- The news this week was once again filled
with footage of marches across the country.
But this time, they weren't organized
by petulant children demanding gun control.
No, instead, it was the pesky people who teach them.
- [News Anchor] In Oklahoma and Kentucky,
thousands of teachers taking to the streets,
marching on their state capitals.
Teachers in this deep red state,
with some of the worst pay in the country,
are riding a growing wave of anger
over cuts to public education.
- Enjoy it while it lasts, teachers!
Surfing that wave of anger is the closest thing
to a beach vacation you'll ever be able to afford!
(audience laughing)
For these teachers, the demands are
about much more than higher salaries.
In fact, the governor of Oklahoma
approved the raise for teachers and they still walked out.
- [News Anchor] Last week, she signed a measure
that gave teachers a $6,000 pay raise,
but only added an additional 50 million to school funding.
Teachers were asking for 200 million more.
- Teachers want more, but it's kinda like
having a teenage kid that wants a better car.
- Well, it's more like a teenager who wants any car,
because the car they're driving right now
is a horse on a skateboard.
(audience laughing)
But I understand the governor's frustration.
I want kids to have a good education,
but it's hard to feel bad for teachers because,
frankly, a lot of them are (bleeps).
(audience laughing)
They were always making me learn things
that I'd never use as an adult.
Like geometry or condoms.
(audience laughing)
Sure, some teachers are wonderful people
who inspire children to learn,
but others are just sociopaths
who (bleeps) with your self esteem.
I had this one teacher, Mr. Gamblin,
who said I'd never amount to anything,
and that I should stop talking
in class because I wasn't funny.
Well, (audience laughing)
I'm gonna call him right now.
I memorized his number.
Hello.
Is Mr. Gamblin there?
Oh, he's not?
Well, I'd like to leave him a message.
Write this down.
No, no, no, I'm talking right now.
You write this down.
Tell him that Jim Jeffries called.
The guy who he said was never funny.
Well, guess what?
Guess who has his own (bleeps).
Oh.
Oh, I see, oh.
What, what kind of cancer?
(audience laughing)
Oh, that is a bad one.
That takes over the body very quickly.
(audience laughing)
Well, I'm sorry for your loss.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
Bye bye.
(audience laughing)
That was Mrs. (audience clapping)
That was Mrs. Gamblin.
Look, we have to, we had a whole lot
of other jokes about Mr. Gamblin,
but in the prompter, but you keep scrolling.
No, can't say that, that's.
(audience laughing)
That's even more hurtful.
That's not funny anymore.
Okay, a little bit more.
Okay, okay, we're back in.
And your wife is an ugly.
No, we're not quite there.
(audience laughing)
Quite, a bit, bit more.
Here we are, here we are,
here we are, here we are.
Yes, kids should have textbooks,
I do agree with that.
(audience laughing)
On average, teacher's salaries have been decreasing
since 1997 and that has a real impact on students.
According to one study, a 10% increase in teacher's pay
could produce a five to 10% increase in student performance.
Which makes sense, a teacher's whose life is in shambles
doesn't give a (bleeps) about algebra.
Okay, if one train leaves the station at 30 miles an hour
and another train leaves the station at 50 miles an hour,
does it really matter who gets there first if I'm 42
and living in the back of a Toyota Yaris?
(audience laughing)
Anyway, the correct answer is vodka.
(audience laughing)
It's always vodka.
And salaries aside, state funding for education
has fallen more than 5% nationally.
In Oklahoma, it's down 15%.
In Arizona, more than 36%
and some schools are simply falling apart.
- [News Anchor] Things like moldy school walls,
cracked floors as well as tattered textbooks
and battered chairs.
- Many of our students have textbooks
that are older than them.
9/11 is not in some of our textbooks.
- Can you imagine not learning about 9/11?
That's bad for everyone
except for Oklahoma's one Muslim student,
Akeem Bin Laden.
That kid's doing great.
(audience laughing)
The issues go beyond states where strikes are happening.
America is already looking at a teacher shortage.
- We have teacher shortages in various areas.
Included in those would be special education,
math and science.
There's a statistic that half the teachers
leave the profession within the first five years.
- Of course teachers are leaving.
People need to be paid well to spend time
with children who aren't theirs
because kids who aren't yours are (bleeps) awful.
(audience laughing)
Nobody sits down on a flight next to a three-year-old
and goes, "Oh, good, I'm next to a three-year-old."
And, if you do say that, you have bigger problems.
(audience laughing)
But the tide might be turning.
- What is your message to lawmakers?
- There's nowhere to run and hide.
This is bigger than party politics.
For instance, maybe they would say,
"Well, you're a Democrat, you're not
"gonna vote for me anyway."
I'm a Republican.
- What?
- And remember, this is the same legislature
who's found money to give themselves
several raises over the last few years
but they're trying to tell us
they can't put a textbook in every kid's hand.
We're not buying it, ma'am, we're not buying it.
- Well said, sir, and good for you.
You're only trying to do what's right
for your students and the government
is calling you the bad guys.
That's not right.
And educated people would understand this
but nobody's educated anymore
partly because the school's are so bad.
Then those uneducated people grow up
and vote to take money away from schools
and we keep getting dumber and dumber and dumber.
Soon, the Oklahoma school production of Oklahoma
is gonna sound like this.
♪ You're doing great Oklahoma, Oklahoma ♪
♪ O-K-L-A-H ♪
I wanna say W?
P?
A backwards seven?
♪ Oklahoma ♪