This Sponsored Saturday (Wednesday!) is brought to you by Lenovo.
Lenovo has really leaned into improving our "me" time.
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There are quite a few reasons why I love it for ASMR.
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I can hear the ear-to-ear on this.
If you'd like to give your ASMR "me time" an upgrade,
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and check out their special holiday deals.
Thank you Lenovo, so much for sponsoring tonight's video,
and thank YOU for watching!
Why hello. Look who it is.
You missed our 3:00 AM appointment eleven months ago.
I apologize, this was the next available booking time I had.
I'm in very high demand, as you can imagine.
Very. Very high demand.
Higher in demand than Dr. Natalie Poofman, I can assure you.
Now, it might seem alarming
that you haven't been treated by me in well almost a year's time...
But to be treated by someone inferior would do
irreparable damage that could not compare to simply waiting
for my availability, so...
I applaud your patience... tells me a great deal about you.
Do you have your paperwork?
Good.
I'll be taking that.
Thank you.
Let's take a look here.
Hmm...
hmm...
Interesting.
I see.
Did you fill this out in the dark, perhaps?
Don't be afraid of the light, there's nothing you can't handle.
The world is simply ridiculous, being intimidated is...
unnecessary.
How have your symptoms been?
Oh, you have symptoms alright. Terrible.
Terrible symptoms, but fear not.
I have the answers, of course.
Your mortal ailments are no match for
modern breakthroughs, and my
unparalleled analytical prowess.
Now.
I must ask you some follow-up questions from our last appointment.
I can only assume what's been going on up in that head of yours.
And I shan't assume; I must know!
It's the only way it will work.
I must be familiar with every crevice of your wrinkly brain.
To lie to me is simply futile.
These questions are all mandatory, do you concede?
Luckily, I will also be able to discern whether you are lying to yourself, so
don't hurt yourself thinking too hard.
Alright, let's pull them up.
What is your preferred ratio of chocolate chips to cookie
in a chocolate chip cookie?
I see.
What is the last word that you input into
an online thesaurus;
and what word did you ultimately end up choosing?
Mhm.
Ok.
Hairless cats, hairless rats... what's next?
Intriguing.
How often do you find yourself thinking about dinosaurs?
How many lemons does Lulu really need?
Do you find yourself compelled to howl at the moon
when under the ideal circumstances... of course?
*unintelligible sounds of agreement*
*speaks in German*
Jas, gut, ok.
Does Blake Lively
live bleakly?
Astute.
Who do you pick when playing Mario Kart?
What about Mario Party?
Hmm... no, I don't need to know about Mario Tennis.
That's irrelevant.
What singular insult would you use to decimate your enemies?
Striking. Striking.
Ok.
Your answers neither surprise nor concern me.
In fact, I had already pre-written your responses,
asking you them was simply a formality.
Now, next we have some...
somatic testing, ok.
Here we are.
What color is this?
What color is the top of this right here?
What.. what is that?
Are you sure?
Ok. Alright.
Take a look at these.
How many pencils are there?
How many?
What makes you say that?
Ok.
I see.
What material is this made out of?
What material?
Really?
Is that--is that the answer you want to go with?
That's--that's the one? Ok.
Alright.
Now...
What sound is this making?
What sound is that?
To your little ears?
Would you like to reconsider that?
Ok. Alright, I see.
And...
What shape is this?
What shape would you say that this is?
And you would like to stand by that statement with no hesitation?
Alright.
I lied, that was purely psychological.
I will never lie to you, except for when I do,
in which case I will immediately disclose it to you.
Proper communication and all.
Now I want you to go ahead and do one more test for me.
I want you to whisper a secret
into this ear of truth.
I won't listen, and that I'm not lying to you about
nor am I lying to you and then will tell you that I'm lying afterwards,
I'm truly not lying; I want you to whisper something
into this ear of truth that you don't want me to know.
Whispered quietly, otherwise I will hear it by accident and that won't be my fault,
that will be your fault for whispering too loudly.
I won't look, I won't read your lips.
I won't.
I love reading lips, my favorite pastime;
but I won't do it.
Alright.
Thank you.
Finally, we have a scale measurement evaluation.
Now, I'm going to set up the scale here.
And I'm going to let you know which scale
we are going to be utilizing today.
Ok.
Alright, oh--
this is a nice scale.
We have from abhor...
to adore.
Now abhor, these are things that you absolutely loathe.
Then we have hate, something that you detest,
but not as much as loathe and abhor.
Dislike, you are not a fan--you're not a fan at all.
Neutral; things you genuinely
have no feelings about one way or another.
Like; these things improve your state of being,
you enjoy them.
Love. Highly coveted by you.
Something you seek out, you prefer to be in your life.
And then, adore...
You're obsessed and you cannot get enough.
You absolutely adore it. Ok.
So.
You got that correctly?
Abhor, hate, dislike, neutral, like, love, adore.
Ok.
I'm going to list some things and you tell me where it stands
on that scale of abhor to adore.
Banana pudding.
Sitting in the front row of a rollercoaster.
Vintage spoons.
Shibu Inus... don't overthink it.
Ok.
Origami?
Mhm.
Blue mascara.
The Oxford Comma.
The given name, "Bartholomew".
How do you feel about that? how does that affect your life? Ok.
Good.
Comic Sans.
What about Dyson Airblade hand dryers?
Alright.
The beach.
Barley tea.
A nice, hot cup of barley tea.
Ok, some prefer it iced.
A rousing game of darts.
Rousing. Yes, ok.
B.O.G.O sales.
Buy one, get one.
You are familiar? Ok.
And the great beyond?
Alright, let me calculate this scale.
And I do believe...
I have everything...
that I need--a perfectly complete summary
of your inner workings as of this moment in time.
Now this information will be used to
enhance your life.
Improve upon your shortcomings.
You will need to partake in my strict regimented protocol
if you want to see results in 1-2 years.
I will type up document,
print it out,
and bind it in leather for your perusal.
However, I have reached my daily limit of printer ink at the local library;
so I will have to circle back with that.
Well, you are free to go.
Please reach out with any concerns or changing behavior,
and if your behavior change is related to not knowing that your behavior has changed
so that you could not know to report such a behavior change to me,
please let me know that too.
Now, I must be off.
Oh yes, to meet with a mind-wrestler,
who offered me lifetime complimentary sessions
since I solved his debilitating mommy issues.
Ok.
Until next time then.
Thank you so much for relaxing with me.
If you are not a YouTube Premium member,
remember to turn down your volume
or turn off your device now
to avoid potential post-video ads.
Sleep well.