My husband is having an emotional affair. My name is Paul Friedman, I founded The
Marriage Foundation and I want to help you with this particular topic. So let's
undress this a little bit, this complaint that your husband is having an emotional
affair and let's look at that as the outermost symptom. Now, it's not alone as
a symptom but it is the outermost because if you come back to, "Well, why is
he having an emotional affair?" We're getting closer to what the problem is.
The core problem is that, and please brace yourself but be receptive, the core
problem is he's unhappy with you. He's unhappy with the marriage. Now, some would
say you're chasing him away from the marriage and so he's seeking the
emotional component as you describe it somewhere else. We have to be realistic
and address it realistically if we want our marriage to be filled with happiness
and love. So let's leave that right where it is at the moment and let's go back to
why you got married in the first place, not just you, why did you individually
get married but why did your husband get married in the first place. The simple
answer which works for both of you is you got married to be happier. Now
also, and it's very very important this other component is you got married for
love and so did your husband. You got married so you could experience
conditional love which you can't get anywhere else and so did your husband.
Think about it in your entire life all of the love that you have felt for
others or have felt coming from others has been out of compulsion. Your parents
love you because they're your parents, they're biologically compelled to love
you. As a child of your parents, you're biologically compelled to love them
siblings socially and biologically compelled to love them and vice versa.
Marriage is the first time that you volunteer voluntarily offer your
love. There's no compulsion, it is unconditionally offered to the degree
that you are able to give it and the whole idea of marriage is it creates the
space in which you can safely do so. You can't safely love everyone
unconditionally they'll shred you. We live in a dog-eat-dog highly competitive
world but your husband married you so you would love him unconditionally. He
thought he was going into this safe space where you would be very
considerate of his needs all the way from simple interactions to intimacy. If
he's not receiving this he's looking elsewhere. It's a natural thing to do. Now
you could talk about the morality of it all you want.
Everyone knows most of the Ten Commandments, most people understand the
difference between right and wrong and most people are transgressors. We call
them sinners if we're religious folk but the reason we are is because we have
these deep-seated needs and unless, we are striving to become more spiritual we
have to take care of those. We don't have to obviously, we could repress etc. but
we're only human. And so, your husband is seeking
that which you are not giving him elsewhere. Now many times, women write to
us and say, by the way, you can write to us too -- it's a free service. We have
counselors, and they write to us and say, "We have sex a couple times a month. I
don't always want to." How do you respond to that? You have needs that are
appropriate to your gender as a woman. He has needs that are appropriate to his
gender as a man. Part of loving him unconditionally is to take care of that
but not just sex. If all you're doing is feeding his lust you're missing the
point entirely. You know as a woman you're tied to your
heart and you may say, "Well, he's mean to me blah blah blah blah." Well, both
of you probably need reeducation but now if you're at this point where he is
definitely in an emotional affair you're talking about a man who is already
pretty much disengaged from the marriage and yes, of course, there's more than hope
but you need to change. You need to change up a lot of things and you're not
going to get this just in this video. I'm sorry and I'm not trying to sell you a
book, and a book probably isn't enough. I've written a couple of books that
really explain marriage holistically fully but you need to be realistic. Is
his emotional affair beyond that? Be honest. Is there such
thing as an emotional affair? We hear this all the time.
Personally, it's rare. Personally, I'm telling you we've only been doing this
for decades that most of these emotional affairs are affairs. What's the
difference anyway? Is it the difference that he's never slept with her? That's
not a difference, not really. Not when you consider that marriage is supposed to be
this soul connection at a very deep level. You don't have that now. So we have
courses, there's a course for women which is what you need. Don't try to rope your
husband into taking the course for men because this is a problem that you're
working on and you need to work on it. Now, here's the good news. The good news
is when you work on it and you work on it properly, correctly. Don't make stuff
up, don't try to do this on your own. When you do it correctly it works like
mathematics because I have disassembled marriage so that we understand marriage
at The Marriage Foundation completely in all its parts and we've set up a process
so that you can recapture your marriage, your husband efficiently and effectively
and permanently which is what you want to do. You have to get realistic about
what's going on. It's one thing if you get a little wound and you want
to put some mercurochrome on it and put a bandaid on it -- no problem. But if it's
needing stitches you can't do that yourself. You got to go to a doctor
because they have the experience. They know what to look out for, they know what
not to do and what to do. You need serious help now. Chances are if your
husband and when I say chances, I'm talking about
high 90%. If your husband is having an emotional affair, your marriage is
slipping quickly towards a divorce. Good news is it can be turned around
completely to where you have what you signed up for in the beginning which is
a marriage that is fulfilling both of you with unconditional love and
unbelievable ever-expanding happiness. It is possible. So step number one, don't
play games with yourself, be realistic. He's already detached himself from your
marriage already that's done. It's done, get real. Step 2. Do you want him back or
not? Do you want your marriage or not? Because you have the power to
make it work. I'm telling you this, we guarantee the course that's how clear we
are about this. You have the power to make it work.
Look, we're number one in terms of saving marriages but we don't just save them. I
want your marriage to be what it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be
filled with happiness with love, no arguing, no fighting, no disconnection
just that pure love that energetic thing that you felt when you said, "I do."
Remember that moment on your wedding day, it was like there was this saturated
love feeling, everyone felt it, everyone cried, everyone was amazed -- that's what
you're supposed to feel continuously all the time. That's what we could teach you
to get. Okay, so number one is don't fool yourself. Number two is decide that you
want marriage the real thing, not this, "I just want a good enough marriage." Go for
the whole thing. Don't sell yourself short -- don't settle and then take the
steps necessary to achieve it.
You can do this. This is our specialty. Actually, I would say 8 out of 10 of
the individual women who use our course are in the same position that you are in
and the percentage of women who turn their marriage around is in the high 90s.
When do we fail? We fail when the husband has moved out already
then we only save about 80% of those. So you can do this, there's no
excuse not to. Don't complain about what it cost, why should you care?
That's definitely not a reason and go for it. You want to experience, write from
the very start when you're taking the course. You want to experience, "Oh wow, I
can see how this can work," and that is what you'll experience. There is no snake
oil in this one. All right, I didn't mean for this to become like an ad for the
course but it is what you need and I want to be honest with you and realistic
with you and I want you to be realistic with yourself. The last thing is if you
go the route with us, get rid of the fear, there's no guilt involved, there's no
shame involved. It's all about looking forward and in the not-too-distant
future having what you should have had right from the beginning. All right.
Blessings to you! You could subscribe to the videos. We have people who are using
the course who still use the videos all the time.
Blessings to you! Blessings to your husband and blessings to your family!
Don't give up, do what's right. Do what's right.
This can happen. Okay, thank you! God bless!