'Satan, where are you? Come out and fight.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘What are you doing to us Lord?’
I remember the surprise I had first hearing the voice of silent comedian Buster Keaton,
'If anyone else says it's like old times, I'll jump out the winda.'
wasn’t what I expected.
And this is often the case when you hear the voices of people you’ve seen only in pictures.
‘Orlando San Miguel, hear us, your uncle Miguel needs you.'
This is Filipino film The Killing of Satan, alternating devout religiosity,
with batshit crazy.
We open with a fight between village mystic, Uncle Miguel and the evil Prince of Magic.
Huh, that didn’t have much effect,
much better. And the Prince follows it up with a display of magic that will make your head spin.
The encounter leaves Miguel on his death bed and he must choose a successor.
Not Renzo as everyone assumed, but...
‘It’s Lando’
He’s a scoundrel, you’ll like him.
But Lando doesn’t live nearby so must be contacted.
‘Lando’
In his dreams. Though to be honest, I’m not sure what the message is supposed to be…
'Lando!'
Don’t worry, I’ll stop that for you.
I’m okay.
Amazingly, this does bring Lando home by boat, watched by a mysterious child.
I bet I can hit them from here.
He learns the truth about his late Uncle.
‘He wasn’t an ordinary man, he had strange powers’
but the Prince and his followers return, their magic as effective as ever.
I don’t know why we bother magic, it’s a lot of effort,
for very little reward and you might just as well punch ‘em.
Renzo teaches Lando to use the magic he has inherited.
‘Raise your left hand.’
Never the less, the Prince kidnaps Lando’s daughter and Renzo’s girlfriend and puts them in his cage of naked girls.
'The black ribbons around their neck are a symbol of my powers over them.'
Renzo leads the way to the Prince of Magic’s lair.
‘See that big hole there?’ ‘ There’s a way through that leads to the main cavern of the Prince of Magic, but it’s pretty risky so we’d better take the other way round.’
But I thought I’d show it to you anyway, it’s not like we’re in a hurry.
As they travel they encounter jumping snakes
and snake men. And there was a presumably a moment where someone said...
‘I like the make-up, but how do we hide his package?’
Not sure they nailed it.
After they split up, and Renzo finds his girlfriend, but, now under the Prince’s control the reunion doesn't go as planned,
she tears his face off, before her breasts explode.
Lando has more luck, finding his daughter.
‘They say I’m to become the bride of the ruler – the master of the Prince of Magic’
but only the Prince can touch the cage.
‘And where is he?’ ‘I don’t know Dad’
It’s not like they give us a tour!
So Lando leaves having achieved nothing.
‘Prince of Magic! Relieve my daughter!’
But the Prince has other ideas,
Lando is saved by a strange old man who gives him a weapon.
‘That will be your principal weapon against the Prince of Magic’
Yeah, do you have a gun?
He also learns the identity of his daughter’s fiancée.
‘Who is the master?’ ‘Satan’
But who is this old man?
‘Those who love me call me their father.’
We haven’t reviewed many films with God in.
The devil is more common and this one, seems straight out of Santa Claus Vs the Devil.
Please subscribe to see our review of that.
He gets changed for his wedding, putting on a tux and about thirty pounds,
We’re watching the English dub of this and whoever did the translation,
decided to keep things casual, so earlier here’s Renzo and Lando splitting up to tackle the Prince,
knowing they may not survive the encounter.
‘Take care now’ ‘Take it easy’
Lando reunited with his daughter but unable to rescue her,
‘by the way, where’s Louisa?’
Just doesn’t capture the drama.
Now Lando sets out to save his daughter and defeat Satan.
‘I’d better be going then’
Again he meets the Prince and a magic battle ensues.
In which Lando loses his magic staff.
What will he do?
Screw it, I’ll just punch him.
Or throw a rock at him.
Lando continues to search for his daughter but…
‘Please help me son’
Even going to save his daughter a hero will stop and help an old lady,
but what’s she doing down here?
‘Where are you staying?’
‘It’s there. Down that lane.’
You live in the Prince of Magic’s caves? that’s a tad suspicious,
‘Here, take my cane.’
but Lando helps her home.
I may have made an error.
Then again.
I can look for my daughter later, I’m sure she’s fine.
But…
One woman turns into a snake, the others into dogs.'
In the version we watched, Lando’s escape is weirdly offscreen,
and the idiot has left his staff behind so faces Satan weaponless.
‘I will fight you as a mortal’
Why? Never the less it goes badly for Lando.
Until…
‘Dear God, help me’
This time, look after it.
And so to the ending that, frankly, the title kind of gives away.
This is a bad film, certainly the dubbed version has issues.
‘This isn’t the cemetery, this is the sea.’
It starts off very dull but I can only guess that partway through someone said,
how about we just make it insane.
'I freed you from the prince of magic.'
'Thank you sir.'
Watch it. But maybe just once.
‘You will be greatly rewarded’
Thanks for watching. Please punch the like button.
Has any other film made magic as pointless as this one?
Let us know in the comments below.
'I'm afraid, I'll be leaving you all.'