- I'm the king of the cake!
- I'm the king of the castle.
I'm the king of the castle!
- I don't know how it's possible
but I'm taking the smallest potential, I literally,
I think I just licked one.
- I didn't swallow the first three.
(laughing)
- Today we are trying every single
Trader Joe's seasonal holiday dessert
of which there are 41. - 42, 41.
- It'd be really funny if there's not 41.
- Yeah that'd be a (bleep) to edit, sorry Kelly!
- Sorry, we did it last time too,
maybe next time we'll know how many there are.
- So we based this based on desserts
that were clearly labeled holiday or they had
special markings on the packaging,
or if a Trader Joe's employee pointed at stuff
and went, yeah, it's holiday.
As it stands this is everything
that was at our local Trader Joe's.
- We had a lot of fun shooting the last Trader Joe's video.
Obviously lots of other people try
all the foods in places online.
We know that Keith does videos where he eats
everythingat fast food restaurants,
Matt Stonie also does videos like this.
- Competitive eater.
- We are going to be trying every single dessert
and then at the end we will be picking
our favorite three and our bottom three.
So we are gonna be throwing these into three categories,
same as last time, which is.
- Just okay, pretty good, really great,
and if somebody does real bad.
- Then they go in the penalty box.
- Yeah, but we're hoping we don't have to do that okay,
please be good boys and girls.
- We're talking to the desserts.
So what we have here, it's basically cookies, candies.
- [Jen] Barks.
- Assorted pretzels covered in things.
I don't really like pretzel bark.
I don't really like barks in general.
- This is all harder foods, there's only a few
bready type desserts in here, mostly because these are all
pre-baked, so they're pretty hard.
- Not a fan of peppermint.
- I like peppermint in small doses,
but it seems like we're gonna have it in big doses today.
Anyway, let's make my teeth hurt 'cause they're sensitive.
- Our very first dessert are the Trader Joe's Brandy Beans.
- [Both] Brandy filled chocolate!
- I don't think I've ever had brandy before.
- The thing about these is that they seem
disgusting yet homey.
- You can kinda hear the alcohol in them when you shake 'em.
It smells like dark chocolate.
- Kinda like little poops.
- Yeah they look like little turds.
- Cheers!
Ope!
- Sorry.
You gotta bite in the middle so you get some brandy.
- Woo!
My teeth are clean.
Do you hate this?
- Ugh.
- First of all, it's exactly what it says on the tin.
There is brandy in that chocolate.
- [Jen] Yeah.
- And it is delicious!
- Here's the thing, I don't really like brandy,
so I'm just gonna say that these are just okay.
- Okay, so we're gonna say these are pretty good.
- Okay yeah, they're pretty good.
- 'Cause that's the middle between
really great and just okay.
- [Jen] This is 4.9% alcohol
- No it says maximum alcohol content 4.9% alcohol,
so it's fine.
Next up, chocolate hazelnut cookies.
- Should I use my knife?
- No, we don't need your knife for this.
- Okay, we will need a knife some day.
- Oh they're like!
- These do not look like the box.
- On the box they're very even,
and then when you take them out it's like,
mm 92% of the way there.
I mean if this was a moon landing situation
the spaceship would have skipped off
the atmosphere into space.
- I don't understand, but I love your mind.
- My beautiful space mind?
- That tastes like a shortbread cookie.
- Yeah it's sort of like what an Oreo should taste like.
- You know it kinda tastes like a Girl Scout cookie
I've had before.
I think they're pretty good.
- I think these are really great.
So what do we do, should we rock, paper, scissors for it?
- Okay.
- One two three, shoot. - Rock paper scissors, shoot.
- They're pretty good. - they're pretty good.
Jordan!
- Two down!
The Dark Chocolate Minty Mallows!
- Ooh, Trader Joe's you crazy girl!
- They're light and fluffy peppermint marshmallows
drenched in smooth, dark chocolate,
put it in your mouth girl!
- Okay!
- Kinda falls apart when you eat it.
It's sort of like my life.
No, but actually it's quite good.
- You can taste how processed the marshmallow is,
which is a bit of a knock for me, but I think pretty good!
- Yeah it's a little bit like chocolate covered toothpaste,
kind of.
If you're a naughty child and you like to eat toothpaste
might I recommend.
- Oh (bleep).
(laughing)
- [Jen] Belgian cookie collection.
- With 12 delicious varieties!
We're not gonna rank each one,
we're just gonna rank the total tin
'cause if you don't like the total tin
you're not gonna buy it.
- Looks like somebody wishes I would use my knife!
- I don't want you to use your knife.
So you're gonna try six, I'm gonna try six.
Oh no, it's gingerbread!
Oh, gingerbread isn't very good.
- It's a butter sugar cookie, but the chocolate
is really kinda minty and bitter.
- Ooh!
It's sort of like someone took a Milano
and then gave you only a quarter of it.
- Gingerbread, it's okay. - It's pretty good.
This is kind of a waffle that's covered in chocolate
which I guess I could do at home,
but I appreciate the convenience.
- This one's good.
- Here's the thing, all these kind of taste the same.
Oh this has no chocolate on it, this one's nude!
They are just okay.
- [Jen] Happy holidays!
- We have the Chocolate Liqueur Cherries.
- I'm optimistic about these, I do like chocolate a lot
and I also really love cherry.
I think chocolate and cherry is probably one of
the best combinations.
Need my knife?
- I don't need your knife!
- Alright.
- It's like the brief case from Pulp Fiction.
(gasping)
- [Both] Ooh!
- It's exactly like the brief case from Pulp Fiction!
- The chocolate feels very thick.
- Well put it in your mouth.
You have to put the whole thing in your mouth.
- I don't like it.
You know what, I was lying, I don't like alcohol desserts.
- I think these are great.
- I think they are also super great.
(laughing)
These are really great.
- The acid of the alcohol fights with
the fat of the chocolate.
- Kristin watched Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat.
- It's a good show, and also it helps people explain
why food tastes good.
- Maximum alcohol content 4.44%.
- We got carded when we bought these.
I think these are really great.
- I think these are really great.
- Really?
You literally spit yours out.
- I know.
- So these are really great?
- They're so great.
I don't think any American grocery store chain
does gingerbread well.
- I think that's probably true.
- But I'm someone who really enjoys homemade gingerbread.
- I don't like gingerbread, I think it's spiced cardboard.
- Yeah, it's bad.
This is just very basic gingerbread,
it's spiced a little bit, it's got the crunch,
it's passable, it's just okay.
- [Kristin] It's just okay.
- [Both] Chocolate Covered Pretzel Twist Assortment!
- Wait why, oh it's 'cause of tape.
- Need my knife?
- I'm not using your knife.
- Fine.
- I'm not using it.
I don't want your knife.
I don't want to use your knife!
Okay fine, just cut her open.
This is the one with peppermint and it's not bad.
I don't really like pretzels covered in stuff.
I think pretzels should just be their own woman,
yes I gendered pretzels.
- [Jen] Sprinkle pretzel, let's go!
- [Kristin] Okay sprinkle pretzel!
- [Jen] Too sweet.
- Don't like it, alright next one.
- [Jen] Dark chocolate and diced almonds
with a dark chocolate drizzle.
- This is delicious.
- I feel like overall all these pretzels.
- What, do you think they're just okay?
- I said they're pretty good.
- I, oh sorry, I was about to go to war for these pretzels.
I don't want to try these.
These are the dark chocolate covered peppermint cremes.
- Ah the peppermint cremes, no thank me,
which I think means the peppermint is gonna be very creamy.
Wow actually now we know that Trader Joe's
makes their chocolate peppermint with
the exact same type of peppermint.
- You just buy a giant peppermint mountain
and then you hack at it.
Also it does not look like the cream on the box.
This is scant.
- Yeah this is a lot more purple.
- Scant!
- Mm, it's like a big Junior Mint
it doesn't mean it's good.
- This is probably what cockroaches taste like in heaven.
- What?
If you think Junior Mints are awesome you will love these,
but you can also get Junior Mints for a lot cheaper.
- I think it's penalty box bad.
- Alright (bleep) yeah, these suck!
- Jingle Jangle, a fun mix of fan favorite candy treats.
- What?
This is every chocolate dessert
they've already given us, I don't want to eat more
chocolate covered hard things.
The chocolate is too sweet.
- That's not bad.
- I mean it's just a big box of candy.
- Cute tin, really adorable, fun branding, great name.
What is this?
Oh it's popcorn.
- What, who are you?
There's like three M&Ms in there, like what the (bleep)?
This is the gift you get your boss
when you don't like your boss very much.
- This is.
- [Both] Just okay.
- Why is, oh hold on, I'm caught on my mic.
(laughing)
- What was that laugh?
(laughing)
- You were just like, ah!
Candy Cane Joe-Joe's!
So Joe-Joe's if you don't know know
are knockoff Trader Joe's Oreos.
- I spilled water in my crotch.
- But these ones have candy canes in them I guess?
There are not that many peppermint flecks in here.
Oh my god it's like someone put sand in an Oreo.
Oh, but the end taste is really good.
I'm torn on this.
- I'm not, I think these are just okay.
- Okay I agree with you, they're just okay.
- These are just okay.
Why is my side of the desk so disgusting?
- Maybe you reflect on your choices?
- Take the crumbs (bleep)
- You take the crumb.
- (speaking in a foreign language)
- Knock over that water, I swear to god!
This is.
- Knitty Praline what?
Nutty.
(laughing)
Nutty Praline Trio.
- No it's Nutty Praline Trio.
- Basically there's three nuts.
- These are the pecans.
- Let's split one.
Oh my god.
So beautiful.
- I think it's pretty good.
- Yeah, it's three things that are good.
It's nuts, caramel, and chocolate.
Caramel either, but--
- But there's also some salt too.
The salt from the, okay. - And there's some fat.
And some acid, and some heat.
Cashew time.
- Okay, this is solid grandma's house
sitting on the table dessert.
- [Jen] Pretty good.
- [Kristin] Pretty good?
- My teeth hurt.
Trader Joe's English Toffee, for some reason it
comes in a jar.
- Do you want my knife?
Here I'm gonna help you out.
- Ah she used her knife fingers.
- It's a little nut turds.
- These look like little viruses
that you see under a microscope.
- They're good.
I'm covered in chocolate, oh that's a freckle.
- They're very crunchy, I think they are okay?
The main ingredient in this is sugar,
then almonds, then butter.
- I would say that they're really great,
but I'm saying they're pretty good under duress.
We have. - Oh the chocolate orange!
- The chocolate orange!
- We're biased because we both think this is already good.
Although I've never had Trader Joe's brand chocolate orange.
- If you haven't had a chocolate orange before
it's basically an orange that has
all these little slices in it, and then you open it
by cracking it and then you eat all the slices
and they taste a little bit like orange,
but a little bit like chocolate and they're delicious
and it's the best part of Christmas.
I actually have a really strong emotional attachment
to these oranges because I would used to buy them
and give them as gifts.
It was a thing that I could afford
that I thought was super magical and special.
Wow I'm actually gonna start crying.
- It says then break than open.
- Yeah, hold on one second, I am still crying
about a chocolate orange.
- You need my knife?
(laughing)
- Wow, doesn't it look amazing?
- Merry Christmas. - Cheers!
So good.
- The orange is just so zesty and present
and the chocolate is just so rich.
These are really great!
- [Kristin] Peppermint Bark Popcorn.
Oh god.
- So it's caramel popcorn coated in dark chocolate
enrobed in a white chocolate and peppermint candy coating.
That sounds so rich.
- Is this one kernel of popcorn?
- Yeah, it looks like a little bird egg.
I don't like it.
- [Kristin] I hate it.
- The white chocolate and the peppermint are sickly sweet,
and then it takes forever to get to the actual popcorn,
which you can't even taste because the dark chocolate
totally overwhelms it.
- I mean it looks good, it looks beautiful.
I think these are going in the penalty box.
- Yeah, these are penalty box bad.
Fair thee well.
- Mini Peppermint Meringues!
- I feel like sometimes people think there's
one holiday flavor and it's peppermint.
Why not marzipan, why not orange,
why not cinnamon, why not anything else?
- I do always like the texture of meringue.
- Wanna see?
Kinda like a dumpling with nothing in it.
- Kinda have a weird aftertaste.
- I hate it, it's like eating drywall.
I think this is penalty box bad.
- Yeah I can get there.
- Pfeffernusse.
- It's a German Spice Candy.
- It literally says cookie.
Wait the photo on the front has two kids
sliding down a mountain on a bale of hay.
[Jen] Bale of hay!
- Oh no gingerbread cookies aren't they?
- They smell like gingerbread cookies.
They're a soft gingerbread tasting cookie
with a hard shell.
- These are very much after a cold day cookie.
- Dare I say great?
- I think they might be great.
Wow!
We agreed!
- Good job Germany!
- Dark Chocolate covered peppermint Joe-Joe's!
- Oh my go-go.
To me it just tastes the same as a lot
of the other stuff we've had.
- I feel like I'm trying to be nice to this,
I don't know why 'cause we don't owe you anything Joe-Joe.
If you don't want to dunk your own Oreos,
here you go.
These are just okay.
Chocolate Covered Lebkuchen Cookies!
- And these are Sugar Glazed Lebkuchen Cookies.
So we're gonna try these at the same time
'cause they're just slightly different
versions of the same product.
- What the (bleep).
(laughing)
What the (bleep)?
What the (bleep) is this styrofoam (bleep) texture?
What is this cookie?
- So I got a little cold, so now I have my red jacket.
- Festive.
- Oh weird.
- Oh actually this is pretty good.
- I like it.
I like the soft gingerbread and the wafer thing
at the back actually is really nice,
it cuts the sweetness a little bit.
Wow, let's try the other one.
Oh my god!
- Wow!
- I just ate a hair, also really good.
- Mm, protein!
I've never thought that I would be like,
mm styrofoam yeah, that's a part of a balanced diet,
but here we are.
- [Both] These are really great!
- How do I keep getting hair in my mouth?
Oh it's from my jacket!
- Soft Honey Nougat baby, with almonds!
This is the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth.
- Is this an eraser?
- The paper's not good, the nougat's bad,
the nuts are just kind of there.
- I like these better than anything in the penalty box,
but that doesn't mean they don't also deserve to be there.
They can go in the penalty box.
- [Kristin] Penalty box.
- [Both] Bye!
- Salty Honey Toffee Milk Chocolate Covered Crackers!
This is a woman who's taken her husbands name five times.
I'm Theresa Salty Honey Toffee
Milk Chocolate Covered Crackers.
I think there's actually a Saltine in there.
- When you first bite into just the cracker
it straight up just is a Saltine.
- It's not terrible it's just dumb.
- These don't need to exist, but they're fine.
They're just okay.
So that was the first half of these desserts
Kristin and I have tummy aches and also it's six pm
so we gotta go home, which means tomorrow
we're going to be trying the rest of these desserts and.
- When we come back we will have different clothes.
Alright we're back.
- It's day two of our attempting to try
all of the seasonal Trader Joe's desserts.
- 12 Tantalizing Truffles in Classic Dessert Flavors.
- Did I get it on my shirt?!
- No.
- Oh thank god.
Why did I wear a nice shirt that I really like that's white?
- Most of the chocolates that are Trader Joe's
is just kind of like generic cheap chocolate.
It's like chocolate!
So it's really refreshing to taste
chocolate in actual flavors.
- This is the gingerbread spice chocolate
and it does taste gingerbready.
- This is delicious.
I'd venture to say they're really great.
- I'm with you.
Belgian Truffles!
These were wrapped really sweetly.
- Yeah they're like little presents.
Ripping into this box like a bear.
I like the chocolates look like little soaps.
I like the guide, it's like a voter guide,
but for your mouth.
I think these are just okay.
- Trader Joe's and the Astounding Multi-Flavor Joe-Joe's.
That's chocolate enrobed sandwich cookies.
I have a feeling we already know what these taste like.
Also there's a peppermint one which I'm pretty sure
we've already tried on it's own.
- No more peppermint.
- Wish not granted.
I really like the peanut butter one too, try this one.
- Yeah, yeah this is far and away better.
The flavors in the other ones, not very sophisticated,
sorta your garden variety (speaking gibberish) chocolate!
With this one it's like chocolate,
but I have a personality.
These three, great!
This one, still poop face.
I think these are pretty good.
I regret to inform you, it's Peppermint Bark time.
No one wants this.
I will say this, look at the color of the peppermint.
It's different.
Not interesting in your mouth, but it's too rich
to eat anything else afterwards.
- Yes!
Peppermint bark you're just okay.
- [Kristin] Just okay.
- Oh, Scandinavian Tidings!
- Holiday shapes!
These are soft and chewy gummy candy.
- I don't really see the point
in doing a seasonal gummy candy
unless the flavors are really, really different.
- I think it's gonna be gummy candy shaped like trees.
- This kinda tastes like Swedish Fish.
It doesn't taste like chemicals, which I appreciate.
- It kinda does though.
- Mm, yeah well.
- I think they're just okay.
- [Jen] Danish Butter Cookies!
- Danish Butter Cookies are what happens to a tin
before it becomes a place for sewing supplies.
- These are the cookies my pediatricians office
used to give out after you would get shots.
- [Kristin] Yeah, pretty good.
Real Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels.
- You know what, I like the salt,
but I don't like the chocolate, the chocolate's right here,
the salt's all on my tongue.
- Each thing of sea salt is the size of a marble.
- These are not good.
- I can't get it out of my mouth!
- I think these are penalty box bad.
I don't really like Panettone.
- Oh that is a pungent smell!
This is a giant muffin.
- It's massive.
Oof!
- Alright this is my son Anthony Junior.
- Oh I already hate it.
It's very fruit cakey.
- It's a yeasty cake.
- Yeah if you like things that are yeasty and orange
and kind of sour, sure, I think this is just okay.
- [Jen] It's just okay.
- [Kristin] The Chocolate Bar Quintet.
- Milk Chocolate - Cinnamon Crisp!
- This is a crunch bar.
Oh Dark Chocolate Orange Peel.
Remember when I cried about chocolate orange.
- I remember.
Milk Chocolate and Honey!
- Ooh.
- I don't really taste the honey.
- I do.
Dark Chocolate. - Hazelnut!
- It's Nutella (bleep).
Milk Chocolate Toffee and Sea Salt.
- A better way to do milk chocolate and salt
where the salt is not giant chunks that break your teeth.
- [Kristin] Attack you!
- For Chocolate Bar Quintet is pretty good.
- [Kristin] Pretty good.
- [Jen] Peppermint Pretzel Slims!
- They don't have chocolate on them.
I think it's supposed to be slightly reminiscent
of yogurt, but not quite.
- They're a little rough.
- They've been through the washer a couple times.
I don't hate it.
- Actually, the fact that the pretzel is so skinny
makes it work because it's less overwhelming.
It's way less rich than the other peppermint things
we've had because of the lack of chocolate.
- I think this works.
- [Jen] That's actually pretty good!
- [Kristin] Yeah it's a Bark Quartet.
- [Jen] Oh my god.
- Wait hold on.
(cricket chirping)
Is the cricket also microphoned?
- No one is gonna (bleep) you.
I'm barking up the wrong tree sir, I am a married woman.
Oh sorry, that's Kristin who's married.
(laughing)
I'm Jen.
This is milk chocolate with candy cane Joe-Joe's
and a white chocolate drizzle.
It's peppermint and milk chocolate again,
it's not very impressive.
Dark chocolate topped with cashews, toffee,
and a sprinkle of salt.
- It's salty chocolate.
- Dark chocolate with crisped rice,
covered with almonds and coconut.
Yeah it's chocolate with a bunch of noise.
- This is like those albums where it's one song
remixed like nine times and it's like,
no get a new song, literally it's like.
- This is just okay.
Woo!
- Oh my god it's chocolate again!
I picked this one 'cause I thought
maybe it wasn't chocolate, but it is chocolate.
- It's Italian Gianduja Chocolate.
- Gianduja.
Chocolate and I are breaking up.
Actually that's pretty good.
- I do not like the hazelnut filling in this.
- It's sort of like a little Nutella bomb.
I think it's pretty good.
The Dark Chocolate Collection.
(laughing)
- No!
- How is it, is it just chocolate?
- [Jen] Chocolate orange actually.
- [Kristin] Ooh!
- She's on board again 'cause she
(bleep) loves chocolate orange.
This is probably coconut.
- Actually that's pretty good.
- [Jen] Ooh, like a coffee?
- The bottom is very hard to bite into.
- [Jen] Fruity!
- Key lime pie?
Oh I'll try key lime pie.
Salted caramel, boo!
Key lime pie's good.
Okay I think I've tried enough to render a verdict.
- [Jen] I think these are just okay.
- We have three left, but one of them is an activity!
Winter chocolate reindeer and sled kit.
So this is a little reindeer, here's his hat.
Look we did it, it's a sled, it's a reindeer.
- [Jen] Here's all his toys for the children.
- You broke the sled, it's uninsured.
I mean fun activity.
- [Jen] Just okay.
- Chocolate ornaments! - Chocolate ornaments!
I mean if you like milk chocolate it's pretty good,
which is actually a nice pallette cleanser
considering all the frills and whistles we've had.
- There's also no metallic aftertaste,
it doesn't taste like cheap chocolate.
- Yeah.
These are pretty good!
- These are pretty good!
Guess what, it's the last one.
- Boozy Little Chocolate Truffles.
Oh these are small.
- Look how tiny!
- [Jen] These are really cute!
- [Kristin] Oh look at the little babies.
- [Jen] These are the Prosecco ones.
- Where's the Prosecco?
- The Prosecco, you don't really taste
the Prosecco that much, it's mostly just
an overwhelming white chocolate.
I'm gonna try the London Gin.
This one you can taste the gin,
I actually think it adds a nice flavor.
I'm gonna try the scotch whisky.
I feel like I can't really taste the whisky.
- Oh I can, ooh I hate Scotch.
- Navy Rum, the rum is present,
I don't know how much it necessarily adds to the chocolate.
- It's like the whole point of putting alcohol
in a chocolate is so that the sharpness of the alcohol
will just hang out with the chocolate.
- So the Boozy Little Chocolate Truffles are just okay.
- Oh my god we're done.
- We have completed our journey.
- Now we have to come up with our favorite three
and our least favorite three.
- My top three of all the desserts we tried
were the Pfeffernusse Cookies, Chocolate Orange,
and actually the Peppermint Pretzel thins.
- Ooh!
- I know and I think it was just 'cause those weren't
too overwhelmingly sweet and I do really love pretzels
and I found them to be a nice little pallette cleanser.
- My top three were the Brandy Beans,
the Dark Chocolate Orange,
and the Chocolate Hazelnut Cookies.
- Bottom three is fun 'cause we actually agree
on our bottom three.
Dark Chocolate Sea Salt truffles that broke our mouths.
The Peppermint Popcorn which was barely popcorn.
And then our bottom, bottom choice
is the Peppermint Meringue.
At the end of the day, you can eat what you want.
- I think if we thought it was pretty good or better
it's probably worth getting.
♪ Merry Holidays to all of you ♪
♪ Don't put the ornaments on your tree if you got a dog ♪
♪ Just saying ♪
Goodbye.
(chill music)