS OPENED THE DOOR TO SAY
THIS ISN'T COOL ANYMORE.
RIGHT?
RIGHT?
RIGHT? >>
RIGHT? >> EXACTLY.
>> EXACTLY. >> WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A BREAK.
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE