Let's start things off with a
mysterious story from Charles County,
Maryland, where a man was found
dead in his home and pomfret,
which investigators say contained 124
venomous and non venomous snakes. We're
told deputies responded to the home
after receiving a tip from a neighbor
that that man was unconscious.
The deputies found the man
dead surrounded by snakes,
including a 14 foot Burmese Python.
Now let me start by saying there is nothing
funny about this man's death at all.
He was a member of our community
and that is nothing to joke about.
The snakes, on the other hand,
I have questions.
Why would anybody anybody need
or want to own that many snakes?
Like once you get past five
or six of any animal?
Now you living it in their home.
You are no longer the head of household.
The balance of power has shifted.
Cold blooded authorities claim there's no
evidence that any of the snakes got loose.
So by the way, there's no need for
neighbors to move out and terror,
but just so you know,
keeping venomous snakes as pets.
Is illegal in Maryland?
Please don't get any ideas from this.
First, we had Moe exotic in his
zebras and Prince Georges County.
Now we got this residential snake
pit in Charles County. What's next?
A hippo farm and Anne Arundel?
Hey, don't y'all get any ideas?
Y'all are doing way too much
with your free time already.
Nachos this next story out of Crystal City,
Virginia. 'cause it's a wild one.
The Arlington County Board is set
to renew use permits for bolero,
a bowling alley that has dozens.
Of complaints to its name,
people who live in the apartment building
above it, call police for fights.
Drunk and loud patrons.
Indecent exposure and damaged property.
They hit for the cycle.
Makes you think they really should
be producing more worldstar content.
Come on ballaro, where's this content?
What is going on in Crystal City
that bowling alley sounds like
the bar from Roadhouse.
Clearly they need to bring in
Patrick Swayze's ghost to come in
and deliver some Roundhouse kicks
just to settle things down a bit
and leave it to Northern Virginia.
Define a way to make bowling exciting.
They combine the thrill of friendly
competition with a side order of MA
and just a dash of cops sprinkled
in for good measure.
The list of things people called the
police about at Bolero in 2021 is extensive,
so I'll highlight some of the greatest hits.
January 19th intoxicated patrons
sitting outside crying or April
six female outside exposed herself.
How about May 4th former employee
spit in somebody's face?
How about we move down in November 28th
intoxicated female needed a ride home.
This was around Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving.
Let's hope this bowling alley and their
patrons can find some chill in 2022
because all chill was nonexistent last year.
Hey,
I'm rooting for you bolero or as our
writer Leon Scott called you boleros,
shout out to him for blackening that up.
Now we're headed to Denver, Co.
For the next story because you know,
Reese loves the animals you know.
Unless it's like hundreds of snakes.
Workers at a Denver Ark thrift
store were surprised to find a
family's missing pet cat lounging
inside of a donated recliner.
Problem.
The cat, nicknamed monticola,
seemed unbothered,
which is absolutely on brand as
far as cab behavior is concerned.
But I mean, look at my does, does it
look like Monte Kilo wanted to be found?
Just look at the look on his
face when it was returned to us.
Doesn't look happy to you.
It looked happier in that couch.
Now this is not a happy expression
that is the face of a hostage.
This cat is thinking almost made
it to freedom. I was that close.
Now Monteilh actually looks so defeated
right now, probably thanks to that name,
'cause that's way too many syllables.
Then again, this is a house cat with
loving owners who actually wanted it back.
How hard can its life really be?
Go ahead, walk it off monticelo.
And lastly I chose this story out of Miami,
'cause it might be the greatest
example of big dad energy ever,
an American Airlines flight
from Miami to London.
Turned around and headed back to the
US after an unruly passenger refused
to wear a face mask during the flight,
that pilot was like I turned this whole
plane around and I mean it one more time.
One more time I'm turning this plane
around she is lucky there were no
trees up there in the air or else
the pilot might have followed.
Would go get a switch.
This story triggers memories for
everybody whose childhood was
in the era before timeouts.
Now my mom turned the car around
one time on a trip to Pizza Hut.
And I never called her bluff again.
Now I'm a new dad,
so I know that one day I'm going
to have to issue the I'll turn
this car around threat to my child.
By the way, she can't watch the show.
She's too young to understand English.
I don't really actually want to turn
it around. How do y'all do this?
Parents,
I hope to have the strength and
resolve to follow through with it,
like this pilot and crew 'cause I
know the other 128 passengers on
that flight were ready to curse that
Lady out for delaying their travel
plans because she wouldn't cover her
nose and mouth like everybody else.
They lost a whole chunk of their vacation.
Over her nonsense,
I'm sure they were willing to
cover her nose in mouth for her.
My favorite story you guys know.
I like bolero for the sheer ratchetness,
but I love the pilot that turned
the whole plane around.
I aspire to someday reach that
level of petty when making a point.