Michael: Alright.
Ray: You're an asshole.
Gavin: Why?
Ray: He's all excited.
Michael: Oh, well thats...
Michael: That's pretty harsh.
Gavin: Nice haircut Ray.
Michael: Oof.
Ray: [PUERTO RICAN WAR CRY]
[everyone laughing]
Michael: Alright.
Michael: 178 gigs, hopefully --
Michael: [laughing] -- it'll be enough.
[Gavin snorts]
Michael: Did you burp through your nose? You're like,
[mimics Gavin's noise]
Gavin: Oh, it fizzed up.
Michael: Are you alright?
Gavin: Yeah.
Michael: You gonna be okay?
Gavin: OOOOHHHHHHH yes Michael.
Michael: How do we sync to the camera?
Michael: Should we do like a thing?
Gavin: Well, we sync...
Gavin: ...the uhh, camera, to the sound...
Gavin: ...like this:
Gavin: [inhales sharply]
Gavin: [claps and whacks arm on the microphone]
Michael: Dude, like when he claps, that's when it goes.
[phone rings in the game] Michael: Alright.
Gavin: Gives you wings, Ray. Michael: Someone answer the fucking phone!
Michael: Jesus! [Gavin laughs]
Michael: Alright, go over the drill.
Gavin: Yeah.
Michael: Boom. Got it.
Gavin: [snickering] God’s sake… Michael: Gavin.
Gavin: Oh! [laughing] Michael: Don’t drill directly into his fucking brain.
Michael: I like how you're drilling the tarp off of him.
[Gavin wheezes]
Michael: Okay. Got that? Boom.
Michael: Look at that grip.
Michael: Like a 13-year-old jerking off. Gavin: [laughing] We seem to be using the blunt end here.
Michael: Yeah. You -- You're sawing with the wrong side.
Michael: There you go! There you go. Twist your arm. Gavin: That’s —
Gavin: I --
Michael: There you...go?
Michael: Gavin. Gavin. Gavin: [laughing] For God’s sake...There we go!
Gavin: Alright.
Michael: Fucking, pick it up again. Put your hand down.
Gavin: [laughing] He's bleeding!
Michael: Put your hand down!
Gavin: Stop the bleeding!
Michael: PUT YOUR HAND ON THE HANDLE AND LET THE END--
Gavin: MY BLOODY WATCH! Michael: STOP LOSING YOUR FUCKING WATCH!!
Michael: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!
Michael: Here we go, you ready?
Gavin: Grab it!
Michael: Boosh!
Michael: ...Didn't get it.
[Gavin laughing]
Michael: Alright.
Michael: Woah, what the fuck was that? Gavin: Ahhh, I just bloody — we’re on drugs!
Michael: YOU JUST STABBED YOURSELF!!
[Gavin noises]
Michael: Okay, so now we're high as fuck, performing surgery.
Gavin: I WANT THE ORANGE BURST!
Michael: Oh my God.
Gavin: GIVE ME THE ORANGE BURST! Michael: That — that was not Orange Burst.
Michael: I think there was something else in there.
Michael: What the fuck, dude. Gavin: Wooaaahh.
Gavin: It’s — it’s like he’s coming right at me! Michael: Gavin. Gavin.
Gavin: Look at this!
Gavin: Auuughhh, dude.
Gavin: Auuu-hauuughh, I'm messed up!
Gavin: Waaugghh!
Gavin: Okay, let's -- let's try and preserve this --
Michael: We're gonna rip that through his bones. Gavin: Bloody drill’s still going!
Michael: Alright!
[Jack wheezing]
Michael: Fucking God damn dude.
Gavin: The scalpels are over this side.
Michael: Okay. Okay, ready? This is gonna be precision.
Gavin: Bloody hammer the lung.
Michael: O-kay. Got everything BUT the fucking scalpel. [Gavin laughing]
Gavin: Alright Michael: I just picked up the whole tray.
Michael: HOLY -- HE'S FUCKING BLEEDING EVERYWHERE!!
Michael: LOOK AT HIM!!
Michael: Holy shit. Ho-ly shit.
Gavin: I DON’T KNOW HOW TO CUT THIS! Michael: Look at him.
Gavin: I can't cut it!
Michael: Try — just — ohhh, there it goes. Gavin: Aw, don’t drop it!
Michael: C -- I don't know --
Michael: I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO GET THE HEART! Gavin: GOD DAMN IT, I DON'T KNOW HOW T --
Michael: Okay! Go to the right! Fuck it! Go to the right.
Michael: Grab the buzzsaw, I don't care.
Gavin: B — brilliant. I’m gonna stab myself with the damn needles again.
Michael: Yeah, whatever, he’s gonna bleed to death anyway. Okay --
Michael: Aww, fuck. Okay, hang on.
Michael: No, don't knOCK IT OFF THE TABLE!!
Gavin: Wait!
Michael: W -- it's gone. It's too far. It's too far gone.
Gavin: SCISSORS!
Michael: Fucking Christ.
Michael: Grab the whole box!
[Gavin laughing] Michael: BOX OF SCISSORS!! Fucking chuck that in there!
Michael: Did that solve the problem?!
Michael: Just fucking -- just plunge it into his chest and finish it.
Gavin: I'm drilling my own arm! Ow! OW!
Michael: [laughing] God DAMMIT.
Michael: Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang o --
Both: OOOOOOHHHHHHH!
Michael: Go fuck yourself, you fuck!
Gavin: Again!
Michael: Dude, diddle his peepee! Diddle his peepee.
Michael: Go down. Go down, ready? Look: [Gavin laughing]
Michael: Lo -- [laughing] hang on, hang on, hang on.
Michael: Hang o -- stop. Stop. Stop moving?
Michael: [high pitched diddling noises] [everyone losing it]
Michael: Gootchie-gootchie-goo!
Gavin: Alright! Michael: Gootchie-gootchie--[laughing]
Gavin: [giggling] Now that you're done diddling!
Michael: Holy SHIT. Gavin: Oh, bloody Hell! Bloody ma -- [laughing]
Gavin: The Big Bang just happened right in the middle of his chest. Michael: C’mon.
Michael: Fucking PULL. Put your back into it.
Gavin: NGH!! Michael: PULL IT!
Michael: Pull — oh my — Gavin: GET OUT!
Michael: You're so close, dude.
Michael: THERE you go. Okay. Gavin: OH! There we go. There we go.
Michael: I don't think we can get that middle -- oh you j --
Michael: OH my God, he's dead.
Gavin: Oh, how do I do that?!
Michael: [spluttering noises] STOP CUTTING HIM UP!!
Gavin: [laughing] Je-sus!
Michael: HE'S DEAD!!
Gavin: I don't -- !
Michael: YOU KILLED HIM, LIKE, IN TWO SECONDS!!
Gavin: [groans of regret]
Michael: What the fuck is wrong with us?
Michael: What do we have, like, polio?
Michael: What is all over our hands and shit? Gavin: Yeah, it’s — it’s like, uh, like...
Gavin: ...AID measles or something.
Michael: It's probably AID measles.
Gavin: That's -- What's this little kidney thing? Is that his, like, liver or something?
Michael: GET IT OUT OF --
Gavin: OOOOHHHH! OOOHH! UGGHH! Michael: oH MY GOD! It's stretchy, UUUGGGHH!
Michael: UUGGGHHH, WE RIPPED IT OUT! Gavin: Ohh-ho, we ripped it off!
Michael: Holy shit!
Gavin: Euugh! Oh! Michael: Oh my God, I don’t know if we were supposed to do that.
Gavin: Let's get rid of that, it's making me feel ill.
Michael: It looks like a piece of doodoo!
Michael: Just throw it on the floor. Just -- just -- Gavin: [laughing] It looks like…
Michael: Just get rid of it. Gavin: Alright.
Michael: I'm not putting that back in anyway. Ready?
Gavin: Woo! Alright. Michael: Get ready to chuck it.
Michael: Go left.
Michael: No, SWING to the left and I'll let go.
Gavin: Alright. Go!
Michael: No, s -- [sigh]
Michael: Go [swooshing noise]
Gavin: Alright. Michael: Whip it.
Michael: HUAGH!
[both burst out laughing]
Gavin: Bloody [gibberish] Michael You fucking hit him in the head...
Gavin: He’s got an extra pillow now. Michael: …with a piece of shit.
Michael: WILL YOU STOP FUCKING WITH HIS HEAD?! [Gavin laughing]
Michael: He needs a fucking double kidney transplant!
Gavin: Alright! Let's do --
Michael: Not, fucking...Rogaine!
Gavin: Let's -- how about we look at th -- the new kidney
Gavin: to see what the kidneys are. Michael: Oh, that’s a good idea!
Michael: Except he needs a double transplant.
Gavin: Ahh. God.
Gavin: Looks like beans.
Michael: Right. That's why they're called kidney beans.
Gavin: Ahh, right! [laughing]
Michael: [sarcastically] You've solved the mystery!
Gavin: Oh look at the — Michael: What is that thing?!
Michael: Look to the right! Look to the right. Go to the right.
Michael: What is that?
Gavin: It's a bag of blood.
Michael: No, underneath the bag of blood. On the table.
Michael: What is that -- what is that thing?
Gavin: Oh, it's like a bloody radio or something.
Michael: That's...not a radio at all.
Gavin: Oh! OH! Michael: What is THIS?? We just yanked something!
Gavin: Bloody laser cutter!
Michael: IT'S A LASER BEAM!!
Gavin: OH MY GOD.
Michael: Ho shit
Gavin: WOOAAA! WOAH! Michael: Dude, we’re slicing him with a laser beam!
Gavin: WOAH! Michael: Ho-ly SHIT.
Gavin: JEE-SUS!
Michael: WHADDA WE GOT --
Michael: WHO’S GIVING US LASERS?! [Gavin cackling]
Gavin: They -- why do they trust us -- AAAHHH!!
Gavin: AAAHH! Michael: GAVIN!
Gavin: Bloody gave him laser eye surgery!
Michael: You just have him a fucking scar.
Gavin: Let go?
Michael: Good thing we didn't laser the fucking tab --
Michael: Aww, dude, it just floats -- Oh God no.
Gavin: AAAHHH!
Michael: JESUS.
Gavin: It’s cutting the new ones up! Michael: IT'S LIKE A FUCKING
Michael: BATMAN TRAP NOW! Gavin: STOP!
GAVIN: ST — [laughing] Michael: NO!
Gavin: Where'd it go?
[both screaming]
Gavin: JESUS!
Michael: Goddammit, it's like a trap in the Temple of Doom!
Gavin: Get out of here, dude!
Gavin: Get out of — ! Michael: Look at this fucking thing!
Michael: GAVIN! Gavin! Gavin.
Gavin: AAHHH!
Michael: You're LASERING HIS FACE OFF.
Gavin: Look at it! Michael: He looks like Anakin Skywalker now!
Michael: Do we have to get -- are all of his...pieces out?
Michael: OH MY GOD! Gavin: WOAAAHH!
Gavin: AAHH! AAAHHH! Michael: HOLY shit. Oh it’s connected!
Michael: It’s connected! Okay — Gavin: Ohh, it looks like a bloody —
Michael: JEEEESUS CHRIST!
Gavin: -- gaping anus in the top of his head. Michael: My GOD!
Gavin: Oh -- let go, let go.
Gavin: Alright, grab it? Michael: It’s like Krang!
Michae: I don't think we can pop it out, I think we need to slice that.
Michael: Yeah, we do. Gavin: Alright, let’s — bloody —
Michael: s -- STOP SLAPPING HIS BRAIN!!!
Michael: STOP SLAPPING HIS BRAIN!!!
Gavin: Do we have like a — Michael: HE NEEDS IT!!!
Michael: GENTLY. GENTLY.
Michael: Lower your hand into the man's EMPTY SKULL. Gavin: Wedge it.
Gavin: Wedge it!
[both cheering]
Michael: Fucking finally! Gavin: Perfect!
Both: C!
Michael: Alright.
Gavin: Woo! Michael: Dude, another achievement!
Michael: We are tearing though this shit! Gavin: Didn’t even need the battle axe.
Gavin: Did we even keep out wa -- ?
Gavin: Nope. We didn't.
[Gavin laughing] Michael: No, it’s fine.